Is this it? Alone at 60.

[TheOutlier]

I’ve been divorced seven years. Kids were teens then and I’ve been focused for the past few years on seeing them to full adulthood and keeping everything together. Suddenly I am 60, they are grown and (almost) flown and so it feels like there might be something missing in my life. The divorce was so difficult I basically swore off looking for anyone. Now I would like to meet an eligible bloke but it has always taken me a while to get to know people. I’ve tried a couple of apps, on and off, and have had a handful of coffee/lunch dates but there was no vibe. So no second dates. Oh and one scammer who I luckily realised was married before we ever met. I’m not sure online dating is really for me but how do I meet people otherwise? I’d never marry again but I might like some company.

I had age set from 50-62 so I didn’t see anyone outside of these ages however I still got messages from men young enough up be my son and old enough to be my father.

Which app were you using because I thought that was supposed to stop them being able to Contact you?

Certainly on Tinder and hinge which were the two that I used they couldn't see you or contact you or message you if they were outside of your parameters

This was a few years ago as not used OLD since 22/23 but think it was POF and Match. I also used Bumble but that one you could only message if you matched.

If you are interested in History then you can lean into that. Is there a university near you? Most have outreach programmes where you can hear lectures or see guest lecturers. There will be a U3A historic group. Facebook will have some events listed too if you join local groups. Any museums nearby?

Just to point out, I am still working. Don’t really have time for U3A. Some of the suggestions of historical groups I will look into.

Actually, it’s interesting to see how people imagine it is at age 60. I might have thought the same when younger. I’m not a little old lady. I work in a demanding job. It’s not like being 70 plus. Although I expect when I get to 70 I will feel the same - exactly the same as I did in my 30s. Relatives told me this when I was younger, but I didn’t listen. You don’t really feel any older as you age unless maybe you have a debilitating condition. I’d say I am actually fitter than I was a few years ago. I suppose I have a bit of empty nest syndrome. Both kids have been independent for a while but now really are doing their own things. DS is living with me, back from uni, but I barely see him. DD has fully embraced being away at uni.

That’s a good point OP. Often it’s other people’s perspectives that view age in that light. Younger people might look and just see ‘old people’ rather than appreciating the individuals who might not feel old themselves.

You will 😉

Exactly.. just set the preferences to avoid anyone older.

What about singles holidays? Not coach tours etc. There are quite few companies: HF is one and there are ones that do sailing holidays. Have a look on-line.

As I said I did set age limits but I still got messages from 27 year olds and 80 year olds

That’s very annoying! Wtf is the point of letting you set it then

There are all sorts of blokes on the apps admitting they are lying about their age - some in their 30s (judging by the pics) saying they are 60 and others who are older and admit they have knocked off five years. It’s meant to be a thing - younger men seeking out older women. But I’m not interested.

If you have time to volunteer that might be a good place to look as well. There's bound to be something suitable locally.

It depends on the app. POF literally anyone can message you (and believe me they really do) whereas ones like Bumble you need to match before you can message.

They lie about their height as well. I’ve been on several dates with men who claimed to be about 6 ft but were only an inch or two taller than me - I’m 5’7

Me too. Instant ick for me tbh, I like a man to be honest from the off. Also at 5 7 I want them around 6 foot ngl.

My current partner put 6 foot and is. Thankfully. He was honest and transparent from the outset. As was I.

There are decent people on the apps, it's just a matter of locating them.

😂 at 62 I’m one of the youngest in the choir I’ve been singing in by at least 15+ years and the tiny minority of men look even more ancient than that

Have you asked the men at work if they have any friends who are single? Use your network, like we used to before apps.

DP and I connected after our marriages fell apart. We had been friends for years and I was a bit surprised when he made the move. But.. I know exactly the sort of man that he is, and I am very happy!

The apps allow you to connect with men that you won't just bump into by chance eg they work, you work. My now husband lived less than 1/2 mile from me and I had never seen him before. He had lived there for two years.

Of course and that’s great that your story had a happy ending. Unfortunately for many women it also puts you in touch with men who are time wasters, only after sex, sometimes scammers and worse. It broadens your horizons to people you’d never have met in day to day life in a bad way. For this reason, I’m now too wary as the possible harms outweigh the stories that end like yours.

I think you meet these men in any walks of life to be honest there's no way of avoiding them.

I found the apps very useful in being able to filter men out for being local to me and interested in the same things as I was.

Of course you are going to meet dodgy men but you would meet them just as easily in your local pub.

I’m not so sure I agree. I think it’s much easier to manipulate and lie from behind a screen etc, but I do get where you are coming from - it can happen to people in other ways of networking. How many men who are married do you hear of on these apps for example?

You do need to have your wits about you , set strict limits and proceed sensibly.

Yeah just not sure what the "possible harms" are really? As long as you are sensible and check the guy out, make sure his socials etc tally with what he is telling you.

All the guys I met up with were keen to set my mind at rest about their provenance so to speak. Quite a few were professionals and so easy to check out via Google or LinkedIn.