Starting to not feel attracted to partner what should I do?

[Doesanyonereallyliketurkey]

Prepared to get flamed for being shallow but here goes. I met my partner just over a year ago now. When we were dating he was into fitness and the gym, it was something I found attractive. I like a man who looks after himself and is a proactive partner.

Looking back I think he love bombed me a bit was telling me he loved me within two months and it was a case of me feeling flattered and feeling desired ( single parent dating again after long time) Anyway to begin with their was a lot of chemistry but also mixed feelings. Within 3/4 of dating he was travelling a lot and put on a lot of weight it was quite startling to be honest as he went from slim to over weight and then he just hasn’t gone to gym again and got bigger since. I brought it up to him and he took it on board but I feel he thinks it’s not important anymore now we’re past the dating stage. That’s what it feels like. He will make this baby voice after I’ve made a meal and go your boy is still hungry and rubs his belly and then proceeds to eat what I would of had for lunch the next day.

I think he’s handsome but he went from this image of fitness guy to sorry I ate a whole load of bread out your freezer and all your kids snacks in the night. An I just finding it repulsive. When we have sex his belly now gets on the way and I hate myself for not being able to see past this. He is a good guy but I think he has a binging disorder.

When we met he would batch cook healthy meals now every night he shows me pics of takeaways he’s having. I think it’s more than the food so for example being a single parent we meet when my kids aren’t with me and often I have things I need to do. He will be like come on just cuddle me and then sleep for the day and I’m just finding it all a turn off and need to vent.

He’s met my family and friends everyone loves him. He treats me better than other relationships I’ve been in. He doesn’t have kids himself. Part of me thinks I’m in my 30s single parent with two kids who am
I to judge.

Is it worth working on my outlook in life and trying to shift how I feel or do I need to move on. God what do I even say to end it if I do?

I seem to flip between the two and I know deep down it’s not fair on him. My ex was abusive but I truly fancied him and I just don’t feel that way about my current partner but also isn’t it more important to have a healthy relationship and someone who treats you well?

Someone talk some sense into me I feel
its got out of control we’re about to spend Christmas together.

OK. You either finish it tonight. Or you have strategic norovirus over Christmas.

You really don’t need him. You have your dog, your kids. You just aren’t that desperate.

You could frame it as that, you feel things are moving too fast. The gift for your eldest has brought it to a head when you realised you weren't ready for that and you need time to rediscover who you are yourself before continuing with the relationship.
You want to take some space and see how you feel in the new year.

the rubbing the belly line made my vagina seal shut omg

Get rid

too much to overcome

and you don’t need to be grateful
as you are single parent in 30s - just as worthy as the next women

I think given the binge eating etc he had probably just slimmed down
to date and has ED

it’s only a year - hardly any time - move on

I think the baby voice (shudder) plus the sheer inconsiderate behaviour would do it for me as much as the letting himself go. He’s coasting on your good will, eating food that has been bought for you, taking food you need for your kids and not cleaning up after himself and not putting his hand in his pocket to replenish any of it! Nope, dump him now be done with it.

Yeah he’s very sexual too and will dry hump
me all the time and I will literally say it’s giving me the ick and he just laughs I don’t think he gets how serious it’s become and I’ve tried to discuss it.

Truly, you most definitely do, there is no going back, you can’t settle for this there is no point.

Get rid. Ideally now, then have a lovely sleep.

Enjoy having everything in your house under your control again

he’s not for you

and don’t make up
lies like above poster suggests - you don’t need to - tell the truth - you can start with things have changed drastically

even if not for the weight - you sound far to settled for a year - you should still be swinging from the lampshade in my opinion - sound alike he would wrench it off the ceiling

interested to know if you saw any pics from years ago on his dating profile

Better now than after Christmas if you’re really done. Might seem harsh but you don’t owe him a Christmas after such a short time. Christmas gluttony is even worse, all the good stuff will end up in him.

The correct reaction to demeaning behaviour is not a discussion, it’s immediate removal of access.

When we met he was slim. It really was within a few months of him traveling he would send pics back to me and I was shocked how big he had got. When he came back I tried to bring it up he did then go back to his batch cooking and gym but it lasted few weeks and then somehow I became the reason he couldn’t do that anymore as his time was with me.

I think it’s also come to a head as I’ve gone up a dress size. Im not over weight but it made me realise that I’ll get bigger too no doubt and I don’t want this for myself either.

And I know that feeling when everyone likes them

fact is they don’t see the whole him. - only
you get to - they can have him after you if they want! 😂

so it now - you will feel such relief

I'd feel the same tbh. But were it a man talking about how his wife had porked it he'd likely get crucified.

Hahaha

God it’s sad but I think because it’s the first relationship after my ex who cheated and then eventually left me and all that, that I feel this not working out is a humiliation in itself too. I know that’s rubbish.

Make sure also OP that you are safe when you break up with him, public place or over a phone call is best, don't make yourself vulnerable by doing it in person when it's just the two of you.

Just tell people about the re-wearing of the socks that have been punctured by his overgrown toenails 🤢 and they’ll completely get why you’re better off single.

Just think how free and liberated you are going to feel after you dump him tonight, no more dreading him stuffing his face and farting and dry humping you, your Christmas break should be relaxing and fun, and surely being alone with your gorgeous dog is a far better alternative and besides, you have a family. You owe this specimen nothing, nothing at all.

I was expecting to get it to be honest.

I think if it was just his weight and he was being proactive or a health issue it wouldn’t be so bad but it feels like a deception of some kind that he portrayed someone he wasn’t and just has no self control. I had fresh bread and he still ate the emergency freezer bread that he knows is for my kids with most the spreads and their snacks for school.

Dear god, reading the baby voice tummy rub thing made my vagina slam shut like a Venus flytrap!! 🤢

It doesn’t sound like it OP

you sound like your not gonna hang on regardless and have very good agency for yourself and know what’s a deal breaker - great way to approach it

you can ask for more than this - wait till he gets you matching T-shirts to sit in front of tv with takeaway - special t shirt for sats eve 😂 you have plenty of ick to come

if your ex cheated that’s on him - lowlife - nothing about you

on a serious note it does sound like he has ED with the binging

sound alike you can’t negotiate and discuss either - crucial in relationships - sorry he can’t, not you

Thank you.

sorry I thought ED was standing for Erectile disfunction 🤣 and I was like yeah sadly not

It's not just the weight, it's eating your kids food...so inconsiderate.

Yeah times are hard I just moved homes. My ex got so enraged at me seeing someone he stopped supporting our children financially which has been hard. In the process of CM but he won’t engage it’s actually not been great.

Ah ok - yes eating disorder - might not be but defo disordered eating - whole loaf of bread and you’d have to be really pushed to eats kids treats