Page 15 | My partner is angry because I wont tell him my Bodycount

AngelicKaty · 13/12/2025 12:12

shhhh2025 · 13/12/2025 11:51

I must admit your post stands out as rather insufferable and nasty, it’s wonderful that you had such a lovely experience growing up and now have a lovely life. Leaving abusive relationships is very difficult for some people, I am sorry that you don’t seem to understand this but instead choose to kick the Op when they are down and make them feel bad about not taking advice. Perhaps try and be less smug in future ?

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It wasn't meant to be insufferable, nasty or smug, but I can't help how you read it. After so many threads and the endless excellent advice given to OP (and the hours of time and effort that advice represents) it was meant to be honest. There is literally nothing any of us can write any more that will help OP - even her own friends IRL, who clearly care about her, can't persuade her to dump his sorry arse, so what is the point in us trying any longer? (If you'd bothered reading any of my previous comments on OP's threads you would see I have been totally supportive.)
And my comment about my upbringing was to show how crucial self-esteem is - how it can make or break a person and shape their future attitudes to relationships. Parents can influence their DC's futures hugely by imbuing them with high self-esteem and I have no idea why you would be so vexed by that proposition, but if you want to be unnecessarily snarky about it there's not much more I can say to you.

HelloDenise · 13/12/2025 12:14

AngelicKaty · 13/12/2025 12:12

It wasn't meant to be insufferable, nasty or smug, but I can't help how you read it. After so many threads and the endless excellent advice given to OP (and the hours of time and effort that advice represents) it was meant to be honest. There is literally nothing any of us can write any more that will help OP - even her own friends IRL, who clearly care about her, can't persuade her to dump his sorry arse, so what is the point in us trying any longer? (If you'd bothered reading any of my previous comments on OP's threads you would see I have been totally supportive.)
And my comment about my upbringing was to show how crucial self-esteem is - how it can make or break a person and shape their future attitudes to relationships. Parents can influence their DC's futures hugely by imbuing them with high self-esteem and I have no idea why you would be so vexed by that proposition, but if you want to be unnecessarily snarky about it there's not much more I can say to you.

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@AngelicKaty I thought your posts are excellent Katy.

AngelicKaty · 13/12/2025 12:18

Comtesse · 13/12/2025 12:09

It’s none of his business. If he asks again it’s LTB territory.

He's been asking her for weeks - the "sit down and think very carefully" is just the latest episode - it's already well into LTB territory.

AngelicKaty · 13/12/2025 12:20

HelloDenise · 13/12/2025 12:14

@AngelicKaty I thought your posts are excellent Katy.

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Thank you Denise, that's very kind of you. 🤗

Neeroy · 13/12/2025 12:26

AngelicKaty · 13/12/2025 11:37

It's absolutely true that it can take decades for victims to leave their abusers, and fear plays a huge part in keeping them in the relationship, but OP isn't even living with this arsehole. She has no physical or financial ties to this misogynistic prick - she could literally message him to end it, block him and change her locks and it would be "done". Her self-esteem is on the floor now - it can't fall any lower - so what will make her end it? So you're right - certainly not any of us advising her to. There have been so many words of superb, practical advice written on OP's threads - all those hours of effort from women trying to support a stranger to do the right thing for herself - all for nought because she's still with him. The only person who can help OP now is OP - the shape of her future is entirely of her own making. I hope she makes the right choice but right now, sadly, I doubt it. 😔

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I agree that nothing any of us say can make OP do what we think is the right thing until she believes it's the right thing. But we can be compassionate whilst she processes the ending of the relationship. You don't have to live with someone or be financially attached to struggle to leave them. It really isn't that simple. But what is simple is when there is nothing you can do to make him be nice to you the only thing you can do is end the relationship. Until she stops trying to make it better, until she realises she is powerless to make it better, she will have that faint hope that things will get better.

Horrorscope · 13/12/2025 12:27

shhhh2025 · 13/12/2025 11:51

I must admit your post stands out as rather insufferable and nasty, it’s wonderful that you had such a lovely experience growing up and now have a lovely life. Leaving abusive relationships is very difficult for some people, I am sorry that you don’t seem to understand this but instead choose to kick the Op when they are down and make them feel bad about not taking advice. Perhaps try and be less smug in future ?

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I disagree entirely. @AngelicKaty has given an accurate assessment of the on-going situation (and the OP might need some stark words by now to help her get out of this), and great advice regarding engendering self-esteem in our children.

Bambibam · 13/12/2025 12:28

I’ve been with my partner almost 16 years and we’ve never had a ‘body count’ conversation. It does not need to be discussed, nothing good can come from it. Hold firm don’t give in to him!

curliegirlie · 13/12/2025 12:31

northern2025 · 12/12/2025 22:07

But would you judge sulk and call someone a slag? Because that is why I haven’t told him because he is not rational about it

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If that’s how he’s behaving - or you know he would behave in response to any answer - please end it. I don’t get what you’re getting out of it.

AngelicKaty · 13/12/2025 12:32

Neeroy · 13/12/2025 12:26

I agree that nothing any of us say can make OP do what we think is the right thing until she believes it's the right thing. But we can be compassionate whilst she processes the ending of the relationship. You don't have to live with someone or be financially attached to struggle to leave them. It really isn't that simple. But what is simple is when there is nothing you can do to make him be nice to you the only thing you can do is end the relationship. Until she stops trying to make it better, until she realises she is powerless to make it better, she will have that faint hope that things will get better.

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I have been compassionate but, sadly, OP is not ending this relationship.
ETA: And the thing I find desperately sad about OP's situation is that if she goes on to waste another five years of her life with this abusive POS, that will be another five years of her missing the many opportunities to meet a wonderful man who will treat her with the love, respect and care that she deserves. She's only in her forties - it's time to move on, find some peace with herself, and then find one of the good guys.

blacksax · 13/12/2025 12:35

"Get the fuck away from this dude"

@Hairgician has hit the nail squarely on the head with this comment.

