Are there any decent men?

[Southpaw67]

I don't come on here often but every time I do there's always loads of threads about women being cheated on by their husband or partner. I realise people won't really be on here if they have a good relationship but it's so depressing and very very sad that so many men cheat and lie to their partners. Just be nice to hear of men who don't lie, cheat, use porn etc, etc, surely some exist?!!

I would say my dh is in the decent category.... of course he has his faults, as do I, but we love each other enough to look beyond them.

Having been with the liars and cheats I think helped me find a decent one

I'm sure there are honest, totally faithful men but I think they're in the minority. With social media and smart phones never has it been so easy to cheat and obviously that goes for men or women. If it's not a physical affair then there's emotional affairs and secret messaging going on.

I was just pointing out that we need to for for the right person instead of just the good looks

No basically

He defo is.

It depends on how a woman feels about prostitution and what they consider cheating.

If cheating is viewing other women naked outside your marriage, then that's cheating. The fact that there's no interaction going on doesn't make a difference in some ways as those women aren't fabricated - they're are real humans.

I can understand if they're single and they genuinely fancy you and think you're a catch, but if they just think you're an easy shag or if they want to cheat, that's grim. Your attitude reminds me a bit of Katherine Ryan. Although she's in love with her partner, she doesn't trust him or any man.

Sad really, but when you've been burnt a lot of times it's hard to keep going and keep getting additional emotional injuries. Inevitably, there are those who imply or say outright that one's bar isn't high enough, that you're not reaching the right men...putting the blame onto the woman, but I don't think that's the case as often as what some people think.

Unfortunately, I think a lot of men enter relationships with the patriarchal attitude that they will be serves in some way, and that women are there as domestic support to them. The fact that other men as so shitty or disgustingly misogynistic to their wives lowers their bars generally as to what's acceptable behaviour, and men who are just semi-decent feel like they deserve a medal for just being normal.

Yes, lots exist. Don't listen too much to people on here, they are wrong about a lot of things, and the narrative they have that 99 percent of men are arseholes is one of them.

That's not true.

My husband is brilliant ( though not by mn's standard ) , my ex one a dick ! My grandad also was an incredible man to my gran before she passed and remains in love with her 😄

I disagree that every man has the potential to cheat given the opportunity. Some men, including my DH, manage to stay faithful and loyal for a lifetime. And he has had opportunities. He used to work a job where he was away 2 weeks then home two weeks. We had many conversations about mates who were playing away and those who wouldn’t even think of it. I know in my bones he would be in the latter camp.

My dh worked away from home for long periods. Absolutely trusted him 100%. He cheated. Family and friends couldn’t believe it as he was a person you’d think was least likely to ever cheat. You read about it happening on MN a lot. Just never make the mistake of thinking your dh would never cheat. It can happen to anyone.

Most of the good ones are taken.

Incorrect. Misogynists pair up with pickmeishas and vulnerable women because these women are easily manipulated. Good men pick women who know their worth.

I've never met a woman who despised men without her having first been abused by at least one. Female distrust and fear of men is reactive.

Incorrect. Far from attracting bad men, my hostility towards them keeps them away. Back in my people-pleasing days, they were all over me like catnip. They prey on young autistic women like jackals.

The other side of the coin is that women cheat as well. Before I was married 2 of my ex girlfriends were cheater needless to say the relationships did not last any more than a few months.

I like think (maybe foolishly) that I fall into that decent man category, and I believe the mother of my child (who I’m no longer with) and her parents would put me in that category too.

But everyone is fallible, everyone has their faults.

There are decent people out there, but they’re not always easy to find (or are already in a relationship). I’m more than likely going to find this out when I’m ready to start thinking about women again.

The problem I think is that bad men have the opportunity to make a lot of women very unhappy, whereas good men will tend to make one woman happy.

My Dad is a serial cheat. He cheated on my Mum repeatedly, he cheated on all of his following partners aside from his current one. I can think of 20 women in all who he has probably betrayed in some way. I'd imagine there are more that I'm completely unaware of.

My brother on the other hand met his wife at 18, and has spent the last 20 years devoted to her and his kids. I'm not going to pretend he's perfect. He has a habit of picking up a guitar and pissing about with it when he's meant to be getting the kids ready to go out, or cooking dinner, or any one of a million other jobs that drives me up the wall, and I imagine must drive SIL absolutely spare. But largely, he's a good man who has made her very happy. But simply because he's made her happy, she's then the only woman he's ever made happy.

I'm somewhere in the middle. I've spent nearly 20 years with DP, and while our life hasn't always been perfect, I can honestly say I've never done anything I knew would hurt her, and I feel she'd say I'm a good man. However, prior to her, in less committed relationships, there are at least 2 women, maybe 3, who likely hate my guts, because I was not averse to cheating in my early 20s. So I've spent a good 85% of my adult life being "a good man", and yet I've had more relationships that ended badly because of my actions than good relationships.

And so the bad men tip the scales, because while there are probably less of them than good men, they get to inform the opinions of so many more women than a good man ever could.

I am decent & available a true classic but sadly a vintage model ,good health good bodywork 💪 own hair 👨‍🦰& teeth 🦷

👀😉

There is always a 2 side of the coin (unless there is physical abuse, IMO), depends from whose perspective you look at.

My DH is a good man. Kind, gentle, loving and funny. He does all I ask of him and more both physically and emotionally. Doesn’t lie or cheat. Don’t think he looks at porn but I personally don’t see that as cheating. He did just as much as me when the kids were little and does the same now they are older. Helps with housework and general house duties. Cooks. Never judges or tells me how to or how not to spend money.

That is smart analysis. I had never thought of it in quite those terms before, but actually that makes perfect sense. I like your point about the same person falling into both categories, as well. Presumably even your father falls into the 'good' category for his current partner, if he really hasn't cheated on her (which he may well not have done! People can change, especially with age) Warren Beatty has one of the longest marriages in Hollywood, despite having been a real hound when younger.

I have dated some crap men in my time. However, what that means is that I dated a crap men, not that all men are crap. Also, looking back, the warning signs were there, I chose to ignore them. I actually don't really believe the stories I hear of these men who do a complete 180 and gave absolutely NO indication of what they were capable of. I'm sure that's true in a few cases, but I bet in most cases there were indications.

Women watch porn too.

Plus porn really isn't cheating IMO.