(((( TW SA ))) Dp has sexomnia

[Smoggle123]

Me and dp have been together nearly a decade, have kids. At the moment we are going through a rough patch due to an unrelated matter. I'm also pp with dbaby. During the past week I've made it clear to dp we aren't on good terms to be intimate and also reminded him physically I am not ready since I'm still feeling fragile being pp.

In the past dp has claimed to have sex with me and be totally unconscious from start till finish. This means he has no recollection or control over it. We have struggled with this before but it rarely happens, usually it occurs only if we go through a dry spell or rough patch.

The other night we were asleep and dp had sex with me, again unconsciously. Because of this he didn't use protection. Now, not only am I stressed about the potential risk of pregnancy whilst already having a baby, I am also feeling violated. During the week dp kept having "episodes" of being too handsy with me at night and I reminded him I'm not in the mood to do stuff with him whilst we are working on our relationship. He said he understood but obviously because this all goes down in his sleep he can't be blamed right?!

So where does this leave me?? I'm feeling so hurt, disrespected and violated. Dp was clearly very sexually frustrated as he kept telling me so, and whether it was conscious or not HE still did this. Not only that but he also finished inside me and is gambling my recovering body with pregnancy again, even if he didn't make the conscious decision or mean to do so.

I didn't even know this was a thing until I decided to look up if anyone else had experience this with their partners and saw it is a real thing.

So yes it isn't him just being a shitty person and trying to excuse it with a lie however it doesn't take away from how upset I am by it all.

I just don't know where to go from here...

He is raping you.

If it was true that he’s not aware he’d be absolutely horrified and he’d make every effort to stay away from you when he’s sleeping.

He’s fully aware that he’s raping you and he isn’t going to stop.

He’s raping you and making excuses for it

I don't believe a word of it. Far too convenient for him.
But call his bluff, make him see his GP and start the process of getting a genuine diagnosis and treatment.
On the off chance (very small) that he is an actual sufferer, then it can be managed.
Because this is not ok. He can't continue to do this and blame an illness. I can't even begin to understand why you are letting him get away with this without making a lot more fuss.
If it was me, he'd be sleeping on the sofa for a start and my bedroom door would be locked.

There is nothing ok about this OP. I just don’t believe he has no awareness at all - and if this were true, he should be mortified and offering to sleep on the sofa - not feeling sorry for himself.
Can you sleep in a sleeping bag? (zip to the outside of the bed do he can’t reach if asleep). Or better still make him sleep in the sleeping bag on the sofa.
He needs to do something about this out of respect for you- or he needs to go (sorry).

Even if that is the case, there is value in the thread, for women in the same position.

Can you get the morning after pill?
I would kick him out. I’m extremely dubious that this is genuine but even if it was that’s his issue to sort, you need to protect yourself and your family. Get him out. He isn’t safe. You deserve to be safe in your own bed in your own home.

#1 he has to call your GP surgery tomorrow to make an appointment to get a proper diagnosis and help for this. If he refuses he’s not taking it seriously
#2 he needs to book in for a vasectomy

If I were you i would be going to bed wearing a pair of soft trousers with belt loops and a belt that buckles firmly or a cord that you can knot. You should then be able to wake him before he can get the belt undone. With a blast in the ear from a rape alarm maybe.

I'm so sorry you have this issue, I hope it's genuine but I'm another who has real doubts about it, as I also think any reasonable husband would be sleeping in the lounge on a sofa bed.

Very much depends on whether he sat there reading your responses masturbating doesn’t it?

This is horrific!

Surrey you don’t actually believe he’s unconscious during this act?

How convenient for him….

There’s no way I would be sharing a room with that animal.

I’d be bunking in with the baby and absolutely refusing to get back in a bed with him until he’s been to the GP, sought a diagnosis and received treatment - assuming there is one?

If he won’t do that then it’s very obvious that he knows exactly what he’s doing when he’s raping you.

To be honest OP, I would just be looking to leave him because this isn’t love.

My husband would be MORTIFIED if he knew he was doing this to me (assuming it is a genuine condition) and would be doing ANYTHING and EVERYTHING to prevent it.

As I said at the start of my post, your husband is an animal (aka disgusting rapist) and you need to get yourself and your children very far away from him.

Like I said earlier, no he doesn't.

