Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Men asking to borrow money

145 replies

Lostmycats · 14/12/2025 14:11

After a second date?

is there ever a genuine reason for a man to ask to borrow money from you when you’ve only met twice?

OP posts:
MeTooOverHere · 14/12/2025 21:55

Lostmycats · 14/12/2025 14:11

After a second date?

is there ever a genuine reason for a man to ask to borrow money from you when you’ve only met twice?

No

Bananalanacake · 14/12/2025 22:52

Why can't his landlord pay it if he rents his house. I see you've ended it, was wondering if he'd try to move in with you.

99bottlesofkombucha · 14/12/2025 22:58

kittywittyandpretty · 14/12/2025 14:38

Oh for goodness sake give yourself a wobble
I’m going out for lunch with a friend. I expect to go 50-50 if I’m going out on a date and they can’t afford to pay for themselves but ideally me then we do a free date.
If he isn’t the one suggesting free dates that’s a big fuck off red flag

Show quote history

key word: a friend. This is a man she’d gone on two dates with. Not a friend, a near stranger.

lexi873 · 14/12/2025 23:07

Borrowing money and skint halfway through the month. Drug or gambling problem most likely. Lucky escape.

Junenights · 14/12/2025 23:11

Lostmycats · 14/12/2025 14:34

Thanks guys for helping me see sense!
he tried cancelling the next date as apparently he had his daughter but I had a gut feeling he was lying so kicked him to the curb, £40 was a cheap price to pay to see him for what he was.
the love bombing was out of this world.
Obviously I paid on the dates as he was skint half way through the month😱

oh my god please tell us you didn't actually give him the £40???

And you paid on the dates??

Copperoliverbear · 14/12/2025 23:15

No dump him.

TomatoSandwiches · 14/12/2025 23:16

You paid for the dates AND gave him the £40?

Fernsrus · 14/12/2025 23:25

Oh ffs.

OkWinifred · 15/12/2025 01:08

Yep, drugs.

Pilateslover · 15/12/2025 01:10

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 14/12/2025 20:23

Honestly - stop online dating.

Read the freedom programme and go get therapy then revisit.

Predators cam smell women like you coming. Its not safe to keep dating when your boundaries are this bad.

Show quote history

Exactly this.

I mean he didn’t even try to hide who he was if right from the outset you were paying for the dates. His disrespect was loud and clear. You say he was love bombing. How? He didn’t even do the bare minimum of going 50/50. When he saw you were willing to accept such poor treatment was probably when he felt emboldened to ask you for money.

I have only been asked for money once and it was online, I suspect he was a scammer hiding behind a false identity and he did a terrible job of it. We’d only exchanged a handful of messages over a few minutes and already he was asking if I was the “kind of woman to (financially) support her man” because he had issues with his mortgage. I was of course immediately repulsed, told him definitely not and that he should work extra hours instead of wasting time dating if he needs more money, then blocked and reported him on the app.

We can’t always control who we attract but we can control who we entertain. OP I feel you really need to work on your boundaries and self-esteem because it was obvious this guy was out to use you.

Any man who told me he was too skint to pay his half on a first date would be sent packing sharpish. And I can’t even imagine giving a man £40 for any reason other than maybe his card wasn’t working so he needed cash to pay for something, but was going to pay me back as soon as we left the venue and he found a cash machine. Or transfer it to me via PayPal immediately.

ThatAgileMintBiscuit · 15/12/2025 01:17

Lostmycats · 14/12/2025 14:34

Thanks guys for helping me see sense!
he tried cancelling the next date as apparently he had his daughter but I had a gut feeling he was lying so kicked him to the curb, £40 was a cheap price to pay to see him for what he was.
the love bombing was out of this world.
Obviously I paid on the dates as he was skint half way through the month😱

Aww op, don’t worry about it. £40 is nothing in the grand scheme of things at least you’ve learnt now The love bombing too though. Kindly can I suggest you read up around first dates/red flags. Might help to give you some more confidence moving forward.

Original poster
Lostmycats · 15/12/2025 05:27

Thanks all, definitely lessons learnt and yes, I do need to work on my self esteem!

OP posts:
Swash89 · 15/12/2025 06:05

Oh course that’s not normal. Please don’t be so gullible.

Bodypumpmum · 15/12/2025 06:24

Please update us on whether you get the money back or not.

Comedycook · 15/12/2025 08:09

Unless you are absolutely skint I wouldn't try to get the money back.. . being in contact with him will just give him more chances to try to sweet talk you. I'd write the money off and block. Lesson learned

JamesClyman · 15/12/2025 12:12

MissConductUS · 14/12/2025 14:13

The reason is that he's a genuine scammer or con artist who is trying it on with you and has no intention of ever paying you back. So that's a genuine reason.

This x 1000.

TwistedWonder · 15/12/2025 12:15

Bodypumpmum · 15/12/2025 06:24

Please update us on whether you get the money back or not.

Of course she won’t. He’ll have already moved on and tried the same scam with several other women already

TheWibble · 15/12/2025 12:18

No.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 15/12/2025 12:34

IME the only reason that anyone (not just men) would ask to borrow money from someone they barely know is because everyone they do know, like family, friends and colleagues, won't lend them anything. It's automatically suspicious (outside of needing a small amount like change for a parking meter or vending machine). Also once forgetting money or being broke and needing you to pay for their meal is possible, twice is a plan to fleece you.

LadyKenya · 15/12/2025 12:40

Bodypumpmum · 15/12/2025 06:24

Please update us on whether you get the money back or not.

No. The OP should not be even thinking of trying to get her money back, that would involve further contact with this Man. Who on Earth would think that is a wise move?

Luckyingame · 15/12/2025 13:15

😂
Seriously?

avidmumznetuser21 · 15/12/2025 13:22

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Friendlygingercat · 15/12/2025 13:43

Many years ago I went on a first date with a guy who said he had "forgotten how wallet. I asked the waiter for a separate bill, paid it, and left him to make his own arrangements with the management. He called me a bitch.

ForTipsyFinch · 15/12/2025 13:48

Ofc there isn’t. Surely you don’t need to ask this. 🚩

Pilateslover · 15/12/2025 13:59

Friendlygingercat · 15/12/2025 13:43

Many years ago I went on a first date with a guy who said he had "forgotten how wallet. I asked the waiter for a separate bill, paid it, and left him to make his own arrangements with the management. He called me a bitch.

😂😂 well played and what a pathetic snd horrible man!

Hope you didn’t hear from him again after that.