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Original poster

(((( TW SA ))) Dp has sexomnia

583 replies

Smoggle123 · 30/11/2025 01:08

Me and dp have been together nearly a decade, have kids. At the moment we are going through a rough patch due to an unrelated matter. I'm also pp with dbaby. During the past week I've made it clear to dp we aren't on good terms to be intimate and also reminded him physically I am not ready since I'm still feeling fragile being pp.

In the past dp has claimed to have sex with me and be totally unconscious from start till finish. This means he has no recollection or control over it. We have struggled with this before but it rarely happens, usually it occurs only if we go through a dry spell or rough patch.

The other night we were asleep and dp had sex with me, again unconsciously. Because of this he didn't use protection. Now, not only am I stressed about the potential risk of pregnancy whilst already having a baby, I am also feeling violated. During the week dp kept having "episodes" of being too handsy with me at night and I reminded him I'm not in the mood to do stuff with him whilst we are working on our relationship. He said he understood but obviously because this all goes down in his sleep he can't be blamed right?!

So where does this leave me?? I'm feeling so hurt, disrespected and violated. Dp was clearly very sexually frustrated as he kept telling me so, and whether it was conscious or not HE still did this. Not only that but he also finished inside me and is gambling my recovering body with pregnancy again, even if he didn't make the conscious decision or mean to do so.

I didn't even know this was a thing until I decided to look up if anyone else had experience this with their partners and saw it is a real thing.

So yes it isn't him just being a shitty person and trying to excuse it with a lie however it doesn't take away from how upset I am by it all.

I just don't know where to go from here...

OP posts:
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selffellatingouroborosofhate · 30/11/2025 08:08

StruggleFlourish · 30/11/2025 02:19

Although many seem unconvinced, let's go with the assumption that this is a real thing, and not a misogynistic excuse of marital rape.
You're physically exhausted from being with your newborn and being postpartum.
You're sleeping so soundly, and you wake up while he's touching you, molesting you, inserting himself, etc.
You're not to blame here. I'm a light sleeper so it's hard for me to imagine being this oblivious but, sleep deprivation, definitely. So yeah, you're being heavily asleep is not consent.
If your husband realizes he has this condition (self-diagnosed or has he actually been to a doctor?) and has not received any medical or psychological treatment for it,
And sees absolutely nothing wrong with what he's doing because in his defense, "well I was asleep I didn't know..."
That could be a defense once, maybe twice, until you figure out that holy smokes, this is actually a thing.
After that, sleeping separately, (him on the couch... Until he gets treatment)... That's also a thing.
I'm not saying that it should be up to you to be on the defense, but seeing as how almost everything is available online these days, by any chance, does anyone make the modern day equivalent of a chastity belt that can be worn while you're asleep?
You shouldn't have to put up with the discomfort of wearing such a thing, the cost etc, actually to be honest it's your husband that should be wearing this, but we can all imagine how much she'd agree to that if he doesn't see anything wrong with what he's doing because he can use the excuse that he didn't know he was doing it.

To save you searching for photos to get an idea of what I'm talking about and ending up with a results page full of porn, I attach device images with no humans depicted.

The options for women look like steel thong knickers with high, tight, waistbands. Not appropriate post-partum, not appropriate for long-term wear, not comfortable to sleep in, more useful for short duration chastity "play" sessions. The depicted women's option is the Fancy Steel P1, which Fancy Steel describe as their ergonomic Hmm option and comes in at over £600.

Men can obtain and wear far more comfortable "cock cages" that fit over the penis and secure around the scrotum. Flexible silicone options, like the shown Demonia from Chastity-Cage . uk (deliberate spaces in url to prevent accidental clicking), are available at the £50 price point.

If this rapist was genuinely doing this in his sleep, he'd try to stop himself by locking himself up overnight for £50 or sleeping on the sofa.

@Smoggle123 Suggest the Demonia and the sofa to him and see what he says. If he does anything other than hasten to the sofa or hasten to the website to buy a cage, you'll know he doesn't actually regard raping you as a problem.

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(((( TW SA ))) Dp has sexomnia
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(((( TW SA ))) Dp has sexomnia
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(((( TW SA ))) Dp has sexomnia
Pedallleur · 30/11/2025 08:10

Vasectomy. Jug of water next to the bed and poured on him. Kick in the balls, pinch his nostrils, so many options. But he is lying.