Is he a Dr House Fan? There was an episode about "sexomnia' and the highlight reel flicked up on my YouTube feed the other day. Bet that's where he got the idea he could get his end away with no fuss, no foreplay and no argument and blame it on "sexomnia"

He's definitely lying. 100% Any man who raped his wife even once through "sexomnia" would instantly look for treatment and get her to lock herself in the bedroom, safe from being raped again.

So either he's lying (which he is) and raping you, or he's got "sexomnia" (which he doesn't) and is choosing to sleep beside you knowing there's a good chance he'll rape you.

The clue is in the handsy-ness in the evening.

You have said 'no' and explained why, but he is still pawing you and pestering you (whilst conscious). This makes me believe strongly that he knows what he is doing and is just waiting for you to be asleep to make his move.

He is crossing boundaries and disrespecting your wishes in plain sight, whilst wide awake. Is it really so hard to believe that he is also disrespecting your wishes whilst you are asleep and prove less of a challenge?

Unless he has an emergency Doctor's appointment lined up with you included in the consultation, he is lying and he is raping you.

If you knew you'd raped someone in your sleep, you'd never sleep next to anyone again. You wouldn't keep sleeping in the same bed and saying, "Oops!"

He's bullshitting you.

However, if you continue to believe it, tell him to sleep on the couch.

If he does genuinely have it @Smoggle123 the key is this - what is he doing about it?

How many Dr's appointments has he made?

How many medications has he researched?

What efforts has he made to protect you while he tries to sort it? For example I tend to strip off in my sleep so if I'm sharing I room I wear pyjamas that fasten at the back in a complicated way as sleep me cannot open them.

Or has he in fact just said "I have this" and moped around feeling sorry for himself and done nothing to protect you from his condition?

What if he fell asleep on a bus/plane/ in a room with someone else?

If he really was totally unconscious he would be desperate for treatment urgently because he would not want to be raping anything he falls asleep in the same room as.

surely anyone alone with him is in danger as well as himself, and he knows it has happened before so it’s his responsibility to make sure he doesn’t rape anyone else in the future? If you ever break up all his future partners are likely to be raped too?

And if he can’t help himself but rape you multiple times maybe he needs to be sectioned/ arrested I hope you are okay thats so not an excuse for him to rape you.
I would consider calling the police (if he needs medical treatment of some kind it may help him get that too) and help you get support Xx

Not to mention the fact it should NOT be down to her to take any mitigating steps to prevent her DP raping her. HE should be taking steps to stop being a rapist.

If you're convinced OP isn't genuine, report the thread. Or she could be a genuine poster who was awake with her baby and worrying about whether she might get raped again if she went back to sleep and decided to post for help.

Either way, it's against the rules to troll hunt.

THIS!!! FFS!

I have reported it.

Ok first things first @Smoggle123 - so sorry that this is happening to you.
This non-consensual intercourse and that is rape/sexual assault regardless.

Sexsomnia is actually a very, very rare psychological or neurological condition and is actually treatable with the help of a psychiatrist and medication. Genuine suffers are 100% horrified by the condition and definitely don't treat it as 'one of those things' because of the danger it places a partner in.

HE KNOWS WHAT HE'S DOING TO YOU.
Any decent partner would be horrified that they're doing this and take appropriate medical action by seeing their GP to get referred to someone who can assess and help. Genuine suffers do not want to be like your 'D'P and seek help after it's happened a few times - your P seems to be treating as some kind of 'inconvenience' for you. He is not sorry because if he was he would remove himself from the home at night and seek urgent help.

I can see why you want to believe him - you have a lot on his plate but his response is to carry on raping & assaulting you. If he is genuinely asleep then he should be horrified and want to stop it. He would voluntarily leave the house at night to protect you.

If that's the case, so be it. As long as he's not sharing the footage with us.

Everyone should know that anyone could be reading /writing these threads and post accordingly. Don't share more than you feel comfortable sharing with the world at large

He is lying through his teeth, he's a rapist.

You are being raped and lied to. I'm so sorry

Just to highlight that based on what you have written here, 8% of people studied at a sleep centre NOT 8% of the general population. These people already had issues with sleep. This 8% cannot be extrapolated to imply that 8% of everyone has sexomnia

That doesn't stop the thread from helping other women in the same situation.

If women shut up every time we were thinking of saying something that a man might wank over, we'd never speak. Some of them are utterly depraved, aroused by socks, cars, pictures of kittens, you name it. If a concept, object, or lifeform exists in the world, there's a man out there who will jerk off to it.