In a nutshell, that is it. There is literally no point in saying anything else.

BuckChuckets · 13/12/2025 12:46

The fact he's even asking is a huge red flag. Please end the relationship!

HelloDenise · 13/12/2025 12:46

AngelicKaty · 13/12/2025 12:32

I have been compassionate but, sadly, OP is not ending this relationship.
ETA: And the thing I find desperately sad about OP's situation is that if she goes on to waste another five years of her life with this abusive POS, that will be another five years of her missing the many opportunities to meet a wonderful man who will treat her with the love, respect and care that she deserves. She's only in her forties - it's time to move on, find some peace with herself, and then find one of the good guys.

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@northern2025 Please take this on board.

ThatNattyBear · 13/12/2025 12:49

I have name changed for this, but my number is over 50. And I got married when I was 23. If I was to ever divorce and remarry, it’s highly unlikely I would disclose this. I was abused and neglected in childhood, and was absolutely desperate for someone to love me, or even like me. Throwing myself at men was the only way I felt noticed. It made me feel better, but also disgusting in equal measure. I drank so much alcohol to numb all of the pain. Why should I need to tell a new partner this. I have worked hard on myself and tried to heal my wounds as best I can. No one has the right to know this. Stand your ground!

usedtobeaylis · 13/12/2025 12:52

I don't even know what my 'number' is any more, somewhere along the line I've forgot, and I really can't think of anything more tedious than going back and trying to remember. The number is so, so irrelevant and much less important than things like pp's history of abuse or society's various pressures around what kind of woman a woman is if she says no and if she says yes.

User452023 · 13/12/2025 12:56

Omg.. Get rid.. This one is not for you...

Squirrelchops1 · 13/12/2025 12:59

tell him it's taking you a while to remember them all ....I honestly couldn't remember now!
tell him to fuck the fuck off....all the way off
block him ....totally

ReleaseTheDucksOfWar · 13/12/2025 13:04

northern2025 · 12/12/2025 21:57

He has repeatedly asked me and I haven’t answered him but now he has sat me down and said think carefully exactly what you say and wanted me to talk about my sec life since I was a teen, when I am mid forties now
I have been single for quite a bit of this time and had several short term relationships
he is making me feel anxious and isn’t speaking to me now as thinks I can’t be trusted

Dump him.

Seriously.

This is a man with gigantic issues. Control issues, trust issues. He can't make you happy.

Remember your happiness matters too.

User452023 · 13/12/2025 13:07

northern2025 · 12/12/2025 22:05

Because he will judge me and I will have to explain each and every one

No, no no,.... You don't owe anybody an explanation about who you've been with... Your self esteem is low right now because you are still giving this guy the time of day. You might like him alot but he cannot be a good person to question you like this. His behaviour is wrong but I'm sure he will twist it and convince you that he is right. Read the comments. He is not the one for you or any woman.

Bananalanacake · 13/12/2025 13:16

Thank god he doesn't live with you

Periandtired · 13/12/2025 13:19

northern2025 · 12/12/2025 22:05

its been going on for weeks he says he can’t ever trust me as I have never told him the truth

His use of the term "body count" is v worrying tbh because it's a term usually only used by incels. Also the think carefully bit sounds v threatening to me. I'm scared for you and hope you haven't known him long, so you can leave easily. If you've been together for a longer time, how long has this been happening? Has his behaviour changed? How easy would it be to end the relationship? Do you have kids etc?

Owly11 · 13/12/2025 13:21

I also would be suspicious of a partner who didn't want to talk about their past relationships and it would be a red flag for me.

User452023 · 13/12/2025 13:25

Init.. They just twist up men's brains with mysoginistic nonsense.. All that talk about simps and other crap.. These guys are sad and do not even know how to relate to women. They are very immature. Some even 'dislike' women. OP I don't know why you are even entertaining a man that asks you these type of questions. It's v disrespectful because you have already told him you don't want to share that information and you don't have to, but he keeps asking. If he doesn't trust you it says alot about him that he still with you. I really hope you end this relationship. 🙏

BezMills · 13/12/2025 13:29

I'm a man and I would never dream of acting like that. I'd be happy to talk in generalities if asked, but if a new partner didn't want to talk about her past, I'd respect that.

This Andrew Tate manosphere stuff is really depressing. Red pill? Red flag more like.

I agree with PP who said ditch and block.

thepariscrimefiles · 13/12/2025 13:30

Owly11 · 13/12/2025 13:21

I also would be suspicious of a partner who didn't want to talk about their past relationships and it would be a red flag for me.

I would imagine that no answer would satisfy OP's abusive partner. If she gives him a low number he will accuse her of lying and if she gives him a high number, he will call her a slag again.

He is a walking red flag and OP needs to bin him asap. He's a fan of the misogynist racist and sex trafficker Andrew Tate so he's hardly good partner material. He needs to get to fuck.

BeautifulSongsofLove · 13/12/2025 13:33

northern2025 · 13/12/2025 08:47

Thank you to everyone who has posted on this and the last post. I don’t know why I didn’t get out before but I feel differently now, because he has become so irrational, and unpleasant.
I have no intention to speak to him, which is very unlike how I have been in the past
I am working this weekend anyway and I have plans for the rest of the week
I think that’s why he has become even worse is because I am going out more than I used to
I have told my sister about him and my friends
I can’t keep on like this, I am going to have a peaceful day and take the dog to the beach I think after work

YADNBU, you are worth so much more

Congratulations & stay strong@northern2025 💐