My partner is angry because I wont tell him my Bodycount

[northern2025]

He has repeatedly asked me and I haven’t answered him but now he has sat me down and said think carefully exactly what you say and wanted me to talk about my sec life since I was a teen, when I am mid forties now
I have been single for quite a bit of this time and had several short term relationships
he is making me feel anxious and isn’t speaking to me now as thinks I can’t be trusted

Sack him off . Idiot podcast bro. There will be heaps more mysogony to come.

Oh my goodness sweetheart.... You need to get out of this relationship too...

Listen to your friends. I was married to a man like this - not for long. You must leave him.

Oh yes, I remember this thread. So, it's coming up to five years now with this controlling arsehole and you haven't changed a thing OP, even though your own posts show that you have an intelligence and absolute awareness of who/what he is and what he's doing to you. Sadly, I don't think there's anything anyone on MN can say to you to bring you to your senses - you've had some superb practical advice on your threads to free yourself of this abusive POS yet you ignore it all. I think this comment of yours from this other thread says it all: "No he got a dog and then didn’t like her, so I let her stay with me". He doesn't even like females dogs FFS! 🙄
To all parents on here, good self-esteem starts very young in life and it is one of the most precious gifts you can endow on your children. Tell your DC from a very early age how valuable they are and how they must always know and value their own worth - keep repeating this message at every appropriate opportunity. My DF did this with me and my sisters and I have never allowed a man to treat me this way. The very first whiff of disrespectful behaviour from a man would have me draw myself up to my full height (all 5' 4" of me 😂) and with one arched eyebrow ask "Just who do you think you're talking to?" Honestly, if we don't respect ourselves, why do we think any man will?

He sounds vile , gross, crude , immature , jealous and just disgusting. Get rid immediately

"think carefully exactly what you say" sounds threatening to me.
Thankfully you don't live with him.
End the relationship and start afresh in the New Year.
Find someone who does not obsess about your past life.
Men who do are insecure and could be dangerous.

Stop right there!

Why do you have to explain each and every one? Show him the door and tell him to fuck off and dont come back.

I hope you're going to dump this jerk too.

Show. Him. The. Door. Now. He obviously feels he has 'rights' over you, your behaviour and history. He does not. Get rid. He will end up trying to control you completely and using info to make you feel bad.

People who have become utterly browbeaten and trauma-bonded to their abusers find it extremely difficult to take that step. For a long time they still believe that they are the problem. They feel trapped and it takes a VERY long time for them to finally be able to end the relationship. Very often they are too scared to end it, for fear of what their abuser might do.

So it really isn't helpful to have a go at the OP for not having taken previous advice.

It's absolutely true that it can take decades for victims to leave their abusers, and fear plays a huge part in keeping them in the relationship, but OP isn't even living with this arsehole. She has no physical or financial ties to this misogynistic prick - she could literally message him to end it, block him and change her locks and it would be "done". Her self-esteem is on the floor now - it can't fall any lower - so what will make her end it? So you're right - certainly not any of us advising her to. There have been so many words of superb, practical advice written on OP's threads - all those hours of effort from women trying to support a stranger to do the right thing for herself - all for nought because she's still with him. The only person who can help OP now is OP - the shape of her future is entirely of her own making. I hope she makes the right choice but right now, sadly, I doubt it. 😔

Tell him you feel this is something you don’t want to share he’s not entitled to every piece of information from your past and you would like to focus on the future if this is not possible, for him to respect your wishes your worried you won’t have a future.

I know! Piss off mate. Cheek of it. He’s a controlling bully.

I would end this relationship. Yes, it is difficult to be alone, but equally think of the opportunities and possible friendships you could make. It is not normal to obsess or even use the phrase "body count" (sounds like dead bodies not people you've been intimate with, potentially loved? Weird phrase). I think I've shared mine with my partner but in a way which was normal and comfortable, with no weird reaction or comment. Equally, had I not done so, he would have totally respected that. No good will come out of either staying silent or telling them, because he is weirdly obsessed so you'll never hear the end of it. Just count yourself lucky you don't live with him, so at least it's easy to unpick.

Just read all your posts. This one is not a keeper he wants this information for something to use against you to bully and belittle you with you will be happier without him.

When you say ‘partner’ - what does that mean?

Give yourself the best Chrismas present you possibly could and rid yourself of this despicable man once and for all. 🌲

If he has a key to your place, change the locks. Then tell him it is over and block him everywhere. If any of his belongings are still at yours, parcel them up and post them to him by courier, or take them to another address where he can collect them from.

One squeak out of place from him, call the police.

Because that is what this place is often used for. It's that simple

Why did you feel the need to try to shut her down?

I must admit your post stands out as rather insufferable and nasty, it’s wonderful that you had such a lovely experience growing up and now have a lovely life. Leaving abusive relationships is very difficult for some people, I am sorry that you don’t seem to understand this but instead choose to kick the Op when they are down and make them feel bad about not taking advice. Perhaps try and be less smug in future ?

Oh love, just read your other thread. Please get rid of him and live your best life with your dog. You don’t deserve this

This is controlling and abusive OP.
Dump this weirdo.

Your partners before him don’t affect him in any way now and simply aren’t his business. If you want to voluntarily share details then fine, but they way he’s approaching this is 1) an interrogation; 2) judgemental; 3) insulting (calling you a slag; 4) controlling and possessive; 5) entitled (he thinks he can demand this info by right).

The sulking is bad enough, but there’s a lot of misogyny tied up in the ideas he’s been getting from links about women’s worth to a man correlating with their number of partners. He may be older but he’s extremely immature. He’s never going to stop until he gets a number and has grilled you on every detail - even then, he’ll be likely to use it as a stick to beat you with. The issue is that he needs to address his own behaviour and his desire to have a degree of control over your sexual past. He won’t and you don’t owe it to him to try to pacify and reassure him / apologetically reveal and explain.

Don't need to read anymore to know this relationship is abusive. It will get worse. He won't give up and when you eventually give up and tell him, he will use it to abuse you further. Why are you putting up with it. Leave. It will be a miserable life with him.

Please leave him, you're a woman in her mid 40s, it's none of his business, sounds like.he needs to date Snow White.

It’s none of his business. If he asks again it’s LTB territory.