Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Men asking to borrow money

145 replies

Lostmycats · 14/12/2025 14:11

After a second date?

is there ever a genuine reason for a man to ask to borrow money from you when you’ve only met twice?

OP posts:
Equalizer · 14/12/2025 14:29

Absolutely not. And this is just a test to see whether you're a soft target or not.

Original poster
Lostmycats · 14/12/2025 14:29

Climbinghigher · 14/12/2025 14:15

Well a plumber will cost more than that.

Probably needed for coke or weed (ime of men asking for money)

Exactly my thoughts!

OP posts:
smallsilvercloud · 14/12/2025 14:30

When I was 18 I very naively lent a boyfriend £200 and never got it back, I’d never lend ever again not even £40 you wouldn’t see it again.

Beachtastic · 14/12/2025 14:30

Gambling? Drugs? General dipshit arsehole? As PPs have said, his pool of potential (and more obvious) lenders must have dwindled for good reason. I wouldn't hang around to find out why...

Beamur · 14/12/2025 14:31

No.
Don't date him. It's not actually about the money - he's a financial abuser and is obviously so broke he hasn't even bothered to put time in to getting you comfortable. Run.

Original poster
Lostmycats · 14/12/2025 14:34

Thanks guys for helping me see sense!
he tried cancelling the next date as apparently he had his daughter but I had a gut feeling he was lying so kicked him to the curb, £40 was a cheap price to pay to see him for what he was.
the love bombing was out of this world.
Obviously I paid on the dates as he was skint half way through the month😱

OP posts:
LemonLass · 14/12/2025 14:36

Lostmycats · 14/12/2025 14:14

£40 to pay a plumber to fix his boiler apparently and he didn’t have enough……

Show quote history

And that is your problem because...?

Didn't have £40 would be a concern. Asking for money an even bigger concern 😟

Are you a parent? Your loyalty lies with paying your bills (and providing for any dependents). What did you say?

CandyCaneKisses · 14/12/2025 14:37

That deserves an instant blocking, no response necessary.

kittywittyandpretty · 14/12/2025 14:38

Lostmycats · 14/12/2025 14:34

Thanks guys for helping me see sense!
he tried cancelling the next date as apparently he had his daughter but I had a gut feeling he was lying so kicked him to the curb, £40 was a cheap price to pay to see him for what he was.
the love bombing was out of this world.
Obviously I paid on the dates as he was skint half way through the month😱

Oh for goodness sake give yourself a wobble
I’m going out for lunch with a friend. I expect to go 50-50 if I’m going out on a date and they can’t afford to pay for themselves but ideally me then we do a free date.
If he isn’t the one suggesting free dates that’s a big fuck off red flag

CalzoneOnLegs · 14/12/2025 14:38

@Lostmycats riiiiiiiiight okay I’d say he was a chancer then, sorry OP

CandyCaneKisses · 14/12/2025 14:43

Lostmycats · 14/12/2025 14:34

Thanks guys for helping me see sense!
he tried cancelling the next date as apparently he had his daughter but I had a gut feeling he was lying so kicked him to the curb, £40 was a cheap price to pay to see him for what he was.
the love bombing was out of this world.
Obviously I paid on the dates as he was skint half way through the month😱

Why didn’t you drop him when you saw he was a freeloader the first time? A man without a pot to piss in should not be dating.

CaffeinatedSeagull · 14/12/2025 14:43

No. Walk away now and block him.

If he genuinely needs money he should be asking family or friends, that he’s not is a massive red flag.

agreeing to would set a precedent, and he’ll keep asking for more.

TwistedWonder · 14/12/2025 14:44

Lostmycats · 14/12/2025 14:34

Thanks guys for helping me see sense!
he tried cancelling the next date as apparently he had his daughter but I had a gut feeling he was lying so kicked him to the curb, £40 was a cheap price to pay to see him for what he was.
the love bombing was out of this world.
Obviously I paid on the dates as he was skint half way through the month😱

No no no no no OP - never ever ever pay for the first dates. Going 50/50 is absolutely fine but not a single self respect ting decent bloke lets the woman pay for the first date without promising to pay further second - and following through

It’s a massive red flag

TFImBackIn · 14/12/2025 14:45

Are you saying you paid this tenant £40 to give to a plumber?! Why would you do that?

TwistedWonder · 14/12/2025 15:04

Please say you didn’t give him £40 as well as pay for both dates?

Tablesandchairs23 · 14/12/2025 15:21

Oh god put him in the bin.

goingtotown · 14/12/2025 15:28

He’s a scrounger.

LadyKenya · 14/12/2025 15:53

Lostmycats · 14/12/2025 14:34

Thanks guys for helping me see sense!
he tried cancelling the next date as apparently he had his daughter but I had a gut feeling he was lying so kicked him to the curb, £40 was a cheap price to pay to see him for what he was.
the love bombing was out of this world.
Obviously I paid on the dates as he was skint half way through the month😱

Don't feel bad about what is done OP. Just learn from this going forward.

Astra53 · 14/12/2025 16:43

100% no. If he can't pay for his boiler to be fixed then it suggests he either is very short of funds or can't manage his finances. Failing that he is a scammer and this is just the start of many such requests.

ACynicalDad · 14/12/2025 16:45

Run. A. Mile.

(or two)

Ryah76 · 14/12/2025 16:47

You gave him the money?! I had a guy who asked me for £60 - kicked him to kerb so fast! Come on - don’t fall for this

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 14/12/2025 18:36

Lostmycats · 14/12/2025 14:34

Thanks guys for helping me see sense!
he tried cancelling the next date as apparently he had his daughter but I had a gut feeling he was lying so kicked him to the curb, £40 was a cheap price to pay to see him for what he was.
the love bombing was out of this world.
Obviously I paid on the dates as he was skint half way through the month😱

You gave him the money?????

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 14/12/2025 20:23

Lostmycats · 14/12/2025 14:34

Thanks guys for helping me see sense!
he tried cancelling the next date as apparently he had his daughter but I had a gut feeling he was lying so kicked him to the curb, £40 was a cheap price to pay to see him for what he was.
the love bombing was out of this world.
Obviously I paid on the dates as he was skint half way through the month😱

Honestly - stop online dating.

Read the freedom programme and go get therapy then revisit.

Predators cam smell women like you coming. Its not safe to keep dating when your boundaries are this bad.

Pollqueen · 14/12/2025 20:28

Please don't say you handed over £40!

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 14/12/2025 20:54

Jesus's ... no and dont see him again.