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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My partner is angry because I wont tell him my Bodycount

503 replies

northern2025 · 12/12/2025 21:57

He has repeatedly asked me and I haven’t answered him but now he has sat me down and said think carefully exactly what you say and wanted me to talk about my sec life since I was a teen, when I am mid forties now
I have been single for quite a bit of this time and had several short term relationships
he is making me feel anxious and isn’t speaking to me now as thinks I can’t be trusted

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
Soontobe60 · 13/12/2025 08:38

northern2025 · 12/12/2025 21:57

He has repeatedly asked me and I haven’t answered him but now he has sat me down and said think carefully exactly what you say and wanted me to talk about my sec life since I was a teen, when I am mid forties now
I have been single for quite a bit of this time and had several short term relationships
he is making me feel anxious and isn’t speaking to me now as thinks I can’t be trusted

Really, dump him! He’s a control freak.

Goatinthegarden · 13/12/2025 08:41

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Didn’t you learn not to be so rude?

Some people didn’t have a great education, for a myriad of reasons. Some people have difficulties with literacy skills. Some people may just find it hard to type on the device they are using. Some people just don’t care.

The OP is communicating in a fairly clear manner.

Climbingrosexx · 13/12/2025 08:42

northern2025 · 12/12/2025 21:57

He has repeatedly asked me and I haven’t answered him but now he has sat me down and said think carefully exactly what you say and wanted me to talk about my sec life since I was a teen, when I am mid forties now
I have been single for quite a bit of this time and had several short term relationships
he is making me feel anxious and isn’t speaking to me now as thinks I can’t be trusted

He sat you down and told you to think carefully about what you say? Massive red flag! If I tried to tell my dh all about my past he would ask me why I am telling him. He is very much the past is the past. This sounds obsessive and controlling

Original poster
northern2025 · 13/12/2025 08:42

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Also I think it should be is there a reason why you do not use Punctuation marks ? There is reason why they exist.
Or is there a reason you did punctuation in school? There is a reason why it exists ?

OP posts:
Original poster
northern2025 · 13/12/2025 08:43

Goatinthegarden · 13/12/2025 08:41

Didn’t you learn not to be so rude?

Some people didn’t have a great education, for a myriad of reasons. Some people have difficulties with literacy skills. Some people may just find it hard to type on the device they are using. Some people just don’t care.

The OP is communicating in a fairly clear manner.

Show quote history

maybe my mother has risen from the dead to pop on and correct my punctuation

OP posts:
maras2 · 13/12/2025 08:43

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Don't be so rude! 😡

Onlyhereforthebatshitneighbours · 13/12/2025 08:43

I know I have gone back before but people have made me see that he is never going to change, and that he doesn’t see anything wrong

@northern2025 this is what you said on 30th June...6 months on, why are you still with him love?

You clearly have a full life without him, holidays with your friends and dog, a good career, your own place. All you get from this relationship is misery and eroded self esteem.

I beg you, cut the dead wood out of your life and start the new year single, free, and independent. Just imagine what you could be making space in your life for when you do!

curious79 · 13/12/2025 08:44

My husband and I have never talked about our past partners and exploits. You don’t with somebody love.

As others have said, this man clearly has one acceptable number, and that is zero.

He’s going down and Andrew Tate, American incel inspired rabbit hole, and I would get the hell out of there. But personally, I wouldn’t have even stayed after the first conversation. So you need to dig deep and ask why you lack the self-esteem to not move on from what is obviously a toxic situation.

TwistedWonder · 13/12/2025 08:44

Ponderingwindow · 13/12/2025 00:11

I’m of the AIDS is a death sentence and you are sleeping with every person your sex partner has ever slept with generation. Sharing your list was perfectly normal. It’s hard to adjust to the idea that people think this is privileged information.

However, he isn’t treating you with respect and that is a very big problem. If this isn’t information you want to share, he can simply take that under advisement as he makes decisions about his own body and his own health.

I’m the same generation and it’s never been perfectly normal for a man to demand a list of previous partners.

Original poster
northern2025 · 13/12/2025 08:47

Thank you to everyone who has posted on this and the last post. I don’t know why I didn’t get out before but I feel differently now, because he has become so irrational, and unpleasant.
I have no intention to speak to him, which is very unlike how I have been in the past
I am working this weekend anyway and I have plans for the rest of the week
I think that’s why he has become even worse is because I am going out more than I used to
I have told my sister about him and my friends
I can’t keep on like this, I am going to have a peaceful day and take the dog to the beach I think after work

OP posts:
Diarygirlqueen · 13/12/2025 08:48

OP, I have read three different threads from you regarding this man, there could be more as you change your username each time.
You know he's a waste of space and each thread people give you great advice. The ball really now is in your court. It's now appearing to be attention seeking.

