Page 6 | Men asking to borrow money

Sodthesystem · 17/12/2025 14:32

Mrsnothingthanks · 17/12/2025 09:18

@Pilateslover Dangerous territory if a man insists and you allow subservience though, especially from the get-go.
I ended up marrying the man who didn't refuse to "allow" me to pay for a round of drinks and our marriage remains wonderfully equal. Well, tbf he does all the cooking but we share literally everything else! 😀

Edited

It's not allowing subservience though.

I think a lot of women have internalised mysoginy whereby it's not that men think she can be bought with dinner that's the problem. It's that SHE feels she 'should' be.

You don't owe anyone anything just because they take you out for lunch.

Also, pers

Blingismything · 17/12/2025 17:12

Good God no

Charel2girl5 · 17/12/2025 18:55

Run like the wind!

momtoboys · 17/12/2025 19:01

This has to be a windup.

LoyalMember · 17/12/2025 19:22

Lostmycats · 14/12/2025 14:11

After a second date?

is there ever a genuine reason for a man to ask to borrow money from you when you’ve only met twice?

God Almighty, no, and you really should know that...

Nightlight8 · 17/12/2025 19:24

Block on every platform. Silence is golden.

mrsmiawallace3 · 17/12/2025 19:25

Lostmycats · 14/12/2025 14:11

After a second date?

is there ever a genuine reason for a man to ask to borrow money from you when you’ve only met twice?

Not after two dates, two weeks, two months, or two years. End of.

PolkaDotPorridge · 17/12/2025 19:38

Never. But then you already know that. They’ll be asking other women too

TwistedWonder · 17/12/2025 19:46

mrsmiawallace3 · 17/12/2025 19:25

Not after two dates, two weeks, two months, or two years. End of.

Show quote history

Absolutely this. Honestly if the OP has paid for 2 dates and given him £40 she’ll never see again, she might as well set fire to her money or give it to a passing stranger.

There is never ever ever a reason for a date to ask for money - end of story

Pilateslover · 17/12/2025 21:31

Mrsnothingthanks · 17/12/2025 09:18

@Pilateslover Dangerous territory if a man insists and you allow subservience though, especially from the get-go.
I ended up marrying the man who didn't refuse to "allow" me to pay for a round of drinks and our marriage remains wonderfully equal. Well, tbf he does all the cooking but we share literally everything else! 😀

Edited

I’m glad that worked out for you. However equally I know many friends who have lovely husbands who did pay the first few dates!

I don’t see it as subservience - sometimes I’m out with female or even male friends or colleagues and I have “insisted” on paying the bill or vice versa. Neither of us have been “subservient” in accepting or feel hard done by in any way lol

I think different things work for different people sometimes. Just like some women would want a fancy engagement ring and some women aren’t fussed about a ring and then others are in between! And some women want to be SAHM and some (like me) don’t.

Pilateslover · 17/12/2025 21:54

Sodthesystem · 17/12/2025 14:32

It's not allowing subservience though.

I think a lot of women have internalised mysoginy whereby it's not that men think she can be bought with dinner that's the problem. It's that SHE feels she 'should' be.

You don't owe anyone anything just because they take you out for lunch.

Also, pers

Show quote history

You don't owe anyone anything just because they take you out for lunch

Yes I’ve never felt obliged to sleep with men who take me out (and never have)for the first date. I’ve usually kept things at a pace I was happy with in relationships.

Actually generally speaking the few who did put a lot of pressure on me and tried to control me in various ways didn’t spend anything on me/ organise proper dates.

Pilateslover · 17/12/2025 22:01

Lostmycats · 15/12/2025 16:13

Thanks all, I definitely will not be trying to get it back, I will not be speaking to or thinking about this man again

Anyway back to the OP - I am glad you have moved on from this.

Just be aware men like that often try and circle back when they need something, so I’d advise you to block if you are likely to be sucked back in.

Mrsnothingthanks · 17/12/2025 22:42

Pilateslover · 17/12/2025 21:31

I’m glad that worked out for you. However equally I know many friends who have lovely husbands who did pay the first few dates!

I don’t see it as subservience - sometimes I’m out with female or even male friends or colleagues and I have “insisted” on paying the bill or vice versa. Neither of us have been “subservient” in accepting or feel hard done by in any way lol

I think different things work for different people sometimes. Just like some women would want a fancy engagement ring and some women aren’t fussed about a ring and then others are in between! And some women want to be SAHM and some (like me) don’t.

Show quote history

It really is fascinating here, @Pilateslover that all of the examples you have given relate to money. It's almost as if you relate a man's worth to the size of his wallet? Tell me about that... would you ever date a man who earned less than you?

Whyyes · 17/12/2025 22:44

Was his name Ben Smith?

Pilateslover · 17/12/2025 23:19

Mrsnothingthanks · 17/12/2025 22:42

It really is fascinating here, @Pilateslover that all of the examples you have given relate to money. It's almost as if you relate a man's worth to the size of his wallet? Tell me about that... would you ever date a man who earned less than you?

Show quote history

I used some money examples because the topic of this thread and the topic of going 50/50 is inherently linked to finances. No big mystery there - my examples are still valid regardless.

I also mentioned in various posts about men’s poor or good treatment of me and how much I valued effort and consideration , so not sure why you’re suggesting I relate a man’s worth to the size of his wallet.

And also a man who pays for a first date is not necessarily richer than the one who doesn’t so preferring a guy who pays doesn’t necessarily mean I’m going after the “richer one”. One of the stingiest men I dated was a 6 figure earner.

I will say too that some women only date men who earn the same or more than them and that’s fine with me. It’s just like MANY men mainly only date women who fall within certain size/complexion/figure standards they have (despite every woman on MN claiming their man just loved their heart). And some women only date men who are a certain height. And so on…

Now, I don’t necessarily subscribe or share all of these preferences but dating doesn’t have to be like an equal opportunities thing. It’s fine to have your preferences and your type and your own set of dealbreakers. Each to their own!

And no I won’t be answering details about whether my partners have earned more than me or not!

At this point I am not sure if this is a good faith debate and to avoid a circular argument on a thread that isn’t mine, I’ll leave it there as I’m just ending up saying the same thing about each to their own and I can’t say it enough.

Mrsnothingthanks · 17/12/2025 23:24

@Pilateslover As I suspected 😀 Yes, no point in debating it any further.

Pilateslover · 17/12/2025 23:26

😀 yep, I’ll leave you to your own imagination then @Mrsnothingthanks

Mrsnothingthanks · 17/12/2025 23:27

@Pilateslover All the best in finding Mr "Right".

Coalday · 17/12/2025 23:33

Only a total loser would ask.
Do the www.freedomprogramme.co.uk OP.
Read "Women who love too much." By Robin Norwood.
Why does he do that? By Lundy Bancroft

The above will help you.
Invest in yourself, not giving £40 to wasters.

Treatssweets · 17/12/2025 23:40

Absolutely not. Tbh this would put me off the whole thing. What an absolute brass neck he has. I would just say no you never lend money as a rule to anyone (never a borrower or lender be type of thing) then say you're not feeling the connection and not see him again.