Blindsided by DH telling me tonight he’s had enough of our marriage

[Jack32]

It was a normal Friday night tonight, got the baby and toddler asleep at 7, DH went out to pick up our take away and we watched our Netflix series. I asked him what’s the plan this weekend, I checked the weather app and mentioned how I’d be going for my jog first thing if the rain stayed away, around 8am. It’s a new thing I’ve taken up since the baby so keep fit. I normally get up at 6am with the kids, take them downstairs, feed them, wash, dress them while DH stays in bed. He comes downstairs to take care of them while I’m out for an hour jogging. I like to get it done early so we can spend the day together. Tonight he completely snapped at me when I said about my jog. He said he dreads the weekend with me, hates the weekend, is fed up of this marriage. I was blind sighted, I reached to grab his hand and asked if he was OK and he snatched his hand back so coldly. He said just leave me alone. I was so shocked, I’ve gone upstairs to bed and I feel sick. What should I do or say ?!

10

If OP is parenting alone Mon - Fri and DH is working Mon - Fri then they are both working and it's fair to expect to share childcare at the weekend - that means time when both parenting together while you do things as a family and time for each adult to have some child-free time to themselves. That might work out as a few hours each in the same weekend, or one weekend one parent has a full day and the next week the other parent does - it just needs to balance out overall. The fact he's in paid work Mon-Fri does not exempt him from any solo parenting of the children he chose to have.

She literally says she asked what was the plan for tomorrow. But you seem to know better

As I and others have said, it sounds like she meant after her run, for the rest of the day.

You mean you and just one other poster who seem to think only men get tired?

And it’s the first thing she asked him, so why would think it means after the run?

Because the run is part of her usual morning routine. It seems perfectly clear she was referring to what he wanted to do with the rest of the day AFTER her run.

Nobody has said only men get tired. Absolutely nobody. Everyone has recognised that this stage of life is exhausting and challenging for both parents.

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She asked him what the plan was, not what’s the plan after the run. He could have said he wanted a lie in.

Why are you putting the onus on OP to anticipate his needs and mind read? Why are you not requiring him to use his words and answer OP’s question about what the plan is?

Do you see the inherent misogyny?

There is no inherent misogyny. I am pretty sure you have misinterpreted the OP's post and if she comes back perhaps she will clarify what she meant. I would put money on her meaning what was the plan for the day after the run. The run is her usual routine.

Lol that was meant to say 1000000%

So the run is here usual routine?! So!? AFTER she does all of the hard work of getting her kids up and dressed. Do you think he asked her permission for a fucking lie in?

Because he already knew she was going for a run.

You really are very snippy with anyone who doesn't immediately jump on the LTB bandwagon. I've seen you be like it on multiple threads.

So even in that scenario, why is the onus on OP to anticipate his needs? Why can’t he just calmly say he wants a lie in?

Sounds like a ‘Cherchez la femme” situation. Sorry OP. Some men are dicks. ☹️

Where have I said LTB? I have noticed your propensity to lie on a few threads now.

And you seem to find anyone you disagree with as ‘snippy.’

No not one other poster. I assumed she meant after her usual run too.

Glad you still went on your jog. He’s trying to make it so difficult that you out give up the jog because he can’t be arsed to look after his children for an hour a week by himself. Either that or he’s a misogynistic pig who thinks it’s a woman’s job to look after the kids and women shouldn’t dare to have outside interests.
Either way, this needs nipping in the bud immediately

Sounds like he's just fed up of the relentless monotony of having small kids (I.e., never having a lazy morning in). But we all know that that passes, and we also know to try and revel in the joys of it, because it does pass so quickly. That old saying, the days are long but the years are short is of so true.

Not sure what the answer is here, but sorry he's snapped at you. It's not your fault and not for you to fix.

I never said the onus was on OP to fix it. I said they should have a calm rational conversation and see what is bothering him and whether compromise is possible.

I love the way posters are all over the husband for speaking out of turn while they start a turf war against each other guessing what may have happened long after op has vanished.

What is wrong with men? If (as so many people are suggesting) he's just tired of the relentless monotony of small kids then 1 he should be saying that NOT that he's fed up of the marriage and 2 he should be imagining what it's like for his wife, doing it solo all fucking week.

The man is being a dick whatever way you look at it and either his communication skills are piss poor and he has no appreciation for what his wife does all week or he's quietly lining up another woman.

"the husband for speaking out of turn"

I don't love the way posters here are diminishing the H's behaviour. As a PP said, he threw a verbal bomb that threatens the marriage and that no doubt scared OP. Either that was his intention - so that she does even more of HIS domestic and childcare labour - or he's so immature that he doesn't realise that this is how you kill trust and the relationship.

This verbal bomb is not merely "speaking out of turn".

Does your dh get time to himself too? I can understand his feeling pissed off when he is doing a physically tough full time job in the rain and sledt whilst you guys sit playing n a nice warm house all day. I know looking after 2 small children is working, but its nowhere near as intense as a job

Hold the press, Isittime has spoken.

What age is he?