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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Starting to not feel attracted to partner what should I do?

105 replies

Doesanyonereallyliketurkey · 22/12/2025 20:15

Prepared to get flamed for being shallow but here goes. I met my partner just over a year ago now. When we were dating he was into fitness and the gym, it was something I found attractive. I like a man who looks after himself and is a proactive partner.

Looking back I think he love bombed me a bit was telling me he loved me within two months and it was a case of me feeling flattered and feeling desired ( single parent dating again after long time) Anyway to begin with their was a lot of chemistry but also mixed feelings. Within 3/4 of dating he was travelling a lot and put on a lot of weight it was quite startling to be honest as he went from slim to over weight and then he just hasn’t gone to gym again and got bigger since. I brought it up to him and he took it on board but I feel he thinks it’s not important anymore now we’re past the dating stage. That’s what it feels like. He will make this baby voice after I’ve made a meal and go your boy is still hungry and rubs his belly and then proceeds to eat what I would of had for lunch the next day.

I think he’s handsome but he went from this image of fitness guy to sorry I ate a whole load of bread out your freezer and all your kids snacks in the night. An I just finding it repulsive. When we have sex his belly now gets on the way and I hate myself for not being able to see past this. He is a good guy but I think he has a binging disorder.

When we met he would batch cook healthy meals now every night he shows me pics of takeaways he’s having. I think it’s more than the food so for example being a single parent we meet when my kids aren’t with me and often I have things I need to do. He will be like come on just cuddle me and then sleep for the day and I’m just finding it all a turn off and need to vent.

He’s met my family and friends everyone loves him. He treats me better than other relationships I’ve been in. He doesn’t have kids himself. Part of me thinks I’m in my 30s single parent with two kids who am
I to judge.

Is it worth working on my outlook in life and trying to shift how I feel or do I need to move on. God what do I even say to end it if I do?

I seem to flip between the two and I know deep down it’s not fair on him. My ex was abusive but I truly fancied him and I just don’t feel that way about my current partner but also isn’t it more important to have a healthy relationship and someone who treats you well?

Someone talk some sense into me I feel
its got out of control we’re about to spend Christmas together.

OP posts:
OriginalUsername2 · 23/12/2025 13:13

Doesanyonereallyliketurkey · 23/12/2025 09:13

Yeah I think maybe part of it was because he got a hair transplant within the first six months and it was like after that as well he just didn’t try with his appearance as much. Maybe he tried hard to compensate I don’t know.

For example he’s worn the same clothes all year his shoes have holes in and he won’t buy new ones I have shoes as a Christmas present for him. He goes well they just get muddy so why buy new ones.

My ex really took pride in his appearance and I consider myself laid back but it’s just the other end of the spectrum. I’ll be like oo nice hat oh I found this in lost property at work. 😣

He won’t buy me flowers as they just die and are a waste. He’s very tight with money. Unless it’s to do with a takeaway..
All These things I have brought up in conversation.

I really do want to bring it up again but also feel it’s probably pointless. I do want to just get Christmas out the way. I’ve tried to end things before and it was so stressful.

I’ve tried to end things before and it was so stressful.

That’s telling. What happened? I’m guessing he made you feel guilty?

If a woman says she’s done, a man should respect that and not manipulate you into staying.

Again, you don’t owe him anything, even if he’s treated you like a queen at some points.

bigboykitty · 23/12/2025 13:15

That's why I said to do it by text. He doesn't listen to OP or respect her wishes.

Crushed23 · 23/12/2025 14:11

Doesanyonereallyliketurkey · 23/12/2025 09:13

Yeah I think maybe part of it was because he got a hair transplant within the first six months and it was like after that as well he just didn’t try with his appearance as much. Maybe he tried hard to compensate I don’t know.

For example he’s worn the same clothes all year his shoes have holes in and he won’t buy new ones I have shoes as a Christmas present for him. He goes well they just get muddy so why buy new ones.

My ex really took pride in his appearance and I consider myself laid back but it’s just the other end of the spectrum. I’ll be like oo nice hat oh I found this in lost property at work. 😣

He won’t buy me flowers as they just die and are a waste. He’s very tight with money. Unless it’s to do with a takeaway..
All These things I have brought up in conversation.

I really do want to bring it up again but also feel it’s probably pointless. I do want to just get Christmas out the way. I’ve tried to end things before and it was so stressful.

What happened when you previously tried to end things?

JaquiRussell · 26/12/2025 11:00

How did it go @Doesanyonereallyliketurkey

I ended things on the 20th after a year of dating. Felt it was kinder than to give us both and awkward Christmas. But hope yours wasn't as excruciating as you implied it might have been 😣

ClareBlue · 26/12/2025 17:54

Doesanyonereallyliketurkey · 22/12/2025 20:21

He did it to me in the supermarket the other day too and I said please don’t do the baby voice and he just laughs it off. He has a very thick skin. Doesn’t take offence easily.

He genuinely adores me I think part of me worries I’ll keep trying to find Mr Perfect and end up alone when I’m not perfect myself.

I read a thread on here about icks and I feel I have that now.

Our partners don't need to be perfect but you don't need to compromise to this level just to be in a couple. This isn't going to work, so you either split now or further down the line, when ever that might be. There's no reason to think there isn't somebody else out there that you can be happy with. Why wouldn't there be. You won't meet him whilst you are trying to keep this going though.

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