My partner is angry because I wont tell him my Bodycount

[northern2025]

He has repeatedly asked me and I haven’t answered him but now he has sat me down and said think carefully exactly what you say and wanted me to talk about my sec life since I was a teen, when I am mid forties now
I have been single for quite a bit of this time and had several short term relationships
he is making me feel anxious and isn’t speaking to me now as thinks I can’t be trusted

He can judge away but you don't have to explain jack shit.

I vote with the others to basically tell him to do one.

OMG I was picturing you both being in your 20’s.

He’s a loon. Whatever good there is about him that has made you tolerate this until now really doesn’t outweigh what he is doing and how he is speaking to you. Sitting you down and telling you to think carefully about what you say is straight out of a TV cop drama. Who the fuck does he think he is?

If the number is what is important to him, he could’ve walked away when you first refused to tell him. I think it is now about bullying you into submission, controlling and humiliating you. If you’d been a virgin when you met him, he would find something else as an excuse to do that to you

Do not allow yourself to be intimidated by this bully. You do not need him in your life…you will survive without him.

As a previous posted said, leave when you feel safe to do so.
I can’t believe the absolute f’ing cheek of him saying “Think carefully”. Who the hell does he think he is?
No woman should accept being put in this position. Please draw a line under this relationship. 🌹

Please do this OP. This is a perfect time to set a new path for yourself going into a new year. I remember dumping a dickhead on NYE and the relief I felt, and he wasn't even half as bad as the abuser you are with.

You need to get rid. He’s not nice, he doesn’t treat you well and it will only get worse.

It's better to be on your own than be with someone who makes you feel shit. Dump him ASAP.

Imagine dumping him and spending Christmas not having to worry about upsetting his fragile ego!

You don’t live with him so you can just get rid of him out of life and you will be so much happier - just one conversation or even a text message and it’s over and you don’t have to concern yourself with any of his shit ever again

He's a nasty fucker @northern2025

You absolutely will have a better life alone than you will with him. Get rid of him, think of it as instant weight-loss both physical and mental.

Nothing you do will be good enough. No number you could give him here would be OK with him, as he will either decide you're a total whore or lying... and thus a total whore.

You cannot win here, he is never ever going to be the nice guy you want. He can't, because he has no interest in being that.

He likes upsetting and hurting you.

Every time he does this shit, gives you the silent treatment, berates you about some normal thing, invents some wrong you have done... remember this.

He's enjoying it. He likes watching you struggle, chase him, twist and turn yourself inside out to please and mollify him.

Get him gone, tell him you're done, fuck off, goodbye.

Oh, bless you, OP. Just lie with some appropriately modest number for the ones you can remember to get him off your back on this particular topic while you work out how to exit the relationship/work on your self esteem

My DH has zero interest in my past, I don’t need to know about every girlfriend or fling. Men who are obsessed with bodycount weaponise it against you. As soon as you have an argument you’ll get called a whore. I hate men like this. Just dump him.

You dont need him in your life. Id rather be alone than tolerate this. In reality what difference does it make if this is a (perceived by him) low number or (perceived by him) high number. He has an agenda here to use the number, whatever it is, against you. He has insecurities. Sitting you down and telling you to think carefully before you answer that question - hard no. I hope you are ok. You will know this deep down, dont stay with someone just because you dont want to be single. Im so glad you have friends looking out for you - lean into that. Reach out to friends from the past. Make new friends. Enjoy doing things solo. Anything but him (or people like him)

Freedom programme OP

You don't live together nor have kids together so just tell him you don't want to see him anymore and block him in everything. Then go on holiday by yourself. Stop wasting your time and energy on this one.

"Body count" is such a derogatory term. I only hear it from men who make Tik Toks saying how much they hate women and "buy my six week training programme on how to run your relationship your way" sorts. Utterly grim.

Now is not the time to unpick it northern that's like staying in a burning house to work out what started the fire...

There is no good outcome from staying with an abuser. Trying to understand things weakens you further until you can't tell day from night.

Once you have distance from him, then you can work out the why.

The number of people you slept with is neither here nor there, focus on wanting to be treated with respect and feeling safe.

Edited to agree bodycount is a nasty term, originally implying murders...

Just lie.

I always say 5 very confidently. If they don’t believe me I don’t care.

It’s an instant red flag for me when they ask. I normally start talking about exs when they ask it or ask the best/wildest sex they've had and tell them mine (wkth a different partner).

Watch their faces drop. 😂Pull the rug from beneath them. If they want to make inappropriate remarks I’ll do the same.

You don't live together and you don't have children with him, so getting rid of him should be easy.

Surely being on your own will be preferable to his harrassment and sulking when he feels 'disrespected' either by you going on a night out or refusing to tell him how many men you have slept with.

He's obviously a follower of the Tate brothers, the rapists and sex trafficers who have an army of disfunctional followers who hate women because these women, quite understandably, wouldn't touch them with a barge pole.

He is a toxic abuser and you will feel like a weight has been lifted once you end the relationship.

Come on op. Put your big girl pants on, take a deep breath and dump this person. He is unpleasant and dragging you down. You can be single again and survive. I’ve been single for 15 years and would never settle for an abusive relationship just to say I’m with someone which is exactly what you are doing. Find your inner strength, have some pride in yourself and move on.

I told a partner my body count (which is very low) and he ramped up the abuse. It went from low level bullying to coercive control and stalking. Never disclose is my advice.

End the relationship op, he doesn't trust you and his behaviour is abusive

You'll be happier alone than with this idiot

You sound so sad and confused. It's clearly him doing this to you and it's getting worse not better. I think you know that you've no choice but to leave if you want to be free of the mental torture. I agree with you that it's not fair or right and there is no winning in this situation. If he reads misogynistic crap it will carry on in other areas; I read your other thread and it sounds like it has.

He has no right to that information
He's trying to bully and control you
I hope you are safe and ok

Agree . What a horrible expression,never heard of it until reading this thread !

You know you need to get him in the bin and run for the hills don’t you?!

It’s not a great question, but seems a strange thing to think about and ask in your forties. And to say he can’t trust you…
Has the relationship been good until this question came up? Does he have a very low ‘bodycount’ or struggle with anxiety?
if no, no or no, I don’t think it’s going to work whatever number you pick.

Seriously, get rid of him. You really need to do this. Why choose to be abused by him when you can leave?