Thread 2: Court and general updates follow ex partner breaching court order

[DontGoChasinWaterfalls]

Thread 2 :)

You are such an amazing woman, you’ve stayed so strong throughout all this and handled an awful situation with such grace and dignity. Your idiot ex is damaging his relationship with his daughter forever.

My advice is to use ChatGPT to help you order your ideas and arguments but whatever you do don't submit a statement written by ChatGPT. I've read two such statements recently and they are nowhere near as good as people think they are. A simply written statement in your own words is much better than an AI written one.

Hi everyone.
Just been keeping things calm and predictable for DD at home and she's been really happy.
So we had a hearing this week, it was for the return hearing for the without notice non molestation order. He was late joining the hearing so whilst on video link the judge spoke to me. She said she had been reading about events over Christmas and was very concerned. She said she didn't want to bring him straight into the hearing without me having any time to prepare so she asked me if I wanted to turn my camera off or adjourn. I was totally shocked tbh. I told her I had prepared for the hearing so wanted to go areas but I would turn my camera off. He basically denies and contests everything so she's allowed him to file a statement.. if it's anything like his position statement which was a lengthy diatribe of irrelevant nonsense then I'm not hopeful. She made it very clear to him the non molestation order wasn't being discharged and would still continue.
We have a directions hearing next week for children's matters so will update after that x

That sounds positive to me - and I’m glad she told him it wasn’t being discharged. And that she let you give your position and switch the camera off.

Thanks for the update @DontGoChasinWaterfalls . The fact the judge said she was concerned about the events over Christmas sounds positive anyway. I hope that official confirmation of what happened over Christmas from the police etc is in her hands. He can't deny it, if official services have provided some kind of statement!

Good Luck for next week.

EDITED for Typo

Yep, and definitely don't rely on it for any case law stuff, as it invents stuff that's superficially plausible but doesn't actually exist.

Good luck.

Sounds like the judge has dealt with arseholes who spout constant lies and bullshit before. Stay strong, OP.

Thank you for the update @DontGoChasinWaterfalls - much love to you and your DD. You are mighty. xx

It sounds to me as though the judge has sussed him out.

Sounds quite positive Op. Hope next week goes well for you. X

That’s really positive, great that the judge is seeing this for what it is. If his statement is an angry diatribe throwing mud at you the judge will not appreciate it.

Thanks for updating us @DontGoChasinWaterfalls and I really hope that you get a good outcome next week.

I hope it's not too derailing to post this here, but I was reading this article just now and it really shows how yours isn't an unusual situation, sadly. We've allowed the family courts to be used to uphold patriarchal standards for mothers and as a way to allow men to continue their abuse. Makes me so angry
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2026/jan/18/custody-the-secret-history-of-mothers-lara-feigel

Lordy OP. You have the strength of a lion. In one of your previous posts you said when DD is older she will make up her own mind on all of this.

My DD16 definitely did so take heart in that. They vote with their feet and have a say legally once they teens.

Sending positive thoughts your way.

@DontGoChasinWaterfalls

"...if it's anything like his position statement which was a lengthy diatribe of irrelevant nonsense then I'm not hopeful."

I think it'd make me very hopeful. Sounds like the judge has his number and will see through any nonsense. And see it as the obstructionism and vindictiveness that it is.

Just wishing you luck this week with the court. Hope you had a peaceful weekend ❤️

Hi all,
Hope you’re ok.
We had the return hearing for the children’s matters and I thought I’d update you, as I know we continue to be in your thoughts.
The Judge held the father accountable for the breach and told him very clearly that he was wrong. He heard from both of us, from the Guardian’s Counsel, and from the Local Authority, who intend to place DD on a Child in Need plan and do work with all of us.
Ultimately, the Judge took the view that further litigation would be harmful for DD. We have already been in proceedings for five years, and on that basis the prior Judge made a robust order for a 7/7 arrangement. DD’s primary residence was retained with me — she has always referred to home as being with me — and the Judge reinstated that, to commence on the weekend that naturally falls to her weekend with her father.
I have very mixed emotions. On one hand, I do accept that more litigation would be harmful for DD and that has to be the bottom line. We now have robust safeguards in the new order to prevent any further unilateral withholding, so he cannot do that again, and the Judge was clear that he was wrong. The Judge also thanked me for my conduct and said I had been very helpful to the Court. I have never opposed contact — I have only ever wanted it to be safe.
I did think about appealing, because in some ways it feels like he has got away with it. But in my heart I know the Judge is right about DD having been in proceedings for almost all of her conscious life, and that is harmful.
I gently told DD and she has been quite sad this afternoon — more that she will miss me and has only just got used to being back at home. I don’t think it is about not seeing her father.
In my heart, I don’t think a 7/7 arrangement is right for her, especially with a “co-parent” who seems intent, whether overtly or covertly, on inflicting emotional harm through his actions. But as the hearing concluded, I realised that all I can do now is continue to be the best, safest, most nurturing parent I can be, and hope that this counters whatever goes on when she is with him.
Thank you, as always, for your continued support. x

Oh sweetie. Thank you for your update. I know you must feel a bit deflated. I'm sorry. But he has been admonished by the court, you've got safeguards in place and you have been praised by the judge.

You are remarkable - as a person and especially as a mum. I hope he has at least learned some lesson and makes at least a show of being decent. Probably not - but you have certainly done your best, and no-one could have done more. Your DD will be so proud of all you have done when she is old enough to understand properly. 💐💐 Much love to you. xx

What was spectacular he TOTALLY denied the incident what happened when I tried to collect DD from the holiday club, it was quite astonishing to witness his sequence of pathological lies...

That’s disappointing for you. Apart from wanting the litigation to end, was there any explanation for the 50/50? I’m surprised they so clearly recognised his abuse, yet decided that was in her best interests.

Well done you. It takes a hugely matured response such as yours to show up all the selfish, inconsiderate low-life’s that call themselves parents. As you say, your DD is priority and hopefully now things can settle again.
Do keep us updated - many will be reading your posts and finding them v relatable to their own situations. Your daughter is a couple of years away from making her own decisions and I’m prepared to bet that as soon as she legally can, she will be minimising contact in favour of a safe, loving and committed home.
I hope your ex hasn’t got any other tricks up his sneaky sleeve!

I know it doesn't seem it at the minute, but it won't be long before your daughter can make her own mind up about where she spends her time, and she'll cut him out completely.
If he keeps playing his games or you feel he is harming her emotionally, keep going through the channels that you have to keep her safe. However, now that there is a child in need in place, and others are aware of his behaviour, he won't be able to hide it.

Sometimes I feel these courts have no justice.
My DC literally just refused to go at times, and a judge told me none of us can pick them up and throw them in the car; but what the court expects is to see the parent isn't setting them up to refuse to go. Apparently that happens.
In time to come your DD will vote with her feetand no court will oppose her. But it's awful to be parted at this age, the way you are. I despair of this country sometimes. I am so sorry justice was not served.

The benefit of DD witnessing all of this, is there will come a time where her preferences will be factored into the decision making. She will know who the loving parent is, that made decisions based on her best interests. And she will no doubt express a preference to reside with you. It might not feel like it now, but you’ve done the ground work here & should be so proud of how you’ve held it together (I’m sorry if that sounds patronising, I really don’t mean for it to) x
DD is so lucky to have you on her side x