Bournetilly · 30/11/2025 08:10

Luddite26 · 30/11/2025 07:07

So @Bournetilly if it is not rape and the man just can't help it. Surely he would go to the GP to try and get help as even though he didn't mean to as he had no control in essence he has raped his wife who has said she's not ready at the moment to oarticipate.
So what happens if he doesn't get treatment and this happens when he's near one of the kids.
Thankfully since 2003 his actions have been outlawed in the UK. Whichever way he dresses this up it is rape.

Yes he should definitely go to the GP to get a diagnosis and medication which can help prevent this.

KvotheTheBloodless · 30/11/2025 08:11

Plum02 · 30/11/2025 02:17

I’m so sorry OP but please have no doubt that your partner is raping you. He’s gaslit you into thinking this behaviour is out of his control and something you just have to put with. Sexomnia may be a real condition but any non-rapist with this condition would be absolutely horrified to learn they’d raped you during their sleep and would do everything in their power to stop it - including psychological help from the first time it happened, learning what their triggers are to ensure they can either avoid the triggers altogether or sleep separately when they know those triggers such a sleep deprivation are there and they are at high risk, for example by sleeping on the sofa or on the floor to create physical distance. They’d be so horrified to learn it had happened again they’d be trying to get support for you as any non-rapist would realise that being raped in your sleep (accidentally or not) would be absolutely traumatic for you. Instead his behaviour and attitude you’ve described show he has no desire or motivation to stop raping you in your sleep and think it’s perfectly fine. Sexomnia is a very convenient excuse. Please contact a local rape crisis centre for support.

Show quote history

This.

Your partner's response shows he doesn't give a shit that's he's raped you repeatedly. He's an awful, awful man.

GoodQueenWenceslaus · 30/11/2025 08:12

Surely if your husband was genuinely concerned for you he would be sleeping somewhere else?

lynnebenfieldshandbag · 30/11/2025 08:12

He’s a disgusting rapist who is lying about a made up “condition” to avoid taking the blame for his actions. He is not having sex with you, he is raping you.

This would be the end of the relationship for me, but if you can’t leave at the moment (or kick him out) then I’d tell him that what he is doing is rape and ask him to sleep on the sofa for now.

I’m very sorry you are going through this.

Shutuptrevor · 30/11/2025 08:14

Just because it’s a real medical condition doesn’t mean you have to put up with the effects of it.

If you think he’s genuine and it is a good relationship otherwise I would suggest as a non negotiable he goes to GP and asks for help and, until that help kicks in:

  • He sleeps on the sofa or an airbed in the living room
  • He masturbates before bed
  • You sleep in a onesie
  • You put a lock on the bedroom door
zerored · 30/11/2025 08:14

My ex had this, most times he wouldn't wake up and had zero recollection in the morning. It doesn't change the fact he's putting you at risk though, he needs to sleep elsewhere (even a sofa?) whilst he sees a specialist. I hope you're ok. It's not his fault the first time if it is sexomnia but becomes his fault now he's aware of it and isn't doing anything to protect you.

BunnyLake · 30/11/2025 08:14

I bet women don’t get ‘sexomnia’.

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 30/11/2025 08:15

Pedallleur · 30/11/2025 08:10

Vasectomy. Jug of water next to the bed and poured on him. Kick in the balls, pinch his nostrils, so many options. But he is lying.

Edited

Vastectomies don't affect sexual function. You are maybe thinking of emasculation, the removal of the penis.

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 30/11/2025 08:16

BunnyLake · 30/11/2025 08:14

I bet women don’t get ‘sexomnia’.

Yup. That's part of how I'm confident that the OP's H is a rapist.

DurinsBane · 30/11/2025 08:18

It isn’t rape, as he is unaware. That doesn’t make it any less traumatic for the woman who it happens to though. And any man who has it should be taking all the steps they can to protect their partner, seeing gp asap, maybe sleeping on the floor (if he needs to be in the room to deal with baby when it wakes up) or sleeping on the sofa.

Pedallleur · 30/11/2025 08:19

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 30/11/2025 08:15

Vastectomies don't affect sexual function. You are maybe thinking of emasculation, the removal of the penis.

Show quote history

Bit drastic that suggestion but the vasectomy takes away the pregnancy fear. Otherwise cock cage and the OP has the key.

Barney16 · 30/11/2025 08:19

Honestly I think it's rubbish but if it is a thing why isn't he sleeping on the sofa already. Or taken himself to the GP? As others have already said if it is a real thing why hasn't he taken strenuous steps to protect his partner? This isn't just one of those things, he's actually assaulting you.

Pedallleur · 30/11/2025 08:22

BunnyLake · 30/11/2025 08:14

I bet women don’t get ‘sexomnia’.

