Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I wasted his 20s now he can’t have a baby?

139 replies

BootsandCatss · 11/12/2025 23:34

So I’ll start right at the beginning, I met my ex partner 8 years ago when I was 25, him 22. I had 2 children from a previous relationship who were 3 & 7 at the time, he had no children. I made it very clear due to numerous factors that I did not want any more children. He accepted that and said it was no problem, our relationship was enough.

Around a year into the relationship the subject of children came up, again I made it clear I didn’t want anymore children and told him if that’s something he wants in his future I’d understand and leave on good terms so he could find someone who wants what he wants, again he said no if being with me meant no biological children of his own he’d be happy with that. I thought that was the end of it and it wouldn’t come up again, I was wrong, but it became a regular conversation with him involving others and they’d say to me “if you loved him you’d give him what he wants” but why should I change what I’ve stood firm on the whole time? In the end I’d had enough of it and left so he could be with someone who wanted the same thing, this was 5 years ago, he’s done nothing in that time to meet anyone else and I mean NOTHING, he quit his job, moved back into his mums box room where he spent all of his time playing video games(see I made the right decision not to give into having a baby with him).

Today I’ve had his sister in my face ranting at me that I wasted his best years by tying him down and not giving him what he wants, that I was selfish and he’s now struggling to find someone who wants a relationship with him. I’m just baffled and having a rant I guess that anyone could think that his choices were my wrongdoings. Am I on another planet thinking I’ve done nothing wrong?

OP posts:
Hippobot · 12/12/2025 02:29

Thank goodness you (and nobody else either) have had a baby with this waste of space manchild. Ignore his stupid sister too. You've had a lucky escape.

OuijaBoard · 12/12/2025 02:30

Of course you didn't "waste his twenties" (how idiotic), and neither did he. The two of you had a relationship which presumably was mutually fulfilling and enjoyable at the time, and it didn't work out in the end so you split up. He did what he wanted to do at the time, fully aware of the circumstances. You didn't mislead him. His stupid sister should butt out. Block her.

APinkAndSpottyGiraffey · 12/12/2025 03:06

But he’s a MALE of 27 (27!!)

If he was female, I’d say you’d wasted his time if he were ten years, maybe 15 years even, older when you left.

If he were still male, but 40+ years older I’d still not agree, you were honest and he was/is a big boy.

His sister is batshit. Your only correct response is ‘are you on glue?’

edited for spag

Firefumes · 12/12/2025 03:15

APinkAndSpottyGiraffey · 12/12/2025 03:06

But he’s a MALE of 27 (27!!)

If he was female, I’d say you’d wasted his time if he were ten years, maybe 15 years even, older when you left.

If he were still male, but 40+ years older I’d still not agree, you were honest and he was/is a big boy.

His sister is batshit. Your only correct response is ‘are you on glue?’

edited for spag

Edited

Why are people struggling with the ages so much? Where have you got 27 from? 22+8=30!

APinkAndSpottyGiraffey · 12/12/2025 03:19

My apologies, he’s 30, big difference. My comment stays the same.

Edited to add ; it’s 3am, I trusted previous posters on the age, apologies again!

Mummyoflittledragon · 12/12/2025 03:44

I am wondering if his parents are at the end of their tether and she’s had them chewing her ear off. It’s easier to rant at you than face reality that her brother has actively chosen to pine away for what you never offered because he never accepted you had ownership of your own body.

bizkittt · 12/12/2025 03:52

He’s an utter weirdo. Block him.

Mothership4two · 12/12/2025 03:54

The sister has a very weird take on your 3 year relationship. He's only 30 and has been single since 25 - that's young. I wonder what he's been telling his family?

thepariscrimefiles · 12/12/2025 04:56

Why are you even in contact with his awful sister? None of this is your fault. You were very clear and explicit from the beginning about not wanting any more children and he pretended to accept this but kept trying to pressure you to change your mind. You left him five years ago! He's only 30 and he's a man so he doesn't even have the problem of wasting his best fertile years like a woman would.

Tell his sister to fuck off. He's struggling to find a new relationship because he is a whiny baby who can't be arsed to find a job and move out of his mum's house. Can you imagine how useless he would be if you had caved and had a baby with him? You have dodged a massive bullet.

HipHopDontYouStop · 12/12/2025 05:11

You ended the relationship after he was pressuring you to have children. Even after you’d be quite clear you did not want to.

His sister is an absolute halfwit. What a stupid cow she is.

Meanwhile, he games on in his mum’s spare bedroom. Blaming everyone else for everything.

Imagine if you’d had children with this man. He would have done sweet FA.

You made the right decision.

HoppingPavlova · 12/12/2025 05:34

So, the guy is 30yo, and has spent his best years, is now washed up and beyond children? WTUF.

