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Original poster

Living separately - over 50s

108 replies

ThatRosePlayer · 26/12/2025 20:41

I have been with my partner for over two years now. Both in our 50s. I’m divorced, he’s been separated for 20+ years, didyget divorced because of a joint business.
We have our own houses within 40 mins drive of each other. Yesterday he started hinting at moving in together.
but I am happy the way we are, I like my own space and do not miss the ‘domestic bliss’. I was very clear from the beginning that I didn’t want to live together. I don’t want to lose him but living together is not what I want.

has anyone else been in a similar situation?

OP posts:
Haggisfish3 · 26/12/2025 20:46

Me and dp are similar. We both have dc and both like having our own houses!! We do plan to move in together eventually but we would both be happy as we are forever, too. It’s tricky if you don’t both feel the same way though. A chat is needed.

Pavementworrier · 26/12/2025 20:47

He's not your partner if you don't live together, he's a guy you shag and socialise with

Otherwise I say do as you please

PaperMachePanda · 26/12/2025 20:49

I wouldn't.

I mean what happens when he dies if he's still married to his wife, where does that leave you?

bushproblems · 26/12/2025 20:50

he maybe looking for a nurse with a purse…..I’d stick to my guns and not live a man I wasn’t married to, if I was already established on my own. I can’t see any upside to having one in your home, if you don’t need one!

Dearg · 26/12/2025 20:50

Sounds like you need to clearly remind him that you are not looking for a live-in.

If you need an excuse, the fact that he’s not actually divorced with a clear financial cut off from his wife, would be a huge one for me.

Miltonv · 26/12/2025 20:52

Just remind him. Always be true to yourself.

AnonAnonmystery · 26/12/2025 20:53

Pavementworrier · 26/12/2025 20:47

He's not your partner if you don't live together, he's a guy you shag and socialise with

Otherwise I say do as you please

That’s such a rude comment. Partner doesn’t mean you have to live together.

FirstdatesFred · 26/12/2025 20:54

I'm a bit younger than you and still have kids at home, but even so, I'm not sure I ever want to live with boyfriend/dp and have been upfront about that,
We both like the idea of living separately but within the same village and walking distance.

Pavementworrier · 26/12/2025 20:54

AnonAnonmystery · 26/12/2025 20:53

That’s such a rude comment. Partner doesn’t mean you have to live together.

Show quote history

It means they are your partner. A bloke you knock about with is not your partner. You have no shared stakes in this life.

Anna20MFG · 26/12/2025 20:56

Pavementworrier · 26/12/2025 20:47

He's not your partner if you don't live together, he's a guy you shag and socialise with

Otherwise I say do as you please

Nonsense!

Talk it through and find a way that could work for both of you. It may be that he just needs a bit more closeness and you a bit more independence, and there is a way to meet in the middle.

Pavementworrier · 26/12/2025 20:57

Anna20MFG · 26/12/2025 20:56

Nonsense!

Talk it through and find a way that could work for both of you. It may be that he just needs a bit more closeness and you a bit more independence, and there is a way to meet in the middle.

Show quote history

In what sense is a guy who could block you tomorrow and you'd never see him again your partner?

People need to stop taking such a childish approach to life.

Eggcheese · 26/12/2025 20:57

Pavementworrier · 26/12/2025 20:54

It means they are your partner. A bloke you knock about with is not your partner. You have no shared stakes in this life.

Show quote history

My cousin has been with her partner for 15 years but have only just recently moved in together. They have been partners for years! Different living arrangements doesn’t change a relationship.

UxmalFan · 26/12/2025 20:57

You could ask him why he wants to move in together. People's feelings and needs can change over 20 years. See if you can find a compromise that gives each of you what you want from the relationship.

winter8090 · 26/12/2025 20:58

I’m on the opposite end. Same scenario but the lack of commitment is starting to grate on me after 3 years.

I guess the answer is how compatible you both are with the arrangement. If it works for one of you but not the other I would say your going to run into issues.

