Ghosted after a great first date. Best response?

[WildflowerGardens]

I had a first date with a man off hinge on Saturday afternoon - we had coffee and then walked round an illustration fair. The whole time we were laughing and talking animatedly and seemed to have a lot in common. At the end of the date he pulled me into a bear hug and said “see you again soon”.

I texted him that evening to say “Great to meet you, what a fun afternoon!” but he didn’t reply and it’s now Tuesday. I think I’ve been ghosted.

I feel like sending a final message, something like “Ghosting in your forties? I only date grown men: good luck with your ongoing search 👋 ” before blocking him but I’m not sure if I should do this.

My reasoning is that I think ghosting is crap behaviour and people who ghost should be called out on it.

Any advice very welcome.

Perhaps if you date him you can see that I was quite right about everything

Not if they're going on multiple dates. It sounds like you did that thing of imagining something coming of it. I don't date anymore, but I do remember fantasising about wedding dresses and the like after first dates when I was very young. It's normal. But don't give this anymore of your time. He hasn't done anything wrong. The date wasn't wasted as, if you are looking for someone, every date is good practice. Chalk it up to experience, but stay hopeful.

🤔

I thought you had no spare time @WildflowerGardens ? How are you able to spend so much time on MN?

If you're such a fan of Mr Ghostie then date him, I don't give two hoots

Maybe the OP is an author of one of those 'choose your own adventure' books.

Do you follow the majority of posts here advising just to let it go and move on with your life? (turn to page 67)

Is your ego so damaged by no follow up communications that you have to revise down your initial very positive assessment of the date with a constant drip feed of negative comments? (turn to page 178)

I'm on a train (to a date).

Sorry, right about which bit? The great fun conversation or the zero communication skills?

The outrage about being ghosted, or the “he was shit anyway and I was trying to escape half the time”?

You sound very childish with this “why don’t you date him” shit as well, but crack on

OLD takes a really thick skin and unfortunately I do think that some people behave in the way we wouldn't expect them too.
My idea of a first date would normally meeting them for one drink not investing to much time in them until I knew I liked them in person more.

She's an author of batshit windup threads on mumsnet.
Id ghost her too, and before you say it OP do want to date him, I've already messaged him.

Slow down.
Saturday to Tuesday is not long.
He may have gone down with flu, or had an emergency.
Or yes he may have ghosted you. Maybe you were a bit full-on, wanting answers immediately as you busy author-schedule time is so valuable? Or he could be a nasty piece of work. Who knows. If so, it’s something to reflect on rather than getting irate and ‘blocky’.
Slow down and learn to tolerate a bit of uncertainty.

OP, do you have RSD? Your reaction is extreme and ongoing

OP just jumped the shark

No because I’ve been married nearly 30 years but I’d certainly be interested in his version of the date and his feedback. All most odd

Overreact much?

Sending pissy texts to someone who didn't contact you in your self appointed timeframe is a waste of time and hardly going to elicit the response you wanted, which was another date.

If they got busy with something, a pissy text will just give them a negative impression. If they're ghosting because they just don't want to go out with you again, it's just confirming their decision.

You don't think he picked up on your thinking this about him? And you want him to contact you again? Why? Because he needs to be polite, but you don't have to be? He might be all the things you say about him, but at least ghosting you shows that he has some self respect.

Before mobile phones, waiting a couple of days to hear from a date wasn’t that long. I would text him and say that I had enjoyed the date but he wasn’t for me. That way you now have control. Maybe he will respond to that or not but either way you can move on and stop wasting time thinking about it.

She jumped the shark several batshit posts ago...

You are in your bollix.

And yet you wanted to see him again? He seems to really have got under your skin - and it's just not worth spending this much energy on him. You've dodged a bullet.

Dating has been this way since the beginning of time... swapping 'phone numbers and not calling / giving an incorrect number was par for the course in the '80s and '90s as I recall. No one thought it was their job to 'call people out' on it, they just moaned to their friends or, if they were the ghostee got on with their lives.

Is it crap behaviour? Of course. Do women do the same? Of course. But I can see absolutely nothing to be gained by sending the message you propose. It'll briefly make you feel good, and for him affirm his ghosting decision. Even if you don't block after sending such a message he's vanishingly unlikely to give you the satisfaction of responding, and might well have already blocked you anyway!

I don't know why people don't believe OP is an author, although one shouldn't assume it must necessarily be fiction. A bit grumpy, ego a bit fragile, procrastinates on the internet, sounds about right to me. If it's non fiction (gardening? Username made me wonder) then the editing team will help with lucidity where needed, OP just needs to provide the expert knowledge. Might explain why editing is apparently taking quite so long.

I can only understand this attempted character assassination as you hoping to date this man yourself

I'm going to go against most of the advice here, and say that if you want to send him a polite, cutting message- do it. It's all about what makes you feel better now.

I strongly recommend reading it over several times before sending though!

Maybe it will make him mind his manners a bit more in future.

You're welcome to him.

I don't want him. Or any man. You do.