Starting to not feel attracted to partner what should I do?

[Doesanyonereallyliketurkey]

Prepared to get flamed for being shallow but here goes. I met my partner just over a year ago now. When we were dating he was into fitness and the gym, it was something I found attractive. I like a man who looks after himself and is a proactive partner.

Looking back I think he love bombed me a bit was telling me he loved me within two months and it was a case of me feeling flattered and feeling desired ( single parent dating again after long time) Anyway to begin with their was a lot of chemistry but also mixed feelings. Within 3/4 of dating he was travelling a lot and put on a lot of weight it was quite startling to be honest as he went from slim to over weight and then he just hasn’t gone to gym again and got bigger since. I brought it up to him and he took it on board but I feel he thinks it’s not important anymore now we’re past the dating stage. That’s what it feels like. He will make this baby voice after I’ve made a meal and go your boy is still hungry and rubs his belly and then proceeds to eat what I would of had for lunch the next day.

I think he’s handsome but he went from this image of fitness guy to sorry I ate a whole load of bread out your freezer and all your kids snacks in the night. An I just finding it repulsive. When we have sex his belly now gets on the way and I hate myself for not being able to see past this. He is a good guy but I think he has a binging disorder.

When we met he would batch cook healthy meals now every night he shows me pics of takeaways he’s having. I think it’s more than the food so for example being a single parent we meet when my kids aren’t with me and often I have things I need to do. He will be like come on just cuddle me and then sleep for the day and I’m just finding it all a turn off and need to vent.

He’s met my family and friends everyone loves him. He treats me better than other relationships I’ve been in. He doesn’t have kids himself. Part of me thinks I’m in my 30s single parent with two kids who am
I to judge.

Is it worth working on my outlook in life and trying to shift how I feel or do I need to move on. God what do I even say to end it if I do?

I seem to flip between the two and I know deep down it’s not fair on him. My ex was abusive but I truly fancied him and I just don’t feel that way about my current partner but also isn’t it more important to have a healthy relationship and someone who treats you well?

Someone talk some sense into me I feel
its got out of control we’re about to spend Christmas together.

This relationship didn't have a strong foundation at the start and it definitely doesn't now. The baby voice would make me vomit over the leftovers. Just end it, life's too short to become his obesity induced carer.

He doesn’t sound remotely appealing.

Maybe this relationship has run its course.

He did it to me in the supermarket the other day too and I said please don’t do the baby voice and he just laughs it off. He has a very thick skin. Doesn’t take offence easily.

He genuinely adores me I think part of me worries I’ll keep trying to find Mr Perfect and end up alone when I’m not perfect myself.

I read a thread on here about icks and I feel I have that now.

You’ve got the ick and I’m not surprised. It’s not just his looks that are a problem, it’s his whole attitude.

He eats all your kids snacks? Does he then go to the shops and replace them? Or do you have to make the journey and spend the money to replace them? Or do you kids have to go without?

Finish it. Tell him your lives are heading in different directions and you need to be with someone who is on the same path as you.

This relationship isn’t fair to you or your DC.

My family all hope he’s the one. It’s just going to be me and my dog isn’t it. Maybe that’s not so bad.

This is such a turn off. Fit and healthy when he wanted to find a woman, he’s got you now so doesn’t need to bother any more.
I had one like this. Past tense. Mine went to the gym every day when I met him, he then sat in front of the tv drinking booze and eating haribo.

When we have sex his belly now gets on the way and I hate myself for not being able to see past this.

Not finding this attractive is not a statement about your character. The majority would find this extremely unattractive.

The bit about everyone loves him. I doubt they are that invested. If they are they can socialise with him once you’ve split up.

No he rarely will get stuff that’s for my kids if he’s eaten it. It’s not the money it’s more when they come back home I need to then do another trip to make sure I have enough. I have one child who will only eat a few meals and having a loaf of bread in the freezer can save me on days I’m burned out. As I can do a quick beans on toast or eggs on toast.

I came down this morning and he also eaten half this really nice m&s chocolate spread my mum got me and there was the peanut buyer put too and the knifes covered just left out on the side and I find his lack of self control unattractive. I said today let’s get into fitness in the new year and he just ignored it.

If personal fitness in a partner is a 'must have' for you, then this guy isn't for you in the long-term. If it was a 'nice to have' then you wouldn't feel like this and could see past it. Baby voices in a partner are never attractive!

This!

The first pic he sent me was in the gym and then after a few months he just stopped going he said it’s because all his time goes into me so he can’t possibly go to the gym anymore. Baring in mind I have my children over 60 percent of the time and meet when they aren’t home.

The fitness thing isn’t a must have but who he is now I wouldn’t have dated to begin with and it’s like he’s completely changed from the image I had. I don’t need a guy to go to the gym but I need a guy to look after himself for me to be attracted I think now.

Get rid. He'll only get fatter.

He’s not going to change, make space for the right man for you.

I would feel the same way! Grossed out and pissed off that no food is safe.

You're only going out a year and he has changed considerably. You are allowed put yourself first. I would cut back on seeing him, be a bit busier and see if you find him attractive when you meet up for dates out.

Him stuffing the contents of your freezer is not attractive and a bit too complacent and inconsiderate of your household after a year.

He can be a nice guy but not your guy.

What do I do about Christmas?

The fitness thing could have been a blip. He sounds like he has an eating disorder. I would find all of this unappealing, especially the baby voices. It's only going to get worse these are early days to be getting this ick. Don't worry what your family or anybody else thinks. You don't have to settle just because you are lp.

You've only been together a year if it's not working out just dump him, it's not like it's a long term partnership.

Someone said it sounds like the relationship has run its course and that’s exactly how it feels. I think I need to work on myself more too it went faster than I wanted it too. If it wasn’t for needing to be attracted to him I would be content with the relationship.

Are you meant to be seeing him on Christmas? Maybe you could just break up with him after.

He supposed to be staying with me at mine. Kids are with their Dad this year for the first part. So has everything planned do days I’m child free to not be alone Christmas but I am dreading the Christmas gluttony that is to come.

He set himself up as one thing, fit gym guy, then turned out to be an out of control binge eater and exercise avoider. Maybe you can be friends, no need to beat yourself up about it.

Just end it op. You said yourself he’s got a thick skin. If he’s comfortable role playing being a little boy he will cope just fine over Christmas.

Do you still want to see him at Christmas? Quite hard to break up at this point. You might as well give it a week? that's probably what I would do. Once I did have to break up with someone at this time of year and I sort of framed it as a New Year/rethinking my life type thing.

He also got a personalised gift for my eldest and used a picture of us all out and it has his face on and I think it’s too much and been waiting to ask him to not gift it to her.

oh god I’m just thinking of all the things he does. He had a hole in his sock from his toe nail being too long. He then wore the same pair the next day.