Is this it? Alone at 60.

[TheOutlier]

I’ve been divorced seven years. Kids were teens then and I’ve been focused for the past few years on seeing them to full adulthood and keeping everything together. Suddenly I am 60, they are grown and (almost) flown and so it feels like there might be something missing in my life. The divorce was so difficult I basically swore off looking for anyone. Now I would like to meet an eligible bloke but it has always taken me a while to get to know people. I’ve tried a couple of apps, on and off, and have had a handful of coffee/lunch dates but there was no vibe. So no second dates. Oh and one scammer who I luckily realised was married before we ever met. I’m not sure online dating is really for me but how do I meet people otherwise? I’d never marry again but I might like some company.

walking group ?
meetiups?
2 people have just copped off in my walking group - aged 79 & 75 😅

I’ve been to walking groups. They were all a lot older than me but also far fitter! I was the straggler at the end. I have actually improved my fitness considerably since then. But nobody seemed to be single.

I think you should just enjoy the meet up group. Meeting a nice fella would be an added bonus but until then, enjoy enhancing your fitness and the opportunities life presents. I'm in a book club, a walking group and a model making group and they all offer different connections. Best thing I ever did.

Find some groups to join! I’m single and have always been. Join groups. What are your interests? Find new hobbies. Dance, art, sewing, gym, sport - cooking? So many groups to join. Can make amazing friends through groups.

Get fitter and stronger at gym, then take up
golf or tennis?

Maybe try meetup? They have singles groups for our age bracket lol, so its a start, and a great way to get one out of the comfort zone, there may be some odd balls, but that is all part of the fun package. They also have other groups within it, not just singles, so you may find something of interest there?
Maybe try badminton? Or take a class?

Simple as that? Go to the gym and get stronger. I’ve been going to this gym more than 20yrs and usually two to three times a week. I think I’m doing all I can on that front but sadly I am not particularly great at fitness and have poor hand to eye coordination for tennis or golf. I’m also working so free time is limited. Feels negative saying this but I hoped for other ideas. I have friends, I visit galleries and museums with them. I could try to find more social groups. Just feel that I am invisible really. And 60 is not like 75. I don’t feel any older in myself than in my 30s.

My life is fairly sorted but I suppose what I lack is someone who actually cares if I am dead or alive. Getting from here - zero interest from men - to there - a committed relationship with someone who cares - seems utterly impossible.

I think online dating is your best bet from a numbers point of view, yes there is a LOT of dross to sift through, but still worth doing.

Are there any dining clubs/groups in your area? Wine tasting?

Use the pool/spa of your local gym.
Your target age range are sat in the jacuzzi for up to an hour or more.
Ask me how I know 😩

I’ve thought of a dining group but I’m not aware of anything round here. I could get into London - maybe need to look harder. I’ve also thought of some sort of historical discussion groups or something but have not had much luck finding them. That would be something I might just be interested in for itself. Or an art group? But honestly there isn’t much around me - it’s just quite a settled area. Suited me for raising kids etc but now they are grown.

I’m the same age and I’ll be honest, the pickings of men out there are slimmer than Victoria Beckham. Most men around our age are either charging younger women or looking for a nurse with a purse.

The key is to make a single life for yourselves with a good social circle and if a man comes along all well and good. I’ve been single 6 years now and surrounded by other single women similar age who have built a great life where a man is an optional extra

I’ve used the pool for years - not for sitting, for swimming! Nobody has chatted to me. If you are swimming right they wouldn’t get a chance. Sauna is always stuffed with men - they don’t talk to me. I think I am not appealing. Also, I am not trying to get their attention in there!

Yes, I would have said that was me too. Good single life. I’ve been divorced and I am actually a bit scared of getting embroiled again. It’s just recently it has become more and more of a thing, feeling very alone. I have friends and speak to them often. But it doesn’t replace having a partner. Of course I can see on MumsNet (and know only too well) that relationships can also be tricky. For a long time I’ve felt better off alone. But now I’ve started wondering if I am just going to get more and more alone until old age and death?

From your replies I sense a defensiveness in you OP. Do you think that's coming over in RL? You say that the sauna is full of men, but they're not interested in you, so why is that? Are you interested in them? Would you describe yourself as a friendly person, easy to talk to, do you often get chatting to people in queues? Because if you go through life waiting for others to approach you, you'll be alone. You need to be approachable and friendly, open to conversation, willing to at least risk a smile with a stranger. Maybe I've got it all wrong, but from the things you've posted on this thread the sense I get is of a woman who is expecting men to approach her, but does nothing to encourage them.

I'd suggest a change in attitude is needed. Stop looking for a man and instead seek to make new connections. Do something you enjoy, or might enjoy. Learn something, volunteer, join things, get out and about, have new experiences, chat to people to get into the habit.

My experience of online dating at your age was that very ordinary 70 year old men were seeking glamorous women under 50. Get out into the real world

Sorry @TheOutlier the data isn’t promising for post 60 women. Older men moving into their frailer years. Similar age men able to attract younger women. It’s a big mind shift but better to face reality and embrace the world order.

U3A seems to be a hot bed of dating. At least that's where my father meets women! From going to a few official U3A groups he's found other things to join in with (both activities and volunteering) and whether or not he's dating/looking to meet women he's certainly out all the time being sociable.

I'm 54. Lived alone since my DC left home when I was 46. No partners or male friends, but plenty of female friends to socialise with.

Why do you want a partner? What would they bring to your life that your friends don't provide? Are you just missing sex because you don't need a 'boyfriend' to get that. You can get company from owning a dog. Okay, a dog won't change a light bulb but you can do that yourself. Want dinner cooked for you? Order in a takeaway. A man won't give you anything that you can't find or do yourself.

Are you looking for a full time full on relationship or just someone to see at weekends or a couple of times a week?

Presumably you miss sex if you want a man? Companionship can come from either sex.

@swingingbytheseat copped off 😆

Some people want more than what you have suggested. How would you like it if people were critical about you suggesting you are missing out in your lifestyle? I wanted to have a new relationship after my divorce and found one. Different strokes etc.

It just takes a bit of work and patience. Not all the men are disasters !

Many of my friends have met partners on-line and they are older than you, so don’t give up. Add this in to your other activities and enjoy it. Sooner or later the right person will come along.

Being approached in real life swimming etc is less likely, but you never know.

Have you tried Meet Up? Yes develop your interests as I wasn't working too. I did voluntary. I ended up having a passionate sexual relationship with one man I met organically ( as they say) at 61 😂 then met my now husband on POF. I was on Match too. You just need to not take any shit and not take things too personally.