There will have been no recorded cases of a woman having sexomnia ever in any culture in history

TotalEclipse23 · 30/11/2025 08:24

BreadInCaptivity · 30/11/2025 01:43

FFS. He knows exactly what he’s doing.

The only person asleep is you.

Sexomina is just another bloody misogynist excuse for men to rape women.

It's just another variation of rough sex “she liked” gone wrong.

Funny isn’t it how his “condition” only manifests when you’re in a “dry spell” or a “rough patch”.

You say you can’t leave but you should.

In the meantime he if actually cares about you he should be sleeping on the sofa until he volunteers to sort his bullshit “condition” out.

Maybe suggest that to him? Any decent person would be fine with this to protect their partner and get an appointment with the GP pronto.

But he won’t will he….because he’s absolutely fine with playing a narrative that he can’t remember a thing and the fact that disempowers you.

I understand the anger and scepticism; but It’s definitely real. Really rare, but real.

I’ve a mate who has it. I’m 6ft 2, big and hairy. Most definitely not his type. Doesn't stop him getting handsy sharing a bed on a stag do / weekend away though.

He’s a good bloke with something he’d rather not have. He informed prospective partners in his single days, and has practical arrangements in place with his wife now.

And that’s the crux of it, OPs husband is not taking it seriously enough and hasn’t listened to what his wife is telling him.

I’m inclined to think he does have the condition (unless he’s an incredible actor it’s hard to fake)… but that doesn’t excuse not having practical mitigations in place… a blow up bed, sleep on the sofa, looking into switching to single beds and only having them together on agreed nights if a spare room isn’t available etc.

BatshitOutofHell · 30/11/2025 08:25

He’s lying! You know when victims of dv say their partner’s eyes went black when they were attacking them? This sounds similar to that. You poor thing. Of course you are being violated. Please get help. I hope others on here have the links to appropriate agencies.

He should be alarmed and should be seeking out help for his “condition”

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 30/11/2025 08:25

Orthodox Jewish men often move to a separate bed within the marital bedroom during their wives' menstrual and post-partum periods, because they are prohibited from even touching their wives at these times. Again, this demonstrates that a sufficiently motivated man can and will take steps to avoid inadvertant sexual contact with a woman.

OP's H is making shit up so that he can carry on raping.

Ophy83 · 30/11/2025 08:26

Any normal man would be appalled to find he had raped his partner, even unknowingly, and finding solutions to avoid it. He should go to the GP, and in the meantime sleep on the sofa or a camping bed in the sitting room.

notallwhowanderare · 30/11/2025 08:28

No he doesn't.

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 30/11/2025 08:28

Pedallleur · 30/11/2025 08:19

Bit drastic that suggestion but the vasectomy takes away the pregnancy fear. Otherwise cock cage and the OP has the key.

Show quote history

The vasectomy doesn't take away the physical injury risk to OP, the UTI risk, nor the psychological damage that comes from being used as a wank sheath against her will.

HereforonedayonlytoavoidStrangerThingsspoilers · 30/11/2025 08:28

DurinsBane · 30/11/2025 08:18

It isn’t rape, as he is unaware. That doesn’t make it any less traumatic for the woman who it happens to though. And any man who has it should be taking all the steps they can to protect their partner, seeing gp asap, maybe sleeping on the floor (if he needs to be in the room to deal with baby when it wakes up) or sleeping on the sofa.

Him being unaware doesn't make it any less rape! You're looking at it from the wrong perspective. The legal definition of rape is when someone puts their penis in another person's vagina, anus or mouth, without the person's permission. OP isn't consenting and doesn't want to consent, therefore he is raping her.

Kumquatzest · 30/11/2025 08:28

Is this a medically diagnosed condition? Has he sought treatment for it? If he genuinely can't control his sexual behaviour when he's asleep then he is a risk to you and your children. What steps is he taking to mitigate risk? He should at least be sleeping in a separate room.

Ripplemoment · 30/11/2025 08:29

I have heard it all.
He's raping you.
You are being raped.
And he's decided to excuse himself with a diagnosis?

Call Womens aid and consider the police.
You poor woman.

Heronwatcher · 30/11/2025 08:31

This sounds like absolute bollocks. And downright dangerous- what if he tries it with one of the kids, or a house guest?

My solutions-—

  • he goes to GP for a referral;
  • he sleeps in a straight jacket;
  • he sleeps in a sleeping bag with a cord around the top which is pulled tight;
  • he sleeps in a shed outside or on the floor of the bathroom with a lock on the door;
  • (best), you take steps to leave him, and he stops raping you.

Are you also on birth control?

I personally would be getting out of there with the clothes on our backs and nothing else if necessary.