I found this in my bed.

[Bugsandbeds]

I found this in my bed. It was under the duvet cover on my side when I got home from work this other day. I'm married. Husband works from home.

I know what I think it is but I just can't believe it.

Could it be something other than a condom wrapper? I've convinced myself it's off something else, some sort of other packet.

Oh I get that- lots of people pack bags on the bed- in my case we hadn't used a condom for about two years as we'd been trying for a baby. I'd probably gauge a lot from my sixth sense and the reaction of my partner. My husband once had a similar query when a pair of mens boxer shorts that weren't his had been put away in his drawer, which looked bad until we finally worked out must have been my stepfathers from when we stayed at my mums- I think maybe left behind in her washing machine between loads!

I think we have confirmed its defo a condom wrapper by now

This. Far better than lying or constructing elaborate electronic surveillance systems.

I'd be tempted to put it back under the duvet but on his side of he bed, then go to bed at the same time and see what he does. If he hides it, then you'd know.

I agree with pp’s that said to not say anything just yet. Quietly make plans behind the scenes for divorce (if that is indeed what you would do should he be cheating) and bide your time. I’d get a ring type doorbell installed. His reaction to it will probably give the game away. There’s sneakier things you could do with cameras within the home I should think. It doesn’t look good though. I’m sure it’s all very vexing for you.

My guess would be that whatever happened was elsewhere, and it was stuck to his foot.

Just go to change the bedding and ask him outright what it is. His reaction will tell you everything you need to know.

She has two small children to consider.
It's not a matter of just flouncing away as you can do if you are childless.

I’m very sorry to hear about this. I suspect it’ll be incredibly difficult to find the truth out if you tip him off in any way. I don’t think you can make decisions about ending the marriage etc without facts so I would be putting all my energy into finding that out and in these circumstances I would consider the need to look at his phone entirely justifiable. I would also look at bank spending if you can and if needs be set up a camera in hallway. You need facts before you make decisions on future. It is hugely suspicious and enough evidence already when coupled with weight loss, running friend etc to warrant you taking unusual steps.

Well l’m not childless and I’d ask him directly.

I’m not suggesting she should make any big decisions, but I think going straight to the source and talking like an adult is better than spiralling or playing detective, that would send anyone crazy. Spending days searching for something that potentially isnt there and/or getting your ducks in a row is pointless if the entire situation is something you imagined instead of asked about 🫠

I am sorry you find yourself in this position, you sound a little in denial which is normal, I think the fact he is mentioning the ow’s problems to you means they Are already emotionally intimate. Her marriage sounds like it’s ending and she’s putting a move in your husband. Your husband mentioning her to you is not uncommon for men to mention their affair partner as they are simply so invested, it’s called mentionitis or something like that..

DH-I’ve found the condom wrapper in our bed. I know what that means and we are done. Would you care to have the decency to own up.

and burn your bed

He’s name dropping another women which is one of the main things cheating men do. She’s having a hard time blah blah so he’s been there for her. He knows the ins and outs of her relationship while your own has been suffering, lack of sex etc.

Alarm bells are ringing.

With an ex boyfriend I used to live with - I came home after a few days away to find a long blonde straight hair (not my colour) strategically placed on a black top I had hanging up to dry in the guest bathroom. It had literally been placed in the middle of the top in a straight line so I could not miss it. I realised there was an OW and she was trying to get my attention! These bits of packets on your side of the bed are almost too obvious - I am wondering if someone is trying to get your attention too.

I know this really shouldn’t be a consideration…but as a starting point, is the woman from running attractive, younger, his type?

OP’s mind went straight to condoms. There must be a reason for that.

That could be anything. Why don't you ask him?

It says latex and condom in several languages, and is the same width as one. Not rocket science.

I’d buy a nannycam off Amazon

Its certainly a condom wrapper, the wording on the left is Condom in French

I think we're going round in circles now, it's been established it's a condom wrapper.

Friends DH had an affair, they are divorcing now. Not my sordid details to share but he brazenly lied to her for just over a year and it drove her a bit crackers. I would suggest the neighbour ring doorbell and also camera options plus don’t have sex with him and get a test. Plus balls to the breach of trust, you need to find out being nice about it won’t help you.

If he has having an affair he will just lie, that way lies madness.

I’m sorry. What a shock.

Just a thought. If there is an OW that's placed the wrapper there then is it obvious that it's your side of the bed? Maybe nothing happened in the bed (sorry OP I know this makes it more visual) but she somehow managed to go into your room whilst popping to the toilet and then placed it there.
I wouldn't mention it for now as he'll obviously deny it anyway and up his guard if he having an affair and you'll be in the same position you are now. I'm so sorry OP it's a horrible place to be in. Just keep an eye out. I agree morally about the phone thing but eventually that may be the only way to find out for sure.

I used to be like that and frankly, it doesn’t work. Being the moral one got me cheated on in more than one relationship.

I now have clear expectations of transparency and boundaries and never been happier. It doesn’t actually mean that I’ll snoop, but it’s there for me if I want to check and I won’t feel bad about it.

Men like that take advantage of your honestly because they know you’ll never behave the way they do. Fuck that.