My partner is angry because I wont tell him my Bodycount

[northern2025]

He has repeatedly asked me and I haven’t answered him but now he has sat me down and said think carefully exactly what you say and wanted me to talk about my sec life since I was a teen, when I am mid forties now
I have been single for quite a bit of this time and had several short term relationships
he is making me feel anxious and isn’t speaking to me now as thinks I can’t be trusted

OP, please take care and begin to work toward extracting yourself from this person.

For context, DP and I have been together for nearly 25 years and neither of us have ever asked the other how many people we have slept with, nor 'accounted for' previous sexual experiences or acts with previous lovers. We both know that there have been plenty of men and women before us. Nothing is a secret, but neither is any of it of any interest. We both know, and know of, some of eachother's exes, and are on friendly terms.

That man pressurising you, and sulking and giving you the silent treatment is treating you terribly and you deserve so much better.

The problem is his. It's OP's past and experiences and she doesn't want to share it. He doesn't have any 'rights' over her past. His actions - sat me down and said 'think carefully about what you say ' is borderline threatening behaviour. Him asking a woman in her 40s about her sex life as a teenager is creepy and distributing. Not talking to be wise of it is controlling.

Please leave - you can do better.

Good God.

You don't live together. End it today.

Please, OP. This is all absolutely awful.

I'd be thinking carefully and then getting rid. Unless you "saved yourself" for him, any figure will be justification for your devaluing. Nope.

Ok so he's a dick and your gut is screaming at you that he is not a safe person.

This guy isn't even your friend. Let alone boyfriend material. He hates women fyi. That includes you.

Tell him to take a long walk off a short pier.

Abusive boyfriends are not better than being single.

And I've just seen your update about mysoginistic content. Yup, called it

Op he is a predator.
And you are the one he is hunting, to destroy.

Run. Fast and far.

If he can't trust you there is literally no point in continuing a relationship. But, this isn't your fault. He's not accepting the person in front of him. He can get to fuck. You've got nothing to conceal, but no reason to quantify something with no bearing on who you are. Here and now. This guy has huge issues that you've no responsibility for. He'll be happier with a sex bot straight off the factory line, as real humans, with history, layers, complexity are something he is not into.

Leave. No decent man would be watching this shit and passively aggressively sending it on. Out of interest has he said his true number?
Not that it matters, just wondering if he has dounle standards between men and women. No answer you give will be good enough, he will use whatever you say as something to beat you down with. He sounds like he is a jealous controlling type. There is no good that can come out of this relationship

This x one million!

FFS, you are doing this to yourself. Just block and move on. He is useless loser scum.

Get out, run as fast as you can. You don't need this in your life. You can't be that desperate to want to be with this man? Value yourself more for gods sake.

How can you trust him not to completely fuck you over out of the blue when he is this controlling. Massive fucking red flag.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5362655-my-boyfriend-isnt-talking-to-me-after-a-night-out?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

this is also him

I remember that thread.

He's a controlling, irrational dickhead and the condition is incurable.

Is it all that different? It's legal to buy sex so it's only your personal feelings on the matter that make you want to know your partner's history. Some people also want to know how discerning their partners are in who they sleep with and whether it's a meaningful interaction to them.

I think it's a case of either being completely honest or accepting that anything within the realms of legality is fair game and a matter of individual discretion.

This response to "You’d rather be abused than alone?" is one of the most upsetting things I've heard.

Your boyfriend demanding a body count is gross misconduct - deserves instant dismissal, no further review. Complaining and sulking for weeks afterwards is ugly, controlling and downright stupid. The guy's a twat.

Fire him. Tell your friends, they'll help you celebrate! Do the Freedom Programme and, if you can afford a therapist, do some of that as well.

https://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/online.php

If you truly feel you can't bear to live alone, get a cat while you learn to love your own company and to value the human you are.

Just so you know op, it's not true that he doesn't trust you. Abusers want you stuck on a merry go round of proving yourself. 'Prove your love/loyalty/chastity/honesty/goodness' etc... and this is just one of that.

There was a psychotherapist (Lundy bankroft) who studied abusers for years and asked them if they actually believe their partners are whatever it is they are accusing them off. Most of them replied that no, they didn't. The partners just had to believe they did. So what they would be stuck looking inwards trying to find the right way to convince their abuser of the truth. Instead of looking at the abusers and realising what monsters they were.

It's a trick. He doesn't think you are a slag. He doesn't think you are untrustworthy. He just needs you to believe he thinks that. So that he can use it to control you.

And if it wasn't this, it would be some other thing. How you looked at another man 'the wrong way', how you dress, how you don't give him enough attention...whatever works to make you feel like maybe you are doing something wrong and to get you stuck on the merry to round l. There is no way off that merry tlgonround because he WANTS you on it.

So take your power back, and step off.

I had this controlling and obsessive behaviour about my past and how many men I had slept with. It will get much worse, believe me, he will not stop. Get rid of him and fast. This will not end well. My biggest mistake was staying, even after he hit me at 9 months pregnant, because I refused to disclose numbers. Leave.

It’s fine for him to ask, it’s fine if you answered and he didn’t like the answer and ended the relationship. It’s also fine for you to refuse to discuss it. If you don’t want to discuss it and he’s treating you badly because of that, then he’s not the one for you. Just end the relationship. It sounds like if you did answer, he’d be jealous so it’s never going to work.

LP Hartley “The past is a foreign country, they do things differently there”.

He is demonstrating extreme jealousy and controlling behaviour and it is likely to get worse.

Someone asked me this once. I just told him l didn’t keep a visitor’s book in my knicker drawer.

Body count i hate this term. The first time I heard it was my niece who is in her 20s who explained. I would want to know someone had practised sex if I was having unprotected sex with them. How can he not trust u? You haven't lied, u haven't said anything.
The way he has addressed you is the way I would imagine an adult dealing with a naughty child! Do not engage. It will be held against you. It will be something else next. I would seriously be reconsidering the relationship.

If you’re not comfortable telling him then don’t!
when I was on the dating scene I remember one guy had the audacity to ask me in the first phone conversation and said that he needed to know because it tells a lot about a person. Eff off!

I would not be in a relationship with this person.

Well, what's changed since June? You had the same advice then. He's not a nice person at all.

Exactly the ' think carefully'bit sounds threatening and what if he didn't like the answer?
Get rid you're past has got the sum of fuck all to do with him.
As for wanting intimate details from when you became sexually active and onwards tells me he's a psycho .

I take it this has been asked before?
Now that you mention it ,it's all rather familiar.

Northern, you are with an abusive partner. Thank goodness you don't live with him.

Things will never get better, he is a nasty, controlling prick. The nature of the relationship makes it difficult to leave, because he had you so ground down.

But somehow, you need to find the courage to do so as this guy is wasting your precious life.

Did you manage to speak to women's aid after the last thread?

How did your conversation with your two friends go? Please reach out to them, it sounds like they care about you.