Cherrysoup · 13/12/2025 08:48

You had all the same advice on your other thread about this idiot. You are worth more. Your friends are telling you he’s unworthy of you. Listen to them.

thepariscrimefiles · 13/12/2025 08:49

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Going a bit off topic, why are you being such cunt to a vulnerable OP? This isn't AIBU where there is some expectation that people will be arseholes but OP posted on the Relationship board where posters are normally more supportive. Unless it isn't possible to understand OP's posts due to a lack of spelling or grammar (which definitely isn't the case here), all you have done is outed yourself as a self-regarding twat.

Planesmistakenforstars · 13/12/2025 08:50

I remember your previous thread OP. That was six months ago. He is clearly an abusive little prick, he was then and he is now. All the advice then was to leave him, as it will be again. He is not going to change and you know this. You do not live with him. What will it take for you to dump him?

Shecameshesawshesaidfuckthat · 13/12/2025 08:50

Leave the bastard

Whettlettuce · 13/12/2025 08:52

Op this so so alarming. Leave as soon as is safe to and maybe contact the police because men like him don't leave quietly. He's probably on clares law and if not then he should be

notacooldad · 13/12/2025 08:53

I dnt see the problem. My husband knows everything about my past and I know woth him. Even things that made him uncomfortable. I wld find it strange if he wasnt willing to tell me
Are you actually serious why you cant see a problem on this case?
You cant see anything wrong with He has repeatedly asked me and I haven’t answered him but now he has sat me down and said think carefully exactly what you say and wanted me to talk about my sec life since I was a teen, when I am mid forties now
If someone 'sat you down and told you to think carefully exactly what you say' you dont find that alarming or a red flag.
I had a bit of a wild time between the ages of 20 and 25, when I met Dh and settled down quickly with. Not once has dh asked about my past or 'body count' ( ridiculous term and usually used to judge women)
I think it is clear that the bf would use what ever number op says as a stick to beat her in arguments or to have some hold over her.

Says he no longer loves me as I think he is an idiot as I told him I hadn’t been that promiscuous
Problem solved. You dont want to be with somone that doesn't love you. Get shut of the dickhead.

Original poster
northern2025 · 13/12/2025 08:54

Diarygirlqueen · 13/12/2025 08:48

OP, I have read three different threads from you regarding this man, there could be more as you change your username each time.
You know he's a waste of space and each thread people give you great advice. The ball really now is in your court. It's now appearing to be attention seeking.

why would I need to seek attention from strangers on the internet? I know I have got myself into a situation that I am having difficulty extracting myself from.
Sometimes it is easier to seek support anonymously than in real life.

OP posts:
Junenights · 13/12/2025 08:55

northern2025 · 13/12/2025 08:42

Also I think it should be is there a reason why you do not use Punctuation marks ? There is reason why they exist.
Or is there a reason you did punctuation in school? There is a reason why it exists ?

Show quote history

haha, brilliant response op, love it 👏 🤣

How are things currently? Hope you're ok and yes please end this relationship, he is abusive and will mess with your head completely

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 13/12/2025 08:57

Please end this relationship. This is no way to live. Listen to your friends.

CameltoeParkerBowles · 13/12/2025 08:59

Pixilicious1 · 12/12/2025 22:03

Get rid of him. ‘Think carefully’?? Who the fuck dies he think he is??

Exactly what I thought. "Think carefully before answering" for fuck's sake! As if he's the fucking Gestapo. He has no right to know, unless you want to share the info freely.

gamerchick · 13/12/2025 09:02

TwistedWonder · 13/12/2025 08:44

I’m the same generation and it’s never been perfectly normal for a man to demand a list of previous partners.

Show quote history

So am I. It's not normal to ask for a list of previous partners. It's normal to get full STD screens before ditching condoms.

Never normal to ask how many sexual.partners someone has for that reason when it only takes 1 to infect you with something.

gamerchick · 13/12/2025 09:03

OP you probably know what you need to do, is there something holding you back that we can help with?

KeepAwayFromChildren · 13/12/2025 09:06

Ialwaysthoughtitwasadojo · 12/12/2025 22:05

He doesn’t need to know, it’s not important. This is the Andrew Tate brigade, women need a low body count and men can have whatever one they want.

This is EXACTLY what is going on here. He is about to decide if you are a 'high value' or 'low value' woman so he knows how to proceed.

LTB

Fluffyred · 13/12/2025 09:09

He's sexually abusive and jealous. 🚩🚩🚩🚩