Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I found this in my bed.

617 replies

Bugsandbeds · 21/11/2025 19:52

I found this in my bed. It was under the duvet cover on my side when I got home from work this other day. I'm married. Husband works from home.

I know what I think it is but I just can't believe it.

Could it be something other than a condom wrapper? I've convinced myself it's off something else, some sort of other packet.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
Susiy · 22/11/2025 08:49

JudgeBread · 21/11/2025 19:58

Do any actual real men do this? Because I only ever hear it on here and the only thing I ever hear from men is that condoms feel worse so I don't know that this isn't just a myth perpetuated by people desperate to believe their husband isn't shagging the maid/nanny/postman despite all evidence to the contrary

Show quote history

Judging by the number of men who have children they didn't want, they struggle to put on a condom when they are with a woman let alone when on their own.
I don't buy the posh wank theory for a second.
Definitely self-soothing.

beasmithwentworth · 22/11/2025 08:50

To those who are saying ‘just ask him and you’ll be able to tell by his reaction’

This is not the case in many instances. To have carried on an affair or even if it was just a one off, the amount of plotting and subterfuge that has already gone on is big. Lying and thinking quickly are already part of their MO and they can come back in lightening speed with something completely ‘plausible’ and then just turn their back or get distracted with something else in the room, change the subject with scary efficiency giving nothing away.

OP your head must be all over the place this morning and you have had so much conflicting advice - which is not surprising as we are are a huge cross section of women who have all had different experiences and different lives.

How are you doing today? I hope you managed to get some sleep

RightSheSaid · 22/11/2025 08:51

Thunderpants88 · 22/11/2025 02:50

“Bullship”

I love this.

permission to quote you?

Show quote history
Cant See Ken Jeong GIF by nounish ⌐◨-◨

I should have gone to specsavers lol

shdb · 22/11/2025 08:58

look through his phone or set up some sort of camera that he doesn’t know about.

shdb · 22/11/2025 08:58

Or turn up at home randomly during work

Susiy · 22/11/2025 09:05

Redruby2020 · 22/11/2025 08:29

It looks like a condom wrapper, but i thought from the length, unless it just looks bigger in the pic, that it looks too big. But then it says ‘1 preservative’ well can see the beginning of the word, but on the left, the end of that word. Which preservative to me from what I knew, is what I have heard someone say, for a condom. Which it must be called in other countries maybe.

Show quote history

Preservatif means condom in French - nothing to do with canned preservatives.

DoubleShotEspressox · 22/11/2025 09:25

It’s irrefutable what that is.

Secret camera, check the bins, check phone, car, see a solicitor, check bank statements (in case it is an escort).

I’m so sorry op, you must be reeling. Whether in your bed or not (for it to turn up under your duvet it’s likely it has happened in your bed) he has cheated.

Give him enough rope to hang himself, do your digging, and then destroy him. Find your anger and move on to a happier more peaceful life without that piece of shit who has no respect for you.

Twirlyhockey · 22/11/2025 09:28

Fiddlesticks357 · 22/11/2025 01:10

Am I stating the obvious but has OP checked in (all) the bins for a condom? It won't necessarily prove hes cheating but would clear up once and for all if the wrapper was a condom and also could put him on the spot with it and see his reaction. He might have been clever and hid it well but unlikely if hes left the wrapper in the bed.. Just a thought.

This is a good idea. Where is the rest of the condom??

I am also thinking about how easily little bits of wrappers get left in bags and so on. For example-

DH needs to find something in a bag that was last used for a trip away a few years ago - gets it out and looks on the bed, tiny bit of wrapper falls onto unmade bed. Duvet gets pulled up later.

DH is alone in the house and wants to have a wank using some sex toys - gets that discreet bag with those handcuffs and vibrator you used to use together, out from the top of the wardrobe, gets out a cock ring, bit of condom falls out.

Either of those could happen in our house!

lolly427 · 22/11/2025 09:30

I still think that you should ask him if he knows what it is and ask all innocently like you've no idea what it's from OP.

If there's any reasonable explanation then he'll tell you. Anything else and you know he's a liar and something's going on.

BinNightTonight · 22/11/2025 09:33

Oh bless you, what a thing to find.

Pearlmaster500 · 22/11/2025 09:41

StarlightLady · 22/11/2025 05:22

OP, do you have teenage children? If so, they may have “borrowed” your bed. It happens.

No OP said they are 5 and 12 so definitely not.. I’m pretty sure if it’s not her or her kids etc it’s her husband

Cant imagine the dog walker using a clients bed for a quick bunk up either that would be seriously odd

Pearlmaster500 · 22/11/2025 09:42

OP have you started to do any snooping?

Pearlmaster500 · 22/11/2025 09:44

lolly427 · 22/11/2025 09:30

I still think that you should ask him if he knows what it is and ask all innocently like you've no idea what it's from OP.

