Have YOU had an affair?

[girlnextdoor]

Like a similar poster not long ago, I am astounded at the number of mums posting abut their partners' affairs.

Yet, there is always another side- they are having affairs with women- many of whom will be mums too.

I am interested to hear the OWs stories. Things are never as black and white as one side may think.

Sometimes affairs can stop a marriage falling apart- if it is discreet or if both partners are relaxed about it- certainly, the upper classes and French presidents openly have affairs and everyone seems to accept it.

This is NOT the thread to join in with if you are hurting from your DHs affair, or if you can only see one side, and can only contribute things like marriage vows, trust, etc etc- but as a general open-minded debate it would be good to hear some other sides to it.

and are you married/have kids?

Nope. I've even been faithful to my "flings".

carmen- i think what i was thinking some people might post is-we have an "open" marriage- we will always be together but need more than each other can give us- or, my DH/DW would rather I had an affair and stayed with them than not have affairs and split up...

it takes a bitof imagination to get your head round this if ti;s not your cup of tea, but there must be the other side out there.

Out of interest- anyone read the extract from Lord Snowden's biography in the Times last weekend- he had loads of women all on the go at once, and they all knew about each other.

Message withdrawn

Never had an affair - have seen the fall out in my parents' and my best friend's marriages, so I don't want to go there, and am happily married (afaik) anyway.

Yes you would if he's married.

on the defensive already???

I have never had one. I don't get pleasure out of seeing anyones family being torn apart.

Well I think if you don't have an open marriage being 'ok' with your partner have an affair or many affaires means that you probably don't have great self esteem or perhaps you don't like sex much.
The Lord Snowdon example is good though, who would want to be one of many bits on the side to a toff? Someone who had not much else going for her, or at least had low expectations.

Message withdrawn

I had an on/off affair with my exP (my DS's father) for 10 years whilst we were both in other relationships.

I felt awful about it then and feel bad still now.

Apart from the fact that i wouldnt have DS otherwise, I wish I'd never laid eyes on him. I've certainly had my "punishment" for it since.

He is evidently having 2 affairs now and they all know and are quite happy- all in their 60s and 70s.

so what's your story pp?

Never had an affair. Don't intend to either. My little family's happy (on the whole) and I wouldn't do anything to risk that.

bananaknickers..

I think what I was trying to say was a DISCREET affair- not to end the marriage etc .

I KNOW this is hard for some people to understand and I am not saying I have done it or will, what I am trying to find out is how the OW feel and if anyone is happy to share their partner, knowing they will never split up, but that their partner needs more than they can give the- no-one gives us 100% what we need.

PP you dont know if the wife knows. Sounds like you dont care either.

Jesus what ever yhappened to women looking out for each other. Hope the hurt that your causing never happens to you, or maybe it should then you could see what your doing.

Shame on you

oh please don't start on pp- I intended this to be a debate- f you don't know what that means, don't join in- it's not supposed to be personal against another MN it is supposed to be a theoretical debate.

Message withdrawn

girlnextdoor

by OW are you refering to the innocent wife who's h is having it away? usually OW means the one who the h is having it away WITH.

maybe that's the confusion here.

girlnextdoor i would say that discreet affairs can still tear familys apart, just because someone turns a blind eye it doesn't mean they are happy to do so ?
I am not sure it is asblack and white as being happy to share your partner ?

I watched a program once. There was a mother and daughter on it. They were both saying they loved having affair with someone elses husband.

They can give them pleasure and get lavished with attention. They don't have to pick up after them and the wife gets all the shit.

They got slated by the audience.

Charming women - not. Can't remember which program it was as I was flicking chanels. These women sat there and couldn't give a toss.

Message withdrawn

No. And I don't know how women with children (and often jobs too) have the time to have affairs. Although they may have moral failings, they must be time managment geniuses.

How did you find yourself in this situation PP and how do you feel about it?

hellooooooooo
looks like we are going to have entertainment

Egypt,you bored?