Would you be disappointed in your child for breaking off an engagement?

[daisychainxoxo]

Context: I want to end my 6 year relationship. We got engaged last year but haven’t done any wedding planning. There’s no major issue like cheating or abuse but I’m just not happy at all. It’s just been lots of little things that have built up resentment over time and I feel like there’s nothing left in the relationship that’s serving me or bringing me joy. He misses the mark on all of the little things that are important but will offer ‘grand gestures’ that look impressive to the outside i.e. buying a specific engagement ring I had jokingly wanted since I was around 10 as I didn’t ever imagine it would be realistic.
My parents both love him and obviously see the big gestures and think he’s amazing. I haven’t divulged any of the smaller issues because I didn’t want it to taint anything if we did stay together which is a regret now.
I am partly holding on to the relationship for fear that my parents are going to be disappointed and upset with me for doing it. I don’t know how to begin to tell them why I’ve made the decision without sounding petty for bringing up lots of little things after breaking it off.

Looking for advice from parents of adult children on how you would handle it if this was your child.

I wish my daughter had broken hers off. He was never the right one and we could all see that. I think she saw it too but ploughed on regardless. They are divorced now. Please live your life for yourself, not for your parents.

I want my child to be happy. I broke off a relationship in my early twenties. Hard at the time but absolutely the right decision.

I'd be more disappointed if either of my adult kids didn't end a relationship they were not happy in. Life is too short to sign up to a marriage that wouldn't make you happy.

I think the most important consideration, far and above what your parents think, is what you think.

Frankly, even if your parents are distraught at the idea of you changing your mind, you definitely shouldn't marry someone you don't really want to. It's your life - not your parents'. Their feelings are entirely irrelevant here.

I’d be proud of them. Especially since when I was in your position I went through with it and ruined mine and my future kids lives 😏

Another one to say I’d support my child wholeheartedly and would wrap my arms around her - so would the extended family. As elders we would understand how hard it must have been to reach that decision and would support you in this. I would never want any of my kids to go forth with lukewarm feelings about any relationship. If your heart isn’t in it - close the door and put your own oxygen mask on first. Sending you a hug x

Absolutely end it before children come onto the scene!!

Your happiness would be the most important thing for me. I'd be proud that you have the maturity to not continue in a relationship that isn't right for you.
No judgement, just lots of love and support would be coming your way.

My mum always told me 'Engagements are made to be broken'.

In other words, that's the 'make your mind up period'.

It's nothing to do with your parents anyway.

Better to get out now and definitely before the arrival of children.
No wouldn't be disappointed you have to do what's right for you.

Not disappointed. I’d be proud they knew their own mind enough to know when it wasn’t right.

@daisychainxoxo you don’t have to explain yourself to your parents - they should support you regardless of the details. I’m sure they might be disappointed FOR you but they won’t be disappointed in you as a person?

I wouldn't want my children to stay in a relationship where they're not happy, especially not because they were worried about upsetting me. I might feel sad if I liked their partner but I would keep that to myself. I just want my children to be happy and I trust that they are able to make their own decisions.

I’d be sad but not disappointed in my son. It’s a very brave move and I’d much rather he called it off before the wedding.

No not at all.

I don't think I would be hugely surprised after a 6 year engagement. That already indicates to me that there is a problem (unless there is a really good reason why you have been engaged so long)

I would want my child to live a life that makes them happy

OP, so much better to break off an engagement than to get divorced further down the line. All any parent wants is for their DC to be happy - clearly you are not happy in this relationship. You get married because you feel this person is your life partner, not to please your parents. I suspect they’d be mortified if they knew your hesitation to break it off was because of them.

I would be really upset if my child ever considered going through with a wedding she wasn’t sure about, because of fears about my reaction.

Your parents will want what is best for you and whilst they may like him based on what they’ve seen, I’m sure they will acknowledge that you know the relationship far better.

The last thing I would want is for my daughter to proceed with a marriage she didn't want for the sake of my feelings. It's your life, live it as your own not your parents.

No.

My mum suggested it the night before the wedding. I declined and have regretted it fur 20 years. Massive bonus of my gorgeous children though!!!

If they don't respect you enjoy to know that this is the right thing for you to do, they are failing as parents.

I think it's a very brave thing to do.

I would support you. No one wants you marrying someone who's not right for you.

When I got divorced (after 25 years), I was worried that my parents wouldn't be supportive because they really loved my exH - but even though I'd never complained about him to them they could see that there were issues, and they were far more accepting and supportive than I'd feared.

Please just break up with him and don't waste your life or his.

If I was your parent that is what I'd tell you.

I don’t know how your parents would or will react, but really that doesn’t really matter. It’s you who would be getting married, not them and if it’s not right now, then I think it’s brave of you to admit that and be prepared to walk away.

So many marriages don’t make it. If you’re not standing at the starting line without any doubts, then the odds are even more against you. Follow your instinct on this regardless of what others think.

I literally have just had a phone call with my youngest who was recently engaged (7 year relationship) and they've parted ways

He didn't go into detail and I didn't ask. I told him that I loved him and that if he wants to come home for a couple of days then he just turns up and we take it from there

I adore his partner, but if it wasn't working and they weren't happy then they did the right thing however heartbreaking it is at the time

My parents were disappointed and asked if I’d done the right thing. Then when they met my new partner a year later (now husband) it all clicked and they realised how happy I was. It takes a lot of guts to end an engagement, it was the best thing I ever did.