Would you expect your spouse to accompany you for a operation with a general anaesthetic?

[LucyLoo1972]

Had my gallbladder out and my husband just went to work as normal. Should I have expected him to come with me for the operation, I was quite anxious as I ahev a lot fonhealth anxiety and don’t like hospitals. I’d never had an operation before. Would you expect them to be with you?

I had emergency surgery to remove my gallbladder. My husband took time off work to take me into hospital and to be able to visit me twice a day at visiting times. As it happened I was taken into surgery very early at about 8 am so he wasn't there yet I called him after and he came up to see me after. A lot of the time your surgery time isn't set in stone as emergency cases can take priority I wouldn't expect my husband to wait about all day just to be there in case. What matters is that he wanted to support me and did a good job of looking after me when I was discharged, even pulling up my surgical stockings when I wasn't able to!

Personally, no. I wouldn't expect him to stay at the hospital, although I'd expect to be dropped off and picked up afterwards.

However, in your case, where it's your first operation, and you have anxiety around it - and assuming the hospital would allow it - I would expect him to stay with you for as long as possible, to offer reassurance and support to you.

I had the same operation. My husband dropped me off then came to pick me up. I wouldn't want him waiting around all day for me!

I think if you suffer from health anxiety it’s perfectly reasonable to want your spouse to drop you off and stay nearby.

My DH doesn’t drive and the hospital is a 90min drive away. I’ve been in twice for OP’s in the last 10yrs and both times I had to rely on various friends to give me a lift there and back. So I’m on my own for the actual appt and overnight stays.

However, I would definitely expect your DH to properly care for you when you’re both home and not fuck off out with his friends.

Accompany me?! No.

They’d drop me off and then go home/work until it was time to pick me up again. I wouldn’t expect them to sit with me at the hospital before and after my operation! What would be the point of that?

They can't be there when you wake up from an operation as you're taken to a recovery room first before being taken to the ward. Nothing to do with how caring a person is.

Why?

Not to mention the car park charges!!

I'd want him to take me, and be there when I came round unless there was a pressing reason he couldn't be. No point in him pacing the corridors while the op's in progress, though having said that his usual habit with this kind of thing is to bring a book and wait.

I would expect them to drive me and collect me and stay with me if I wanted.
I had my gall bladder out years ago first operation id ever had and I hate hospitals I was very anxious so DH did wait with me till I went down.
Hope youre recovering well OP and DH is looking after you, get lots of rest i think I was in bed for about 3 days afterwards.

my husband dropped me off but didn’t stay. I think he was only allowed there within certain times. Certainly the kids needed to be looked after so it would have been tricky for him to stay.

@BauhausOfEliott Because the cat needed his lunch and dinner & I wasn’t buying an auto feeder for one day.

Drop off/pick up and visiting daily if a long stay. No hanging round while I was actually being operated on, I had 4 operations in just over a week.

Exactly! I'd need a small loan to pay a whole day's stay in a hospital car park! 😆

I totally agree, for my last op I caught the bus in and got a taxi back. I would never expect my husband to do anything, II’ve learned from bitter experience over the last 45+ years.

A lot of things have genuinely been most like tm career, my marriage as it was, seriosu financial losses, my physical health as I have chronic conditions now. I do ruminate and always ahev done but now it is 24/7 on the same thing which is the breakdwon and what was going on and how it o iOS ahve hapkened

Drop off and pick up for day surgery (as gall bladder surgery is) or drop off and visit for an inpatient stay. He’d be sitting around waiting and possibly paying ££££ in car parking fees otherwise!

I might be the odd one out here but yes I would. And my husband would do so without question providing we had someone to look after our children. I had a minor investigation done recently, something others might consider routine but carried a lot of trauma for me. My husband dropped me off and waited. He did nip put to get some lunch but then came back and had to wait a few hours. He drove me home, tucked me in bed and grub went out again to gather my favourite foods and things he thought would cheer me up a bit. I slept most of the day and he took over the school run, dinner and bath and bedtime without mentioning it at all. Just felt like it was a given.

You keep posting about this. I don’t think these threads are helping you.

I have had several operations. I just needed to be dropped and collected. I wouldn’t want/need him to stay. That doesn’t mean shouldn’t ask if you have health anxiety. Everyone is different with what they need :)

I hope you realise OP that it absolutely isn’t your fault you had a breakdown.

Are you in a safe place right now?

What about those with children or other caring responsibilities? Work commitments? It’s not quite as black and white as you think it is.

Dr here. No its bizzare when spouses stay unless an emergency. You don't need to be coddled.

I would expect him to be there until they wheeled me in, and be close by or present, if allowed, while in the recovery room, if it were feasible and convenient, yes (I’m not in the UK, though, so my cultural expectations of marriage seem to be different from many on this board). It would be fine if he went and got lunch or went to work in the time in between, but I’ve had multiple surgeries under GA (my bad luck) and the only times my husband didn’t stay the whole time were during Covid times and when we had small children and no one to take care of them. I have done the same for him. If things go wrong, I want him to be there to make decisions on my behalf and hold my hand if there’s nothing that can be done. And where I am, no one is allowed to drive after anesthesia, even dental anesthesia, so someone has to at least pick a patient up. They won’t even allow patients to take taxis home.