Arlanymor · 26/12/2025 20:59

Pavementworrier · 26/12/2025 20:54

It means they are your partner. A bloke you knock about with is not your partner. You have no shared stakes in this life.

Show quote history

I'll tell my neighbour that - her partner had to move to a care home because of illness that needed specific support that she couldn't provide.

Next time I see her I'll say: "Carol you need to stop calling him your partner, because according to someone online he's just a random..."

Pavementworrier · 26/12/2025 21:01

Arlanymor · 26/12/2025 20:59

I'll tell my neighbour that - her partner had to move to a care home because of illness that needed specific support that she couldn't provide.

Next time I see her I'll say: "Carol you need to stop calling him your partner, because according to someone online he's just a random..."

Show quote history

If they did live together before this then of course their relationship is real don't be absurd. If people have zero (zero) practical commitment to one another they are just casually hanging out sometimes and need to get a grip.

Anna20MFG · 26/12/2025 21:02

Pavementworrier · 26/12/2025 20:57

In what sense is a guy who could block you tomorrow and you'd never see him again your partner?

People need to stop taking such a childish approach to life.

Show quote history

Sorry, that's a bizarre approach to relationships! I wonder if you have trust issues? Attachment complexities? No need to respond to me as I realise these are personal issues, but I don't think I'm the one with emotional maturity problems here.

Pavementworrier · 26/12/2025 21:03

Anna20MFG · 26/12/2025 21:02

Sorry, that's a bizarre approach to relationships! I wonder if you have trust issues? Attachment complexities? No need to respond to me as I realise these are personal issues, but I don't think I'm the one with emotional maturity problems here.

Show quote history

I have had plenty of nice relationships of various degrees. I don't even subscribe to the Mumsnet view that looking at porn is some hideous betrayal.

A boyfriend is not a partner.

MrsDoomsPatterson1 · 26/12/2025 21:04

You were honest in the first place

he can talk to the air

MrsDoomsPatterson1 · 26/12/2025 21:05

Pavementworrier · 26/12/2025 20:47

He's not your partner if you don't live together, he's a guy you shag and socialise with

Otherwise I say do as you please

Don’t be so silly

OP can use whatever term she likes

you don’t even know if she’s “xxx” him

MrsDoomsPatterson1 · 26/12/2025 21:07

Pavementworrier · 26/12/2025 20:54

It means they are your partner. A bloke you knock about with is not your partner. You have no shared stakes in this life.

Show quote history

Don’t be ridiculous of course you do

MrsDoomsPatterson1 · 26/12/2025 21:07

Next door houses?

or just move nearer

Anna20MFG · 26/12/2025 21:08

Pavementworrier · 26/12/2025 21:03

I have had plenty of nice relationships of various degrees. I don't even subscribe to the Mumsnet view that looking at porn is some hideous betrayal.

A boyfriend is not a partner.

Edited
Show quote history

We differ then, because I'd be unhappy with porn. But I have the big country house, he has the London flat, we move between both separately and together because time together and time alone is what we both need and makes us both happy. And we are certainly building a future together, but maybe in a different way from the way you would have in mind. And I see no reason why the OP shouldn't find a way that suits her, whatever that looks like.

AnonAnonmystery · 26/12/2025 21:08

@Pavementworrier gently. I have “partner” and we’ve been together 5 years. We have dc and we live 45 mins apart. So we live in each others houses at least 3 -5 nights a week. He has a key to my house, he takes care of me when I’m sick and to hospital appointments. He’s not a casual shag just because we don’t live together and I wouldn’t block him either. You need to stop being so black and white. The op didn’t come on here for correction on calling her partner her partner!

TwistedWonder · 26/12/2025 21:24

Eggcheese · 26/12/2025 20:57

My cousin has been with her partner for 15 years but have only just recently moved in together. They have been partners for years! Different living arrangements doesn’t change a relationship.

Show quote history

My sister was with her ex 18 years, 2 (now adult) DC and they had their own homes.

Im 60 and would never ever ever cohabit again. When you’re older there’s no point at all in moving in together unless it’s what you both want but choosing yo kept your own homes doesn’t make someone less of a partner.