Is this it? Alone at 60.

[TheOutlier]

I’ve been divorced seven years. Kids were teens then and I’ve been focused for the past few years on seeing them to full adulthood and keeping everything together. Suddenly I am 60, they are grown and (almost) flown and so it feels like there might be something missing in my life. The divorce was so difficult I basically swore off looking for anyone. Now I would like to meet an eligible bloke but it has always taken me a while to get to know people. I’ve tried a couple of apps, on and off, and have had a handful of coffee/lunch dates but there was no vibe. So no second dates. Oh and one scammer who I luckily realised was married before we ever met. I’m not sure online dating is really for me but how do I meet people otherwise? I’d never marry again but I might like some company.

Could you try a more professional , upmarket dating agency who actually put some work into picking the person that might suit?
I understand your need to have company just for you as its someone to plan things with at the weekend etc.

Our local civic society has a fairly active social life…meals and trips out that look fun

Most can’t attract younger women though. Most 40-50 year old women don’t want a 60 year old..

Not the ones with any sense, anyway! 🤣

Have you got a community choir? It doesn't seem you even have to sing well. Must be over 100 people in ours and a fair few deep voices at the back.

Some good ideas, thanks.

I agree unless they are loaded.

I have a friend who is solo and she has to pay outrageous prices for these solo holidays.

Sadly post 40 perhaps even younger mid, even early 30's men if they can tend to go younger. By mid 50's and upwards men who are single, available, somewhat attractive, not a total liability are so thin on the ground that those who exist can and do go younger. The others you probably wouldn't want.

Not saying it can't happen, it does but its not super common. I know a 45 year old man who has recently left his 46 year old girlfriend of a year because he still hasn't given up on the possibility of fatherhood and feels he'd be a better fit with someone younger.

Another late 40's male I know was saying how the least a man deserves is an attractive, slim, agreeable woman in her prime years (by which he means early 30's at most). He truly believes he's very young looking for his age and therefore should naturally attract women when he's in fact a dead ringer for Frankie Howard.

I could go on OP, I say put yourself out there live your life, meet people and maybe you will be lucky but don't pin your future happiness on a man.

They can't but they will image they can, feel entitled to one and treat women their own age as place markers. Additionally any of them worth a damn as so rare they usually can find someone younger. There are just more good, relationship worthy women out there than men.

Join some more groups.

Doesn’t stop them trying. I did OLD when I was mid/late 50’s and was bombarded by messages from men in their 70’s - the oldest one I think was 82 - all telling me age is only a number and getting rude and aggressive when they got a polite no thank you

Choir
Book Group
Read at your local.primary
Join a church
Amateur dramatics
Join a political party
Volunteer
University of the Third Age
Evening Class (are they still a thing?)
RHS and do their activity mornings

All of those things will be interest and friendship forming. Someone you meet may have a brother, uncle, friend who is looking for a partner. Whether that happens for you or not, your life will still be enriched.

Do you have a close friend you could live with? Like the golden girls! Sorry OP it sounds like you're lonely rather than romantically inclined?

I have friends in their mid-30s struggling to meet suitable men, it's dire out there.

I’m nearly 58. Was with my STBX husband since age 19. It’s been 38 years since any other man showed the slightest interest (not that I’d have wanted them to), so I know what you mean about the “not giving off the right vibes” thing.
Either that or I’ve completely missed any attempts to flirt with me!
At the moment (separated 18mths) my plan is to meet new people and if something happens so be it. I’ll probably run a mile anyway as the thought of getting naked with anyone new is completely terrifying 😂
I completely get what you mean. I never intended to grow old alone and am extremely sad that could be on the cards now.

I’m 60 not 90! There are men looking for women my age and I have had dates - just not any connection from them. And OLD is depressing. But I suppose I must carry on. The historical group suggestions were good.

I think I would be romantically inclined with the right bloke. I have only had two relationships in my life and I’ve been alone a long time but I wouldn’t say it would be impossible. Just that I would not be some OLD bedhopper of the “must have sex on the third date” variety found on the relationship board. I am pretty reserved.

Not read full thread so this may be redundant but is there a University of the third age (U3A) group near you? I know people who have made new connections that way.

That’s where my ex-husband met his new wife! Except he wasn’t my ex-husband at the time…

There are a great many fabulous single women in their 50's and 60's whereas decent, attractive and single men our age are vanishingly rare - so the odds are massively against you OP. You'd have to be pretty spectacular to bag one of the single gems - what do you have to offer OP?

I introduced my mother to her future husband when she was 68… just saying.
met a lady the other day who was marrying again in her 80s
It is just luck OP, right place, right time. Which means if you stay home alone you’ll remain home alone.
sorry. It is hard

@EachFallenRobin not sure if you meant that to be quite as mean as it seems. I have plenty to offer. I am intelligent, well-travelled, own teeth and hair, good job, good sense of humour. Dress OK, I think, as far as I am concerned anyway. I see plenty of dowdy women my age with some dull husband they have tolerated for years. I am as fab as any of them. I work out three times a week. I’m loyal to my friends and I’d like someone fun to go out with. There must be a similar bunch of men my age in the same boat. Yes, they will think they can pick up women in their 20s. I’d like to date a handsome movie star too but I am realistic!

I feel the same and I am 50, OP. I’m not that bothered about not having a man except worried about massive empty next syndrome when my teens leave home. But dating apps are full of twats and I’ve no idea how anyone manages to find their prince among so many frogs! I miss the days when you could find a nice bloke down the pub! (Now they’re all either alcoholics or married. Or both!)

I am 56 and had an upper limit of 57 on my preferences to avoid this. I had a lot of interest from younger men but have been with current partner who is my exact age for a year. We met through Tinder.

I.had no interest whatsoever in an older man. I would probably say the easiest way to meet men is through the apps.

Maybe give it another go OP. Look upon it as a way to meet new people perhaps without any expectation.

Yes, I have set age preferences with a cut-off of 65. There is another big divide at this age between the working and retired. I am working towards retirement but not yet - so I don’t have the free time a retired person would. On the other hand I’m not that keen on a younger man because he would still be working by the time I retired (if it lasted that long).