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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My partner is angry because I wont tell him my Bodycount

503 replies

northern2025 · 12/12/2025 21:57

He has repeatedly asked me and I haven’t answered him but now he has sat me down and said think carefully exactly what you say and wanted me to talk about my sec life since I was a teen, when I am mid forties now
I have been single for quite a bit of this time and had several short term relationships
he is making me feel anxious and isn’t speaking to me now as thinks I can’t be trusted

OP posts:
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8
Newsenmum · 13/12/2025 07:34

This is extremely weird and possessive.

Newsenmum · 13/12/2025 07:34

northern2025 · 12/12/2025 22:05

Because he will judge me and I will have to explain each and every one

Even worse. He’s not right for you.

thecatdidit · 13/12/2025 07:35

Bloody hell I've never heard of body count.. I thought at first you were talking about BMI.
What a horrible expression
You seem sad and lost to me @northern2025 and I want to reach out and give you some comfort.
Please can you seek support from your friends in ending this terrible relationship.
I honestly hope you can find inner strength to get away from this abusive person. You will feel better.

Brendahollowayjustlookwhatyouhavedone · 13/12/2025 07:37

Newsenmum · 13/12/2025 07:34

Even worse. He’s not right for you.

Show quote history

He's not right for anyone👍
He sounds like a maniac.

ToffeeForEveryone · 13/12/2025 07:38

You have your own home and no kids together. Get rid of him from your life and reclaim your peace. He's not nice, he doesn't treat you well. Tell him to leave you alone. He's earned it by his behaviour.

You seem to be worried about being alone, but there is no place in your life for someone better whilst he is taking up that space.

Toomuch2019 · 13/12/2025 07:42

Throw this one back OP. I don’t think this is ever going to get any better

Dery · 13/12/2025 07:43

Agree with PP - you say he’s dragged you down. You’re right - you’re with an abuser who, deep down, resents and dislikes women. You’re not tied to him in any practical way, though, OP so you can easily release yourself from his grasp and float back up. It’s time to do that.

Don’t do it when you’re alone with him. Abusers become particularly dangerous when they’re losing control. It’s completely fine for you to end this by text when you’re away from him. Don’t give him reasons. Just say this isn’t working out for you and you think you’re better off single at the moment. If you give reasons, you give him something to debate. He may try love-bombing you and/or he may threaten to harm himself. Ignore this. It’s part of his abusive emotional manipulation. You can always ask the police to do a welfare check if he does threaten to harm himself.

Bendattheknees · 13/12/2025 07:43

northern2025 · 13/12/2025 02:34

You had good advice on that thread OP. And this one too.

You have some work to do on your self esteem to unpick why six months later, you're in a relationship that is not working for you x

DurinsBane · 13/12/2025 07:46

StarlightLady · 13/12/2025 05:00

LP Hartley “The past is a foreign country, they do things differently there”.

He is demonstrating extreme jealousy and controlling behaviour and it is likely to get worse.

Someone asked me this once. I just told him l didn’t keep a visitor’s book in my knicker drawer.

Isn’t he the fly fishing guy?

BoxesBoxesEverywhere · 13/12/2025 07:55

Pixilicious1 · 12/12/2025 22:03

Get rid of him. ‘Think carefully’?? Who the fuck dies he think he is??

This.
Tell him to get stuffed. (Assuming it's not dangerous to do so!)
Run. Far away.

AcademyFootball · 13/12/2025 07:56

northern2025 · 12/12/2025 22:20

Because I feel worn down and anxious about being on my own I guess
my parents are dead and I don’t have kids but this week a couple of friends have sat me down and asked me why I am with him

Show quote history

You have good friends.

If you are at the point where friends are staging an intervention to get you out of the relationship it really really is time to end it.

Your soon to be ex is a monster, and you should get rid of him. It is obvious that what he brings to your life is a negative.

Epidote · 13/12/2025 07:57

He is an insecure person and he wants to make you feel bad for it, instead of gain assertivity and self steems. Dump.
His choice is bei g a dickhead your is not to stay with someone like him.

