Am i Being unreasonable or is H ?

[DexterMorgansmum]

Hi quick summary, I am 47 work full time, do about 75pc of the cooking, and about 80 pc of the cleaning, we dont use a cleaner and we eat out (mostly takeaways ordered in these days) once a week or ten days only.

H still constantly says I am lazy. He questions any time at all on the telly /netflix or watching podcasts I like or reading my books......z

H works full time too and has over the past few years started a side hustle that is home based that takes up about 10 hours (5+5) on weekends and roughly an hour most evenings weeknights.

I used to be the super active one and was the larger /higher earner by quite a bit for at least 10 of the 20+ years we have been married - in recent years he earns equal plus his side hustle means he exceeds by about 500 Quid a month. He also does the 5 minute drive every morning and evening to get our 15 year old from the station (DS takes public transport to school and back).

I try to keep the peace by just absorbing the constant pokes about my laziness when I am sat with my feet up by 8pm watching telly till I go to sleep around 10 - sometimes I walk the treadmill when I can while watching , after cooking, washing up etc all sorted 5.30 pm to 7pm - but I had a fibroids diagnosis last May and sometimes bleed during the month upto 15 days of the month and it is very heavy - I am getting medication for this. Peri meno is a real thing for me.

last night he was scolding my son for being unproductive over the weekends and just sat around watching anime, Dexter on netflix , etc

I didnt interfere (I know my son could do a bit more with his weekends , but at almost 16, I know that soon he will be old enough to do part time volunteering work at carehomes etc as he wants to do med at uni) - But I couldnt keep quiet when I heard him telling our son that 'your A Grades are the very least you can do , given we send you to an expensive school' when my son reminded his dad he got good grades mostly As. I know for a fact H was a C student for the most part growing up! Anyway rambled on here. But the main Q is as suddenly H at 54 has upped the bar that everyone needs to work 24/7 , am I the lazy one here? He also said I should sit with my teen son and oversee that he is studying every night.

Also could not help mention that if he was contemplating sugar babies or only fans even in passing due to mid life boredom or ageing angst or whatever - to remember that there is no fool like an old fool, and any 25 year old showing any interest would be for the money so she and her young hot bf can go on holiday - he knows I am right

Just replied that I could see the online statements to the account where the side hustle money goes to, going into a separate account for tax purposes only, and that it was all accounted for - if I had such suspicions. But did not reply today either on how the young lady in the video was that he said was porn originally but she was fully clothed and talking

Son and I have dinners and chat during in front of the TV instead of at the dining table on weeknights , he does run up right after though

H is still working at 7pm on weeknights - side hustle and main job both on computer

H and I are sat in the same room /study at different desks wfh though , to keep heating costs to one level of the house , so we do chat on/off during the day about admin etc. It could be better.....

lol

What a sad prick.

He sounds like an absolute prat!
Stop taking the criticism lying down. Tell him that you work hard, in the home and out and you can use your free time as you wish. If he has a problem with it, he can fuck off somewhere else!

Hi op he sounds like a fun sponge there is nothing wrong with watching tv or reading you have worked your hours and you are entitled to chill whatever way you choose as for your ds just say it’s best he’s here than mugging old ladies or doing drugs. He sounds like he’s had a health wake up call and wants you to do the same. I’m glad you spoke to him about it all and when he says it again just say hey h I’ve done my work and the weekend is for what I choose to do with it just because your choosing working extra that’s on you. Also op never underestimate how people can have affairs in the work time the young woman might be the affair or emotional affair as he would rather admit to porn than being honest with you.

How have you not already told him to fuck off?

Tell him that we are human beings not human doings. We all need time to just “be”. Sounds to me like you don’t have loads of time to just be anyway.

Why does he get to tell you what to do? Sounds like he could do with a bit of ‘advice’ himself.

Let's see how he manages work-wise if he has to start pulling his weight around the house.

do you all have to stand to attention when he enters a room, or stand at the end of your bed for inspection in the morning! He sounds bloody awful, yiu deserve to relax, everyone does, he sounds like a nutjob

That was my second thought.

My first thought was to remember how you would.have behaved before you married him and remind yourself you don't need this shit and act accordingly.

I'm not necessarily saying leave hi. Mid-GCSE year but it wont hurt to remember that you had options before him and you can do better than a piece of shit that wants to put you down. You wouldn't tolerate than from a boyfriend so don't accept it from a husband.

Take you son out to dinner, get away from DH. The less you're there the time he can pick at you both. When you're reading, leave the room and go somewhere else. When you go food shopping, take your book and spend an hour in the cafe.

No, it's not ideal, but it will boost your self worth to withdraw and be away from him while he is being a pain in the arse and this plays out over the GCSE year. It's temporary until.you figure our where you want to go with the miserable bastard and claims back some power.

He sounds like a loser but as an aside sugar is not what you need for energy. It really is toxic. I work with many physicians who won’t touch it.

Tell him you are going to split cooking and cleaning 50% so you have energy and time for a hobby.

Yeah you need him either doing his share of the housework or coughing up a share of his side hustle cash. Slavery has been dead a while mate why you doing it??

as soon as back from a winter holiday that we have had booked months ago

Sorely this holiday is going to be a very unhappy affair for everyone? Will your son be going too?

Or to just sit and chill

if you say this, I reckon that he will hold it against you if you don’t decide to full your free time with a hobby!

Good point. He just sounds like an arse!

Oh my, sorry to read you're all living like this. No you're not lazy.

Oh my, sorry to read you're all living like this. No you're not lazy.