Apart from my own DH (we met late 20’s and kids in 30’s), I don’t know any guy who has settled down with someone before 30yo let alone had children! More common around 40yo for the guy in my direct friend circle but from greater circles it would be more 35-40yo. They just marry and have kids with younger women 😁.

Yamamm · 12/12/2025 05:41

Lucky escape. I assume sister is parroting what he’s telling his family.
Men often want to blame women for the problems in their lives. Why can’t they all just be given a woman to facilitate their needs? Why are we all so difficult? 😁

Billybagpuss · 12/12/2025 05:48

My guess is you are on the tail end of a circle of rant.

man child moves back in with mummy, resorts to teenage habits of gaming all night.
mummy had no intention really of having him back now she’s stuck with an adult gamer who never leaves the house and it’s not a huge stretch to suggest doesn’t pull his weight either. She really wants him gone and settled with a family so she rants to her daughter.

Daughter fed up with the ‘why do I have to listen to my parents rant about my lazy brother all the time’ sees you, ah it’s all your fault if you’d have just given him a baby none of this would have happened how dare you dump him so he actually has to go out and make an effort.

not your fault at all you did the right thing

Nessiesfoodprovider · 12/12/2025 05:57

The reality is that his acceptance of you not wanting more children was a smokescreen. He hoped he would wear you down or have an oops moment.
You did the right thing in getting rid after three years. Noone needs that sort of harassment from his family and friends. His sister popping up now and having a go is bang out of order but probably echoes of her mother having had a moan about her feckless 30 year old man child who won't leave home.
Block them all and know that you've been authentic and not messed anyone around.

ACynicalDad · 12/12/2025 06:02

Block the family and move on

Orangepate · 12/12/2025 06:15

She’s probably sick to the back teeth of him tbf.

IndolentCat · 12/12/2025 06:16

You’ve been split up for almost twice as long as you were together, how on earth is from 22 to 25 “his best years” and how on earth is it your responsibility what he’s done (or not done) since he was 25? How have YOU wasted his 20s when you haven’t had any part in over half of them??

Motnight · 12/12/2025 06:18

SizeableBadBoys · 11/12/2025 23:57

He's young, he has plenty of time to find a new partner and have a baby. I think there is a lot of projection going on here.

Though he may have to leave his mum's box room....

As others have said Op thank goodness you didn't have children with this oversized baby.

Shardlake63 · 12/12/2025 06:24

First of all OP, well done for standing by your decision not to have any more children in spite of pressure from your ex and his friends/relatives. You really have dodged a bullet there, as I think most posters can see how this would have panned out if you had gone ahead and had a baby with him.
Maybe tell his interfering sister that if he was perhaps holding down a job and had his own place, instead of holing up in his parents box room wasting his life playing video games, he might be a more attractive proposition to another woman as a prospective father for her children.
You have done absolutely NOTHING wrong.

firstofallimadelight · 12/12/2025 06:44

Ignore them. Obviously he has told them a different story in which you are the enemy. It’s easy to blame you for the state he’s in.

Owly11 · 12/12/2025 06:49

Ffs they sound like a nightmare. His sister is his flying monkey. Tell her to fuck off and keep her nose out of other people's business. Having healthy boundaries is a surprisingly easy way to find out who is toxic.

Pedallleur · 12/12/2025 06:53

Sitting in his bedroom in mums house playing video games is going to be such a turn on for a potential partner. 5 years???

Alondra · 12/12/2025 06:54

huh? A man can have children in their 80s if they can get it up and orgasm. Your SIL was talking rubbish.

Look, you made your position regarding children with your partner clear from the beginning. But he was also very young, his feelings have changed and want children of his own - your SIL is giving you the gutful she's heard from him.

There are no rights or wrongs in your situation. You don't want more children and he wants to be a father. It's a serious relationship deal breaker you can only navigate with love, understanding and hard decisions.

BackToBeingACatSlave · 12/12/2025 06:56

You were only with him for 3 years and split by the time he was 25. If this is real, his sister is a very strange person. You really don’t need anyone to tell you that you haven’t done anything wrong, you know you haven’t so just ignore them

It’s quite unusual for children to be on the radar for anyone at that age nowadays. Most people are starting to build their careers and trying to get some money together.

Bananaandmangosmoothie · 12/12/2025 07:00

He’s a 30 year old man. He’s perfectly placed in that regard to be finding a life partner and start a family. Unfortunately it sounds like he’s a pathetic manbaby and it’s very much that factor holding him back and nothing to do with you. You were always honest and upfront with him. Makes me so cross when men don’t respect womens wishes and instead thing they will change their mind eventually.