CaptainMyCaptain · 13/12/2025 08:00

northern2025 · 12/12/2025 22:05

Because he will judge me and I will have to explain each and every one

You shouldn't have to explain anything to him. Tell him to get lost.

WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing · 13/12/2025 08:01

Oh @northern2025 I remember your old post 😢

please please tell this cretin you are done with the relationship. Change your locks first and make sure the dog ownership is nailed down.

but get rid of him - he is seriously bad news. It’s a blessing he hasn’t moved in with you xx

Appleseason · 13/12/2025 08:04

Please please please don’t let this be a ‘reader I married him’
You are worn down and anxious because of him. Without him you can build yourself back up again.

Thepossibility · 13/12/2025 08:12

He's waving a red fucking king size sheet, this guy. He wants to know because he wants to know how much you need to be punished by his insecurity demon. Even if you tell him the number then he will need details. Every answer is the wrong answer FYI.

Rhubarb24 · 13/12/2025 08:13

Leave him and then unpack why you'd rather be abused than be on your own.

It's either that or stay with him and suck it up.

He's not going to change, all you can change is whether you decide to tolerate his shit or not. He's doing it because you're allowing him to.

It would be far easier to unpack why you tolerate his behaviour with distance from him and his shit. You can't do it with him around, you've proved that.

FlamingoQueen · 13/12/2025 08:17

I remember your previous thread. It sounds like he finds a reason each time to then pick you apart and make you feel worthless. Last time it was going out for the night, this time it’s because you won’t tell him a number. I’m fairly confident in saying there must be many more in between.
Please make this the last time he has a go at you - this will continue for the rest of your life!

MissRaspberry · 13/12/2025 08:17

He's a controlling tosser. He can't simply demand you tell him something so personal. Whoever you slept with BEFORE him isn't any of his business. Don't tell him a thing. Seems whatever you tell him will be somehow used against you in an argument. He says he doesn't love you as he doesn't trust you just because you won't answer his ridiculous question. Tell him fine it's over considering there's no love and no trust from him. How long have you been with this dickhead? He sounds dangerously concerning

Sassylovesbooks · 13/12/2025 08:31

I'm 51, my husband knows about serious previous relationships I have had, but he doesn't know how many people I've had sex with since I became sexually active!! Why would any man need to know that information?! It's irrelevant who you've had sex with prior to your current relationship. As for sitting you down, and speaking to you like a naughty child, to essentially demand you tell him....that would enrage me!! He has no right to demand the information. He has no right to know the information. Others are absolutely right, whatever you say will be judged, and used against you. I'd be kicking him to the curb.

Skyflyinghigh · 13/12/2025 08:32

This is exactly how the worst relationship of my life started and it nearly killed me. Get away from this man now before he controls every aspect of your life and turns you into a nervous wreck.

Trendyname · 13/12/2025 08:34

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Goatinthegarden · 13/12/2025 08:35

SillyJilly2020 · 12/12/2025 22:02

I dnt see the problem. My husband knows everything about my past and I know woth him. Even things that made him uncomfortable. I wld find it strange if he wasnt willing to tell me

I don’t want to know about my husband’s past sexual experiences. I had zero desire to go through any of mine with him. He did try to tell me and ask about mine, but I told him I didn’t want to share or know and he accepted. We did briefly discuss main relationships we’d had, how long they lasted and why/how they ended. Now we’ve been together 15 years, it all seems quite insignificant anyway.
He treats me, and everyone else around us, with respect. That’s all I need to know.

Original poster
northern2025 · 13/12/2025 08:37

This reply has been deleted

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is there a reason you are so unpleasant ? Perfection punctuation was not top of the agenda when I was posting last night.
What do you get out of being unkind ?

OP posts:
MissRaspberry · 13/12/2025 08:38

This reply has been deleted

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She's looking for advice on her nasty controlling boyfriend. She didn't post to have you pick at her punctuation and grammatical errors. Don't be a twat