Are there any decent men?

[Southpaw67]

I don't come on here often but every time I do there's always loads of threads about women being cheated on by their husband or partner. I realise people won't really be on here if they have a good relationship but it's so depressing and very very sad that so many men cheat and lie to their partners. Just be nice to hear of men who don't lie, cheat, use porn etc, etc, surely some exist?!!

Yes…mine ❤️

I believe they do. I've been in relationships with very good men and haven't got a single bad thing to say about them after the relationship ended.
My last one was a shit-show and I think that was because, having dated decent men, I took everything at face value. I now know what dating a cheater looks and feels like and I am grateful for the lesson.

Does using porn really belong in the same category as lying and cheating?

Very, very few unfortunately.

Of course there are. But people.domt need to come on and post about them. Mine STBXH is not one of them but of course there are decent men out there

Yes, yes there are. Don't be sexist and ridiculous.

Yes, mine definitely is (I know people say you never know but he’s either at work or with us, he leaves work early sometimes to be able to watch DD box). He is fully involved in kid stuff, he’ll buy shoes/clothes, book appointments, get up at night etc. If he was cheating he’d have to do it in an extremely open plan office. His office is a glass box.

There are definitely good men out there. But from looking around they aren’t the majority.

There should be. Many women on here reckon they raise their sons to be good men and capable of relationships.

Of.course there are but they wont be interested in women who hate men just like I wouldnt gravitate towards a misogynist. Many men are considering who would be a good co-parent. If you know that a woman thinks negatively about one of the sexes, you wont risk having a baby with her that could suffer that. You wont want a relationship with someone who thinks your sex is something wrong with you.

Those good men sniff out man hating women from miles away and avoid them. Other men feel resentful enough to partner with them and then make their lives miserable in revenge because men are inherently more violent. They would enjoy seeing a woman hating man suffer.

I think it’s a fine line.

Men who watch porn are looking outside their relationship for sexual gratification. Many will start off watching generic porn, then that becomes boring so they start on the only fans, or sex chats on other porn sites where they’re having one to one wankathons and paying extra for it. If they were doing that with any other woman they met online it’d be cheating.

Do you think the same of women who read smut?

I think they are seeking sexual stimulation/motivation/enhanced arousal.

That’s a bit of a leap. I’m not sure that 'many' men go down that route.

Yes, of course

Absolutely!!!! My DH is a brilliant man/person. He is an equal partner in every way apart from where he does more than me!!

You sound like an incel.

There definitely are decent men out there /mine is! But he is a widower who married young and had a happy marriage. Men who have been divorced/had several relationship/kids will inevitably be damaged by those experiences, or be inherently not ‘relationship material’, ditto those have never had a committed relationship. So unless you are in your twenties/thirties it is a desert out there…
A lot of women have very unrealistic expectations and think that because they want a decent man there must be a supply of them conforming to a laundry list of requirements. They become impatient and cynical and prey to OLD platforms and ‘snake/oil salesmen exploiting their fantasies and taking their money for ‘methodologies’ like the Burned Haystack etc.

Yes there are. My husband is. But whenever I have mentioned how great he is on here in the past, I've been accused of "bragging" or told things like "well lucky you, not everyone is so fortunate" etc so that's likely why people dont talk about the kind, decent men in their lives- people dont want to hear it.

Its like anything online - the horror stories attract far more attention than ordinary contentment.

I think the incel like behaviour are women who hate men (like incel men hate women) but then are baffled to why good men wont date them (like incel men are baffled to why they are single) and the only partners they get are ones who want to exploit them (like incel men are often the victims of scammers).

What good (wo)man would date a (wo)man who hates all (wo)men?

Im sure there are decent men out there but in my 64 years Ive never met one with the exception of my grandfather who was perfect and my best friend who is a gay man training for the priesthood.
Ive been married three times, they all turned out to be abusive or cheaters so Ive given up. I just tend to avoid straight men altogether because my trust has gone.

Yes of course there are. But I wouldn’t come on here to make a thread to say my partner is a decent guy and a good dad who does all the cooking, pulls his weight round the house and doesn’t cheat on me.

Yes, exactly and can you imagine the response if you did? it wouldn't be pleasant

Yes, there are some. But the majority are shit, sadly. And I fear with the rise of the far right, toxic masculinity will only get worse. We can see this happening already with the likes of Andrew Tate etc

This is bonkers.

Its bonkers that someone might avoid a person who seems to hate everyone like them? Seems rational to me.

I think they are weak and driven by sex constantly. I think many try to be good. When I became single all the “good” ones came out of the woodwork and came on to me.. so my friends husbands, neighbours, my exes friends! All who had something to lose if I’d have said anything, but they are always thinking about sex so it didn’t stop them. My mum had the same happen to her when she divorced my dad. But they stay in their relationships as they don’t want to be single.
So I’ve just reframed how I think of them. They are animals and I don’t let myself fall in love anymore. Just sex, friendship, a bit of help sometimes etc. I feel free