Would you be disappointed in your child for breaking off an engagement?

[daisychainxoxo]

Context: I want to end my 6 year relationship. We got engaged last year but haven’t done any wedding planning. There’s no major issue like cheating or abuse but I’m just not happy at all. It’s just been lots of little things that have built up resentment over time and I feel like there’s nothing left in the relationship that’s serving me or bringing me joy. He misses the mark on all of the little things that are important but will offer ‘grand gestures’ that look impressive to the outside i.e. buying a specific engagement ring I had jokingly wanted since I was around 10 as I didn’t ever imagine it would be realistic.
My parents both love him and obviously see the big gestures and think he’s amazing. I haven’t divulged any of the smaller issues because I didn’t want it to taint anything if we did stay together which is a regret now.
I am partly holding on to the relationship for fear that my parents are going to be disappointed and upset with me for doing it. I don’t know how to begin to tell them why I’ve made the decision without sounding petty for bringing up lots of little things after breaking it off.

Looking for advice from parents of adult children on how you would handle it if this was your child.

I’d be relieved they did so rather than married with doubt. I’d love them regardless even if they didn’t turn up for the wedding but calling it off earlier rather than later seems like a good plan.

Not one tiny bit, I would be relieved you didn’t marry the wrong person.

I would 100% back my child. It’s their life to live as they choose.

God end it. I don’t have adult children yet but I can’t imagine being with my now dh for the 15 years we’ve been together if either of us felt like you do. We have children and when they were born it almost broke us, you need someone on the same page as you- and you need to be happy. I’m guessing you’re in your 20s, you cannot spend another 60 years this way!

I would be really proud if you did realising you didn’t want to spend your life with them.
don’t waste your time worrying what other people think!!!

No darling, I would support you in doing what's right for you.

All I want is for my son to be happy, his partner is great but I would support my son if he left the relay for any reason at all. Life is too short to be in an unhappy relationship.

God no, I’d be proud of them for walking away from something that wasn’t working.

Not a parent - but you must know yourself that if someone you loved came to you and said 'im not happy, im breaking up with Xxx' then you wouldnt try to convince them to stay in something that makes them unhappy unless you had ulterior motives - such as things not changing for YOU. And sometimes the people who love us dont have our best interests at heart, even if they think they do - we can all be misguided at times. Follow your gut, OP. Your parents wont have to live with the regret but you will - your gut is telling you you need to get out. Listen to it.

I would be immensely proud of you for having the courage to do so.

I’d be delighted and proud of them even if I didn’t understand.

Di you have to justify your decision to them? Could you just say that you’re not ready to talk about it, and that you have realised that it’s the small things that matter, not the grand gestures.

I'd be sad for you both. I might be surprised (in your particular situation) but would totally support you because it's better than a shit marriage and because I know my child wouldn't be making this decision lightly, it would be for good reason.

Id be proud of you for being brave and not going along with marrying the wrong person. Choose yourself, choose a path that makes you happy. I chooose the wrong person and its not easy 20 years later!

I would be more disappointed if they married the wrong person because they thought my (imagined) opinion on their partner was more important than their happiness

I’d be very proud of you for having the courage to do it.

Nope.

better now than after the wedding.

Of course not. I'd be disappointed if they went ahead and got married if they were having doubts.

Time to leave. Think carefully about your future plans, as a parent it's good to know your DC have put some thought in and have a plan even if it changes.

As a caring parent you are only as happy as your unhappiest child. Sounds silly but it's true. Your parents may well have noticed that you have not been yourself lately or they may well have picked up on comments you have made or things you have said to them just generally.

They will want you to be happy. If he is not making you happy then you need to leave the relationship. They will be proud that you have made a difficult decision when sometimes it would be easier to stay. Your parents disapproval or disappointment should not be a reason you should even consider not breaking up with him. Just tell them.

ens the engagement. If you were my dd, I’d support you regardless.

I'm a parent and, like most of the PP, I would be supportive and relieved if my child had the strength to break off an engagement. For any reason at any time. Your gut is telling you this isn't right. Your parents aren't marrying him and neither should you.

DD broke up with her BF last year, they were only togther a year but we had known him since he was born (his dad and DH are childhood friends). When they got together our whole friendship group was delighted and when she dumped him it caused a bit of tension and I suppose I was a bit disappointed as I felt he was good for her and we enjoyed spending time with him
BUT when DD opened up to me I felt that she haad dfinitely done the right thing rather than the easy thing and I was proud of her.

Who cares what they think.. break it off now rather than in 5 years time when you have a mortgage, overdraft, two kids and hate each other.
This is your life, if it's not right then end the relationship.

I would be disappointed if my child was unhappy and there was something they could do to be happy. I think my kids friends are great but that’s because my kids like them. Disappointment isn’t the thing it is more as a parent I want to fix it and make them happy ( but you can’t do that as that’s not how life works). Your parents will be fine, you can’t live your life happily by trying to make everyone else happy. This man is not for you, there will be other people better for both of you. If your parents can’t support you then that makes them poor parents. Our job is to raise our children to make their own lives.

I’d be glad. Seen too many people go ahead just because of the pressure not to break it off, fear of upsetting parents. They should be glad you’ve got the strength to do what you know is right for you.

I’d probably be disappointed and upset for myself if I really liked them, but I’d still support my child 100%. You can’t continue being in a relationship if it’s not right.