To have not told my partner

[wondering133]

I recently joined back onto Facebook to use Facebook marketplace. I don't use it for anything else but when I went back on I found I message from my ex from when I was 17 that he sent 6 months ago. The message said he saw me in a dream and so was saying hi... I ignored it and didn't reply..

Just now I left my phone out on the table and my partner saw that someone's story had come up on my notifications ... the picture was of a different guy and my partner questioned me about it.. I explained why I was on facebook but he said he wanted to see my messages.. so I showed him and he saw the message and is now fuming..

He said it's shady that I didn't tell him and it shows the kind of person I am... maybe I should have told him about the message but my partner is quite jealous and I saw no good in it.... he thinks I now might be having some kind of affair ... should I be apologising for not telling him?

Apologise to your self that you haven't dumped his stupid arse.

You ignored it and didn't reply - it was a non-event. You don't need to tell your partner about non-events. Don't apologise because he will see it as legitimisation that he is in the right - and he isn't. I honestly couldn't be in a relationship with someone with jealousy who jumped to such stupid conclusions. It is such a destructive emotion.

Why should you apologise? You’ve done nothing wrong.

Though why you’re choosing to be in a relationship with a jealous twat who thinks it’s fine to look through your phone so he can scream accusations at you is beyond me

i told him I had done nothing wrong and he same 'shame on you' and 'what a low bar you have set'

👆nailed it

Yes you have set a low bar - in men! Honestly why are you wasting your life on this jealous controlling wanker?

Please say there’s no kids involved?

Unfortunately, in light of your update, I would say this relationship is toxic. Apart from the unnecessary drama and insane jealousy that are about control and not about love, how could you decide whether someone sends you a message? What next, is he going to bar you from going out if someone so much as glances at you outside? He might think he owns you, but please remember he doesn't.

You haven't done anything wrong. You got a message you weren't interested in receiving so you ignored it - just like millions of people all over the world do every day. Who cares if it was from your ex - you're with someone new now and you didn't engage with the message at all. Shame on him for shaming you. What is this 'low bar' exactly? It makes no sense.

He seems nuts

Your partner saw you had been on facebook that you don't usually use, and then insisted on seeing your messages 🚩
He then got angry that you had received a message that you didn't reply to 🚩

I somehow doubt this is the only bad stuff happening in your relationship.

Never a truer word spoken. Not about the FB non-event but about your current relationship.

Raise your bar juuuuuust above your partner’s head.

Pretty much! I hate that SM is used as another tool for partners to control those they're in a relationship with.
Why do you need to report what you do/don't do?

Thankyou everyone... @LadyDanburysHat yes you're right..

he sais I haven't said sorry even though I've been caught 'red handed' and that 'Hiding messages from exes is the definition of dishonesty and disloyalty'

Thankyou so much for your comments everyone.. atleast I know I'm not in the wrong from your all
your views ❤️🙏

And what will you do with that information? Because you're describing a controlling and abusive man who no one should be in a relationship with. It's not fixable.

Do you have any plans to even plan to be able to leave?

Dump him, people like him do not improve.

Urgh, my partner is the same with shit like this. Honestly, it never gets better. If you're in a position to, I would get out before it starts impacting your social and working life too.

'You are right, John. I had clearly set a low bar. Not any longer - so off you fuck. I value myself more than being with a twat who speaks to me like you have just done'.

Would be my response.

We have a 1 year old and I couldn't break up his family and also risk losing him 50%. My partner has made it very clear he would only accept 50% custody..

Tell him to fucking grow up - total non issue. You didn’t respond (that will be very clear!) what an idiot!!

So you’re committing to another 17 years at least of being entirely under this prick’s control?

Why the hell does he think he can read any online interactions you have? And why on earth did you just let him? Do you feel it’s right that you should become less of a person because you have a partner?

This isn’t going to be a good life for you, or for your child.

So you’d rather your child grows up in an abusive one seeing their mum being controlled and belittled by their dad and thinking that’s normal?

Your child will be far better off with 50% custody each, than growing up in a toxic environment. You do know that kids pick up on this and can be affected for life as a result.

I am raging on your behalf. I can only hope that you will be able to get some counselling and/or think it through and make a plan to leave. It's not easy, I know that.

Put your child and yourself first in everything from now on.

Please don't let your son grow up in an abusive household.

He's not wrong there, you have set your bar too low. He is the lowest of the low.

Dump the fucker.

You think he's abusive and it's damaging for the children just by reading that one thing? X