Have YOU had an affair?

[girlnextdoor]

Like a similar poster not long ago, I am astounded at the number of mums posting abut their partners' affairs.

Yet, there is always another side- they are having affairs with women- many of whom will be mums too.

I am interested to hear the OWs stories. Things are never as black and white as one side may think.

Sometimes affairs can stop a marriage falling apart- if it is discreet or if both partners are relaxed about it- certainly, the upper classes and French presidents openly have affairs and everyone seems to accept it.

This is NOT the thread to join in with if you are hurting from your DHs affair, or if you can only see one side, and can only contribute things like marriage vows, trust, etc etc- but as a general open-minded debate it would be good to hear some other sides to it.

how would you know that pp

I would never have an affair with a married man especially if they had kids. It puts me off people if I found out they got with someone that way or are at it due to the pain they cause the other partners and kids I think they maybe have something missing in their lives or like to compete subconsiously. Why else would they allow someone on cheat on them (most married men still sleep with their wives even if they say they don't) or say to someone 'leave your wife then ring me'. Most married men don't leave do they and those who do are usually using OW as a way out and move on and also there is the trust issue and resentment eventually when they realise that the grass isn't greener when domesticity sets in.

hi slim... should go to bed really!

egypt- you've lost me now! which of the posts did I say OW? I think what i meant was the person the man is seeing apart from his wife.

What I was hoping for my be some illuminating comments from men or women who have had affairs- or who are- and who feel that there is always more than one side to why they do it.

On here, the OW or OM is always seen as in the wrong- but we never hear that the wife or husband may have driven them to it- it's always seen as the man's fault and that the women is the innocent party.

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thought as much , don't believe everything he says !

I know, me too.
Actually am going, will check again after next feed if can't back to sleep.
This one sounds promising.....

and we're off

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PP- please don't feel you have to defend yourself- this debate is NOT about you- it is a debate LOOKING AT THE OTHER SIDE- if you don't know what that is, look it up and then join in!

Why do you think you went along with it? I often wondered if it was the excitement and thrill of it - you know that way when you first get together with someone and it's all dead exciting and 'buzzy'!

girlnextdoor at that they have 'driven them too it' comment that is very unfair imo
if they aren't happy they can leave , no?

Had an affair with my boss, I was his assistant. We travelled everywhere together, saw each other every day, he moved into my place after 6 months. He left the wife less than a year after the affair began.

We are now married and are expecting our first child. It's still great, we're each others soul mate. Ex-wife is happy in new relationship, happier in fact than she was with him, so there are no bad feelings from her side.

I wouldn't want a man who's just not having an affair because no other woman wants him... What weird logic is that? He should be faithful to you because he wants to, not because no one else will touch him...

Most cheating hubbys probably try make out the wife has cheated or is treating them badly so you don't feel badly about sleeping with them or think they are a shit, truth is many times it is the hubby who is the selfish one in the marriage, after all they are cheating rather than sorting out any problems!

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ok gnd. this bit

"what I am trying to find out is how the OW feel and if anyone is happy to share their partner, knowing they will never split up, "

was where I got confused. I didn't realise you wanted to hear from OW AND people who were happy to share their other halves. I thought you were saying was the OW (you) happy to share your partner.........

def going to bed

i think affairs are just disrespectful...would not embark on one for the plain fact i would not want to be the OW
thats all my mother seems to have been her whole life.....my older brother doesnt know who is father is because she wont tell him....she had an affair with his father for 14 years....his father did not give a shit about him or my mother........
she then went on to have an affair with her sisters husband.....i knew for years about, it became common knowlege around 2 years ago.....there is only me and my brother that speak to her.......it's sad really becausae i have no respect for her whatsoever....she never raised the bar and respected herself enough to be a better woman.
It has left her a lonely a lonely woman in her late 50s with nobody......very sad

Well what if you are in the 'wrong' marriage without knowing it and then you meet your 'soul mate' or anam cara?

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i have a similar story to pp. but i haven't actually had the affair. the man in question was an x fling from uni. we still keep in touch but i haven't ever done anything. as mundane as my life can be sometimes, i would rather have my beautiful dh then risk anything.

Personally I think it is the person with the family that is doing the worst thing and not the person they are having the affair with - DH and I got together when I was married - had been asked for a divorce by XH and he was a drinker and a wife beater - DH is the sweetest, nicest, most considerate man ever - sometimes these things happen and people go on to live perfectly happy lives with people that they adore.

All this sisterhood stuff reminds me of Sharon Osbourne attacking Rebecca Loose on Xfactor thing and DH and I looked at each other and siad we would if we were married to POSH!

Yes, Doodle, good question.

Most people will say, the right thing to do is to end it with the wife and then date the new partner. We are all human and the 'right' thing doesn't always happen. There are overlaps in relationships.

Is it still exciting PP - are you going to take it any further - is there a future in it?

No affair dont have time management skills

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