I found this in my bed.

[Bugsandbeds]

I found this in my bed. It was under the duvet cover on my side when I got home from work this other day. I'm married. Husband works from home.

I know what I think it is but I just can't believe it.

Could it be something other than a condom wrapper? I've convinced myself it's off something else, some sort of other packet.

I just want to comment on your disbelief that he left a condom wrapper in the bed. I used to be friends with a middle-aged male, serial adulterer (I didn't know his wife). He was found out because he left intimate photos of him and his 'lover' in the marital bedside table drawer. Men really are that fucking stupid.

But are you going to ask him about it?

I'm so sorry to hear this 😢
Most surely feel you should let him know what you've found-Unless of course, you're fearful for your safety in any way - I'm praying for you & to have the strength to deal with this extremely upsetting experience 💚🙏💚

My mother discovered my father’s most recent affair when showing some friends and family
members photos of her 50th birthday holiday on his laptop, and scrolled though to naked pictures of his ap
men really are thick as shit sometimes

Yep read the room OP how
much more proof do you need . I’m at a loss to understand how he didnt put it on the side table etc when unwrapping how did it end up down the bed on your side ? Thick doesn’t cover it ! You need to put it on the table say nothing and watch his reaction

Happened to my friend too. For years ! For her it was the most upsetting thing about the whole affair, that they’d been having sex together in her bed.

Him having the snip doesn't make any difference. It's probably her who is insisting on using the condoms. I certainly would't be having unprotected sex just because someone told me they'd had the snip.

So my working assumption would be that he has shagged someone in your bed. It is just about remotely possible that he wore a condom to wank into, but I have heard this theory a lot over the years and on no occasion I have heard it has it ultimately been true.

I would not challenge him at this stage. I would be looking for further proof and evidence. Checking his phone if you have access and looking in to setting up a covert camera in the bedroom (had a friend that did this successfully).

I would also be making sure I understood where all the money was, including all savings and pension pots and I would hold an initial solicitor meeting. Move only when all your ducks are aligned.

100% red flags with him being extra nice and also working out/losing weight. The change in self care was something my ex did. Lost loads of weight and was obsessed with diet and exercise. He has having an affair with a woman at his work who was 20 years his junior.

Lol..I.was JUST about to say ' Maybe he was having a posh/ luxury hand shandy ' 😆..
No actually I really feel for her and guess she's feeling very confused ,weird though..Sounds odd but I.wonder if it had blown ( pardon the expression) lol into the front garden and her husband had just picked it up to put in the bin and it's fallen out..I.know I'm clutching at straws there just looking for the best case scenario.
.Hey when I.lived in Brighton & Hove in two occasions in the gutter outside our house in a very posh road I had to put two d1ldos in the bin within a week ,I.reckon they'd liked a hole in the bin bag & escaped lol.

I'll probably get pelters here but....Posh wank might be very unlikely but not impossible! I find it weird everyone on this thread is adamant it's not a thing when surely we all know that anything goes for some people! Hell, I even tried it once. Not for me but each time their own . That's not to say I'm suggesting it's the case here because I don't know enough about the situation outside this thread.

This is a condom wrapper 100%.

Chris watts did the same when he had his affair. Started working out more, going for long hikes etc.

He'll undoubtedly use the posh wank excuse. My ex did when I found an open half empty box of condoms stashed behind the bedside table. That wasn't the first excuse though. First he denied even having them. Then he claimed he'd confiscated them from some kids at a party he was facilitating (they'd apparently broken into a condom machine in the toilets. That excuse didn't really hold up with a 12 box of Tesco condoms 🤔). Then came the posh wank spiel. Turned out he was at it while I was in hospital having treatment for cancer. These men really do think we're stupid. It doesn't look good, OP. I'm sorry 😔

Get a ring doorbell at your front door and a ring camera on your drive. And make sure you are the one in charge of the app.

^ if you want him to stop bringing OW into your home.

or. If you want to catch him at it. Get one of those clocks or Teddy’s on your bedside table that has a hidden camera which only starts recording when there is movement.

start collecting evidence. And getting your ducks in a row. If he is that arrogant that he is shagging OW in your bed, then you will need to LTB.

if he is having a posh wank then at least you know!!!

Can I just say for the people saying "who would do it in the marital bed" plenty of men would. I've had 2 seperate guys (one I didn't know was in a relationship and the other one told me it was over) invite me over for sex in their bed.

That or its fallen out his pocket

Id do a bit of research before confronting him. You need more proof. He could make anything up id you just confront him wirh it. Hoerivle as it is, you ahould do a bit of spying

Having had a cheating ex h myself and trying to excuse or explain away my discoveries .

One thingI learned is “if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it’s a duck”

he’s had sex in your bed or at the very least sex somewhere else and the wrapper has dropped out of his pocket - I’m sorry OP 😞

I just don't understand why you don't just hand him the wrapper and just say I know what this is and what you were doing. This is your only chance to come clean. If you don't have trust then you have nothing. If I didn't feel I could talk to my DH that in itself would mean I should divorce him. All the tying up in knots and playing detective just makes things worse and prolongs the truth coming out. Would you really want to stay with someone who you can't talk to? If you are suspicious then you know something is wrong. Talk to your DH and get your answers.

He’s hardly that stupid !
Obviously he didn’t want to make a mess & used a condom having a play himself .
I’m sure if he was cheating , he’d be a bit more careful & lot leave condom wrapper at your side of the bed .
Think about this logically please OP ..

But he could lie and she would be even more confused. I get what you mean about honesty but sadly i really think in cases like this you need hard evidence.

That must have felt like a punch to the stomach finding that. When your gut tells you something, you usually know the truth, even if your brain tries to find any other explanation. I think the only way through this is to figure out your next steps calmly and not try to face this alone

Actually, if her H is having an affair, and OP asks him if he is, he is very likely to lie about it.

On the other hand, people who’ve been through this with their H might have signs/clues to share with op.

So I hope you now understand why just asking her partner is not actually going to help op. If he isn’t cheating, he’ll say he isn’t. If he is cheating, he’ll still say he isn’t.

The internet is of far more use

I agree. You need evidence.

Totally get why you’re spiraling—lots of things look like condom foils:

• Single-use lens/antibacterial wipe packets, energy-gel tabs, earplug/desiccant sachet wrappers.
• Checks: serrated square edges, lot/brand print, and any lubricant smell/greasy film (condom foils often have it).

Practical next steps: snap a clear photo, compare to images of condom foils vs. wipe packets; then ask your husband calmly, “What is this?” and match the answer to details (brand, where it came from, timing). If trust or safety becomes an issue, start a simple log (date, what happened) and consider boundaries/next-steps. Plain-English guides (not legal advice): https://bestlawyersinunitedstates.com/