Im a Broken man..... what do I do :( Please be nice...

[Mrmilford]

Long winded I know....first up im ADHD/ASD so my brain is frazzled enough already!
Been with my Wife 26 years, the last 6 or 7 years have been pretty much a disaster, mainly due to the lack of affection, Love, Sex etc.
When I say we have tried everything.... trust me we really have.
We both know a lot of it is age related, menopause issues etc but its now at the stage im a broken man. I absolutely adore her, I have told her how I feel many many times over the last few years but its like there is just no attention paid at all to what I say, how I feel etc. There is NO affection for me, anything is always from me, it really does make me sad and lonely. Even when I ask her to try and imagine it was the other way around she just does not seem to care. We are at a stage now where we are pretty much just best mates, she does her thing, I do my thing....... but I can not live without her. We still sleep in the same bed, I still cuddle her, we still have a laugh etc but I miss female interaction , I miss being told im loved, being asked for a cuddle or anything..... I honestly can not remember the last time unless I asked for one. I just feel there is no way forward for me, she is my life..... but I dont want to spend the next 20-30 years of my life being sad and lonely. (currently 51) and on the flipside I dont want to spend those years without her either, hence although things are not great I still just stay as I can not see life without her in it.

Do people think I just need to man up and leave, should I seek professional help etc or just stay so she is in my life even though though its not perfect. I really am soooo sad and lonely and head fried.

Thanks for reading.

I wouldn't accept a life without sex. I would go private if I had to. Just because some women are asexual and use menopause as a cover for it doesn't meant that the rest of us are like that.

It's quite irritating that broken man hasn't bothered to reply to the many responses he has received here (and not all are accusing him of being a sex pest either)
Maybe his wife has a point if he is as ignorant towards her. 🙄

He’s probably too busy getting off on the replies. He won’t be back.

Neither will I.🙄

Going through menopause, I did not want sex/affection/cuddling with my DH whatsoever. Repulsed by the idea of it.
What I learnt through that was that menopause affects your thinking. Some thinking is cloudy but one thing is for sure, your feelings come to the surface. I disliked my DH. It had obviously built up over the years.
I left him. I couldn't stand the pressure for sex. I know there's no kind of counselling that could have repaired that.
OP, do yourself a favour, you're only 51, loads of years ahead of you. If you don't leave, it will fester and you'll do something daft, like have an affair.

Imagine a woman being constantly hounded and sex-pested when she clearly doesn't want sex. Shudder.

Why do we always frame this as a woman problem. She needs to see the GP, she needs to take more hormones (on top of other hormones she's likely already taken for contraception ) Why don't we ever frame this as a male problem? I would say it's perfectly normal to not want sex at menopause. We are not biologically driven to have sex then. Why would we be? So instead of thinking: how can we make wives want more sex again? Maybe we should be thinking: how can we stop husbands from sex-pesting? Im sure there are drugs to reduce sex drive. Why should women have to take estrogen/ testosterone / supplements more hormones etc in an attempt to please their husbands? Why is it always us? It's this narrative that it's a problem to be fixed. We are the problem. And it's bollocks.
I also strongly disagree that sex is highly important in a good marriage. To some people maybe. But for most menopausal women it is not. Other things take precedence: support, understanding, shared interests, companionship.

That's such a weird thing to say. If I thought i was asexual then I would just say I am. But im not. I used to enjoy sex. Since (artificially induced) menopause, I have literally zero desire. I am sure that many women feel the same. Assexuality is something that would have been there forever.

Just no. What nonsense. Post menopausal women aren't all sexless beings.

Goodness! You aren't one of those that believe Mums can be men do you???

MUMSnet is for women.

Well, it is an incompatibility problem. Most of the time women who take hormones from menopause are looking to address more than just loss of libido. Perhaps this has run its cause and they need to break up, perhaps not. There is too little for us to know.

Most menopause treatment is not because the husband is bothered by the loss of libido, it is to try and address some of the multitude of symptoms.
As for men taking anaphrodisiacs, that is an option but as it also tends to have side effects like the man loosing motivation and energy. So it may well damage the other aspects of the marriage. In which case perhaps rather then take the medical risk it would be better to end things sooner.

“I also strongly disagree that sex is highly important in a good marriage. To some people maybe. But for most menopausal women it is not.”

Interesting take. You know relationships are two way don’t you? Both need to be feeling fulfilled in it. Some relationships will be fine as sexless, affectionless relationships but many won’t. Many relationships continue to be sexually active post menopause, though the fall is significant in 70+ category.

This doesn’t sound like a good marriage, because OP sounds like he is needy which will be very annoying and his wife isn’t interested in the sexual side of things that he still is. Perhaps most marriages are not “good” marriages and people stay out of laziness or fear. But a good marriage isn’t just one person getting their way all the time.