Would you expect your spouse to accompany you for a operation with a general anaesthetic?

[LucyLoo1972]

Had my gallbladder out and my husband just went to work as normal. Should I have expected him to come with me for the operation, I was quite anxious as I ahev a lot fonhealth anxiety and don’t like hospitals. I’d never had an operation before. Would you expect them to be with you?

When I had a Cesarean Section DH was right there in the operating theatre.

When I had surgery a few years later he took time off to stay at home with small DC, I got the bus to the hospital and a friend collected me afterwards.

I would, yes. Until this thread, it would have occurred to me that this wasn’t just a given!

I’ve had a couple of OPs under general and he’s always taken me, stayed (popped out to get lunch, gone for walks, but been in the general vicinity) and then been there when I woke up. And he’s always brought me home. When necessary, we get a babysitter for DC.

DH took time off from work and/or sorted childcare so he could come to all the scans when I was pregnant. He was there when I got my wisdom teeth removed. I don’t think I’d want a marriage where we didn’t just reflexively do this stuff for each other.

When I had a Cesarean Section DH was right there in the operating theatre.

Same. Is this not the norm?!

Pick up afterwards if allowed to leave on the same day yes, especially as driving after a general anesthetic isn't allowed - stay no.

I'd only stay for a child or if the operation was known in advance to be essential but very high risk.

C Section is a bit different to other operations. It is sort if expected except in extreme circumstances that your partner will be there for childbirth
(Mine was in Afghanistan as an example of extreme circumstances)

A caesarean is different assuming it's his baby! It's not his gallbladder being delivered 😂. Gallbladder removal is also lower risk (especially if keyhole) than a caesarean.

Snap! Luckily I had my MIL in the surgery with me and FIL looked after the other children - my family were all overseas too. DH only got home from Afghanistan when baby was 3 months.

Drop me off and pick me up, yes, but not to stay with me. I'm a big girl and can take care of myself.

He had an operation last year and I dropped him off and then went back for him when he was ready to be discharged. It was under GA but he didn't need to stay overnight. It never occurred to either of us for me to stay.

Either of us WOULD stay if the other one really wanted them though but would have to ask as the general assumption would be not to.

I think as long as they are caring about it and offer to go that's ok with me, but I never wanted anyone hovering around me when waiting for surgery. Maybe it's just me, but I'm far better on my own for these things. The medical staff know the score and will explain everything needed.

It's at the other end that someone is needed more. You know, pick you up, carry the bags, have the heat on in the house, food ready or ordered. That kind of thing.

No - would drop off but what's the point of staying? If there's a complication they can't do anything and would just sit there worrying (or constantly bothering staff for updates). I've had GA twice and both times nobody was allowed to wait with me before it. I only take DH to an appointment if I might need his input (he's a retired doctor) but I prefer to do everything myself so that I don't worry that someone else is wasting their time sitting around waiting for me.

When I had minor surgery under GA dh stayed all day. I was in 7am till 10pm at night. He went home twice to feed the cat.

Did he take the day off work to do that? Presumably you don't have children still at home?

It's not something that'd would cross my mind either to do or to ask for, for something routine, because it would require roping in so many other people to cover the usual responsibilities of the person assigned to waiting around - all for absolutely no purpose...

I’ve had many operations in recent years and I normally only expect my husband to drop me off and pick me up afterwards. When I had my last operation last year, for some inexplicable reason he came up to the admissions ward with me and sat there for over an hour, getting in everyone’s way while they did all their pre surgery checks and wearing his particular funeral face that he always has when he’s attending medical appointments with me, until I asked him to leave. 😆

No, I literally had my gall bladder out in August and a bypass at the same time. My DH dropped me off and went home. He came back that night and the following evening and brought me what I needed etc. Its the nurses job to care for you and you can text as soon as you are up to it and back in your room.

Also, I was lucky either to be in a private room but I promise you, other women don’t want your DH hovering around. I loathe it when men are in women’s wards for anything other than visiting times.

I'm an adult. I would get a cab there and he would collect me. He has a job to do and it would be a complete waste of his time to sit in the hospital caff.

I'm generally happy to be left to get on with it, so DH generally drops off and then picks up, even if I've been in A&E. There's no point both of us losing sleep.

However, when he had surgery, I was there until he went down to theatre and there when he came back. I would not have had it any other way.

When XP had knee surgery, he was so anxious that I ended up going into the operating theatre and holding his hand while they knocked him out.

No! I have had multiple ops it wouldn’t even occur to me for him to stay!

No. I would be mortified, because I am a competent adult. I'd just go on my own, in a taxi. What use is it taking someone else? They would just get in the staff's way.

If the hospital staff refused to send me home unaccompanied, I would ask him to collect me but, if he was unavailable, I'd ask someone else.

Depends on the circumstances. I’ve not had an operation under general anaesthetic so can’t say how I’d feel. I’ve only asked him to come to hospital with me for pregnancy scans but once he asked me to go up A&E with him because he was nervous and I was happy to.

But regardless of whether I wanted him there or not, we would have discussed it and if I wanted him there, I’d have told him and he most likely would have taken the day off work. If not possible, he’d have explained why. Did you not discuss it beforehand?

Only had two. One of which I was already in hospital and the other he couldn't take me as has to be there for 7am and he.stayed at home with DC. He was there for when I was back on the ward which was when I actually needed him.

Yes absolutely I would expect this.
But I’ve only had one surgery and was terrified.

Without him taking me there, waiting until I was called to theatre, and coming with me to theatre door I’m not sure I would have been able to go through with it. As it was he helped me stay calm.

Surgery had complications, and he insisted he had to be with me when I woke up, and they agreed. He also accompanied me in the ambulance for transfer to ITU, and was the second person I saw when I woke up. And despite being in the wrong hospital and many medical staff looking at me with fear, he was there holding my hand and smiling and saying it would be ok.

He visited me every day, for as long as he was allowed. Sat outside ICU until he was allowed in. Brought me peppermint tea as the bigger hospital had none, despite saying it was good for post laparascopic surgery.

Helped me with my TED stockings, and walking slowly around the hospital, then outside, then home.

I know I could not have got through it without him.

it was only a few months ago, but even now he wakes me up and holds me when I have post ICU nightmares.

When he needs similar, I know I would do the same for him. And he knows that. I’ve done the same when caring for my elderly father

I went to emergency surgery assessment unit by bus. They decided to operate same day. Due to complications a keyhole operation turned into open operation and stayed 11days in hospital. On discharge day Dh had to take ds to children’s a&e. So then I would need have waited ages him to pick me up. So I took a cab back home.

Absolutely this. If you are a medic, or married to one, you do understand the practicalities. I think being married to a medic makes us very self-sufficient, because that's how we have to be to get through life. Also I never wanted the "Mr So-and-so's wife is a bit pathetic" gossip to go round the hospital!