I found this in my bed.

[Bugsandbeds]

I found this in my bed. It was under the duvet cover on my side when I got home from work this other day. I'm married. Husband works from home.

I know what I think it is but I just can't believe it.

Could it be something other than a condom wrapper? I've convinced myself it's off something else, some sort of other packet.

Agree with needing evidence. He will simply gaslight you and make you feel mad or stupid if you only have that scrap of a wrapper (it's definitely a condom).
My first fiance did this to me with my friend from work. In our bed. I even smelled her hair oil on my pillow and commented on it. The next morning while I got ready for work he quickly changed the sheets for the first time ever...he suddenly started doing his own laundry, asked how she was (she'd just broken up with her fiance funnily enough), started to want to try new foods and get "fit"...it is all so very predictable I'm afraid. Mortifying and you'll spend years overthinking and unpicking it is you are anything like me. Mine was discovered when she actually dropped several hints while drunk, I confronted him and then he finally admitted it a full 4 months after I first asked. It had been going on for 6 months before that. They really will literally shit on their own doorstep given a willing woman.

I’d just say “I know you brought someone here and slept with them. You have 1 minute to explain” and then say nothing else and just wait for him to start shitting himself.

What if he's paid a sex worker, ..Seems very risky to bring a mistress to your bed. All a bit odd. I suppose there is an outside chance hes had a shag elsewhere and brought the bits home in his pocket or something by mistake.

My husband got a personal trainer and attended the gym 3 nights a week.
Lost over a stone in weight very quickly.
I now know that was 6months into what turned into a 4.5 year affair.

Do you have any teens in the house that could have borrowed your bed while you were out?

Oh I see, only 5 and 12, so hopefully not.

There are many stories which could allude to this. practice, fetish, plans, etc.

In my experience, this is a really good way to be accused of paranoia, stress, damaging the marriage with your mistrust, etc, etc. I was too attached to the moral high ground to snoop (in either marriage) but I bloody would now, and I'd do it efficiently. The little motion-activated Tapo cameras are always on offer at Amazon. I doubt many men would notice an extra thingy on a hallway shelf, as long as it isn't in their direct line of sight.

I agree that, once this process has started, the relationship's over in its previous form, and probably is dead in the water. The person who killed it is the one who originally left you in such a state of doubt - not you, the sucker whose world is crumbling around you while you wonder what to do.

The moral high ground's a cold and windy place, where you sit in splendid isolation as someone you love tunnels away beneath your feet. FWIW, the only good thing XH2 did for me was succeed in convincing me I was crazy and needed therapy! The therapist cured my desperation to be seen as 'nice' by those who would take the piss.

I don’t know whether anyone has mentioned this idea but could he have been demonstrating it to your 12 year old? Assuming he’s a boy. They do have sex ed with cucumbers and condoms in years 8-9.

Yes, it's absolutely natural to demonstrate condom use to a child while in your bed 🤔

Good grief 😂

It’s a stretch I agree😀.

I know it is a sign when he’s all nicely nicely, losing weight, looking after himself. I have first hand experience of that. Sorry op.

It’s a sex worker - if he’s has the snip as you say he’s got no other reason to wear a condom.

so you do need to go through his phone OP

Even if he’s presented with evidence he will deny it. Women can themselves mad trying to find evidence to prove to their husband they know they’re having an affair.

What OP needs to do is to decide in herself whether she thinks he really is. For that she does need to go through his phone, through his email, et cetera, but it’s to convince him that she knows, it’s just so that she knows in her own mind.

It might not be discussed here but it is on some other internet forums.
I have read men say they prefer to use them because of easy clean up.

They go for the exxy brands though; Skyn has a good rep apparently.

Yikes don't get those two packets mixed up. Sure way to ruin a pot noodle. Or to mess up contraception.
My first thought was covid test packet but not based on the picture of the other side.

Just ask him.

I work in sexual health and the rings women do to avoid the obvious that their partner is cheating is bonkers- even when literally diagnosed with an STI people will often make excuses.

you found a condom wrapper in your bed. This is not the time to feel guilty for checking his phone. If it was a friend what advice would you be giving? Because I’d b saying a) look for evidence, b) get your finances sorted, c) get yourself STI screened and d) prepare for the worst. Men don’t randomly start having a ‘posh wank’ one day.

Happened to me. Had lots of photos of my family in the bedroom. I believe he didn’t put them away and it didn’t bother her. Was his loss.

Take your time to decide what to do. You have power knowing this and because (presumably) he doesn’t know you know. If he’s likely to deny it, or the full extent of it, or explain things away, more evidence may help you mentally.

Best to make your move once the emotion’s subsided and you can make more reasoned decisions. Agree with others, when you confront him, don’t let him know what evidence you have, so it’s harder for him to lie/explain away.

Do you have any neighbours you can trust, e.g. women who live alone who won’t say anything to him?

My ex swung between being lovely and horrible to me during his final affair.

He is NOT going to admit it OP, your options are to kick him out or try to get evidence.

PP on here saying 'just ask him' haven't got a clue.

My ex lied and lied even when there was evidence.

'I can't look through his phone and don't really want to, if he hasn't done anything wrong then this would be a massive breach of trust. I know that might sound crazy to some people but I do have my own morals.'

Change your way of thinking, it isn't anything to do with morals it would just be a quick ajd easy way of gaining reassurance or confirming suspicions.

Look at the secure folder too. If nothing amiss, draw a line and move on and put it down to a strange bit of wrapper of no consequence but if it is a clue then you absolutely need to snoop.

Yes exactly the majority have definitely not been in a similar situation… they don’t just give you a full PPE of what they’ve been doing when you ask them 😂

This sounds awful OP and obviously you need to plan, make sure you have support and look after yourself. Just checking though. How old is your bed? Could it have been stuck in the bed frame for ages or anything?

He will deny it! If he has the temerity to bring another woman in OPs marital bed. Many men would deny it and start calling the woman crazy.

Do not ask him OP!