Thread 2: Court and general updates follow ex partner breaching court order

[DontGoChasinWaterfalls]

Thread 2 :)

How frustrating that is OP

I’m sorry to hear this. I understand the judge’s point about no further litigation, but I agree with you that it’s not right for your DD.

i think the courts still have a long way to go in dealing with post separation abuse effectively. This is abuse of you and your DD. The fact that the court can simultaneously decide it’s abusive behaviour and think that it’s ok for your DD to spend unsupervised time an abuser is crazy.

It’s sad for your DD because she isn’t really being listened to here.

@DontGoChasinWaterfalls you have been epic. You have put your DD first and been incredibly restrained to make sure you did everything by the book.

You are a really good Mum, hold on to that.

Sorry to hear that OP. This doesn’t seem to be in DD’s favour at all

Sorry to read that he's still got unsupervised access to your daughter, but at least no more courts hopefully. In another few years, she can decide where she wants to be, but hard for you and her in the meantime. Thanks for the update @DontGoChasinWaterfalls and I hope you can get some trouble free time for the next few years.

Thanks for the update OP. Speaks volumes he denied all at that happened at the handover. He’s been extremely lucky this time, but good news is, if he’s minded to do the same again Courts can up the response. Document everything as you are and keep your halo in the professionals books. Hoping that’s it stable for now but being who and how he is, wouldn’t be surprised with more nonsense at some stage. Sad for you and DD though. Does feel unfair but hoping he’ll either wise up or shoot himself in foot once and for all.

Just thinking OP, does that mean he will have her for Christmas again?

I am so sorry op, I do not understand this at all.

The 50/50 was agreed within the previous proceedings. Reasons would have been given then. All the judge did today was reaffirm the existing order and put tighter safeguards in place in case he breaches again.
If he does breach again OP will have no choice but to apply for leave to request a change to the order and it will probably be granted. But not yet.

So just to be clear, it is not 50.50 - it is a structured order, DD lives with me, and the spends time with is with him, but it's just a 7.7 pattern that runs throughout the year, so all through holidays etc.
Thats ultimately what the previous judge thought was in her best interests, he was very clear shared care wouldn't work and Dd needed a clear home base and one parent who can make those primary decisions, that me. Unfortunately, he appears to be advancing a narrative to her that she lives with him and spends time with me, I haven't corrected that, just told her home is where she feels it is and if she wants to consider his house a home that's also fine, however DD being the smart, resilient lion cub that she is has very clearly told me that she considers home to be with me, so that's good enough for me x

I've decided to use my experience in the family court to become a magistrate, when the Non-mol proceedings are over (hopefully in the next 6 weeks. I've applied tonight as the selection exercise takes 12 weeks. I think I will use this experience just to do something connected to family law. I am not aggrieved by today's decision, I know the truth and DD does too. We will just move forwards together.

And, no - this year, she has her birthday, my birthday and Christmas ALL with me :)

In order to change the contact arrangement they would have to essentially enter into a new set of court proceedings and start from the beginning. They already had 5 years of proceedings IIRC which resulted in a final order. You might think that final order was flawed but it's what was agreed. They can't just throw that order out at this stage. The judge decided to basically give him a warning shot not to do it again and if he does then it will have to go back to court for a full set of proceedings.

i’m really confused because I thought 7:7 was the same as 50-50, especially if the child sleeps over? I’m sure you know what your arrangement is much much better than I do, but I even went to check and was even more confused when I saw that Google says it is 50-50. Is there something obvious that I’m missing here, I do apologise!

Ah sorry, I just meant that I was surprised by the outcome. Apologies for being unclear. I am so sorry op.

I don't think you were unclear? I'm just explaining why the outcome wasn't surprising and was fairly inevitable.

@DontGoChasinWaterfalls

I'm kind of confused. Maybe it's a US/UK 'legalese' thing lol. But although you are 'primary residence' which I assume equates to the US term 'parent with physical custody', doesn't a 7/7 order still mean a 'week here, a week there'?

I wouldn't think that's very beneficial to her since she 1-doesn't want it and 2-for intents and purposes he's bordering on parental alienation in the things he says to her and the way he acts towards you. I know she's been through a lot these last years so I understand you feeling like enough is enough with the courts.

I feel for you both. All you can do is keep a sharp eye out and give her all the reassurance you can. You're a wonderful mum and I know in the end she'll come through this just fine.

my brother has full 50/50 PR & Residency, so his ex wife can't change schools/apply for schools without his input, she can't change the drs, she cannot make any unilateral decision on the kids lives and existence without his agreement. This was done because she TRIED to remove them from the country and have his parental rights terminated and them adopted by her new husband, and was found guilty of parental alienation after he had to issue a 'stop all ports' order via a solicitor to stop her leaving, and the kids passports were confiscated by the courts and are still held by a mutually agreed solicitor until they're 18.
He also can't do stuff without her agreement either ftr.

What the OP has is primary parental responsibility., the ability to make decisions without her ExH's permission/agreement, its just that he also gets to have her stay with him every other week.

If I’ve understood correctly, while she will spend alternate 7 day periods with each parent, OP is the one classed as the resident parent, the one who’s got all the responsibility as well, I guess. And the rota won’t vary for special occasions, it will be as it falls. Very consistent, I guess.

That a great idea, being a magistrate. What a good way to turn your experience to good use!

We have a provision for birthdays and Christmas and mothers and fathers day, alternated and spent with respective parents. School holidays, he gers 3 weeks and 1 week at Easter. Half terms are all with me. So I do get slightly more time a year than her. He's tried several times with cms to get the claim cancelled claiming it's shared care but the order and more importantly the judgement of that time was very clear this is not shared care. The best way I can describe it is a lives with order with a structured spends time with.

Did the judge have a view on that - presumably they have the police report?

Also how will it work out the non mol? You can’t be expected to be near him

I still don't understand what a 7.7 arrangement is. I hope you and your DD are ok.

The UK family Court system is gruelling.

It doesn’t seem right at all giving your dd 50% of her life with him ie every second 7 days. You sound amazing, I hope you’re ok. Do you think he will keep to it?

As in it seems out of keeping for him to accept he can’t make decisions for her on schools or gp or flex his holidays…

A few PP are querying 7/7 not being the same as 50/50. I believe it means that, whilst the child is physically spending equal time with each parent, each parent does not have equal responsibility. So OP gets to be the main residence, ie having the say over decision making such as health, education etc. I think!

OP you rock. I've been following you from your very first post and have been silently rooting for you and your DD.

Op in a few years your daughter's views will be taken into consideration.
You have held her best interests at the forefront of everything and she will always know that.
You are a wonderful mum and will be a great magistrate.