If there's any reasonable explanation then he'll tell you. Anything else and you know he's a liar and something's going on.

Realistically, If she says anything he will stop being sloppy because he will know she’s seen it and could be suspicious (if he is doing something) then she will never catch him. OP I don’t think you should mention a peep till you’ve done some investigations

Susiy · 22/11/2025 09:48

lolly427 · 22/11/2025 09:30

I still think that you should ask him if he knows what it is and ask all innocently like you've no idea what it's from OP.

If there's any reasonable explanation then he'll tell you. Anything else and you know he's a liar and something's going on.

What would you consider a reasonable explanation for a used condom package in the marriage bed that was not used when his wife was with him?

Mildorado · 22/11/2025 09:49

Is it really necessary to "catch" him, or trap him in this way? In all honesty I would think that's an outlay of time, money and effort, and certainly not good for your mental health.
You've had a lot of advice on here, OP. However, you'll need to work out whether or not you want this marriage to continue.

StarlightLady · 22/11/2025 09:49

@Pearlmaster500 - My apologies, l missed that about the children's ages.

Thegreatbigzebraintheroom · 22/11/2025 09:50

Just from your posts along he is not a good husband and hasn’t been for years. Damn if he’s not a nice person, he is not your friend, he’s really not a nice person or father.

I would just state- I want a divorce. Therapy isn’t working but your gaslighting did - it doesn’t any more. I know you have are / have had sex with other women - you need to leave now and then we can have an amicable divorce. Right now. I don’t want to discuss it or work on it. I would say it low and quietly. If you have got a supportive family - I would get the children out to a friend and then have a family member there solely for support but actually agree with them before hand just to not say anything and back you 100%, if you think he will kick off.

If you think he will storm off good or that he will go - I’d do it alone and make sure children are out.

if he denies it, blusters or anything. No - you are liar and a cheat.

and then repeat. I wouldn’t discuss what I had found or anything. Let him ponder that- it will drive him bonkers.

I found years ago from my ex husband a bill for a mobile phone in the burn pile in the log burner. It wasn’t for my number or my husbands but was in his name. He had his own bank account. I took at picture.

3 days later whilst he was working in his study with my phone on charge next to him so it couldn’t be me as I only had a mobile, I had a friend ring it from a withheld number (her phone) I went to her house to make the call. He answered - it was 100% him. I didn’t say a word. Put the phone down.

I sat on it for 2 months.

A few months later (6 months plus later) separation and divorce filed (other reasons) I remember him saying ‘ring me later’ and me replying on which phone shall I ring you. He blustered and ducked and dived and said

I only have one phone - he was white as a sheet.

I said - no you don’t. You have more than one and you’ve had it for a long time (!) and you thought I didn’t know, bless you.

He then got angry and denied it. And wouldn’t let it drop.

Then he admitted it and wanted to know how I knew and would not let it drop.

Still over 12 years later he doesn’t know how I knew.

You can keep your own counsel.

Honestly just don’t engage. It took me nearly 40 years to realise if someone is abusive, a narcissist or a cheat and lies - you can not negotiate with them, you can not believe them, your relationship is over and dead. Totally dead in the water.

lashy · 22/11/2025 10:12

@marvellousmonsters sorry, I could've sworn the OP responded to someone else earlier saying her DH would've switched it off if he was expecting a visitor - but I did't scroll right back to double check. My mistake.

Original poster
Bugsandbeds · 22/11/2025 10:15

I can't look through his phone and don't really want to, if he hasn't done anything wrong then this would be a massive breach of trust. I know that might sound crazy to some people but I do have my own morals.

Did find the running woman on FB but nothing but private profile, few photos of them at running events but there's also other people in the photos. I just can't see him bringing someone into the house but stranger things have happened I suppose. The bit of wrapping was on my side of the bed, on the sheet/under the duvet and the bedding had definitely not been changed or washed.

Nothing in our bedroom that would suggest anything untoward. His home office is in our room.

I can't just pop home from work in the day so that's not an option.

He's acting just as normal, all nicey nice, which has increased a lot lately.....could that be a sign? A sign of guilt maybe? The increased working out/loosing a bit of weight.

OP posts:
MellowPinkDeer · 22/11/2025 10:18

FFS OP just tell him what you found and ask for his explanation. Then go from there.

78e22387FFGH · 22/11/2025 10:19

MellowPinkDeer · 22/11/2025 10:18

FFS OP just tell him what you found and ask for his explanation. Then go from there.

100%

Why not show him it and ask?

Mildorado · 22/11/2025 10:20

MellowPinkDeer · 22/11/2025 10:18

FFS OP just tell him what you found and ask for his explanation. Then go from there.

This. Please just ask him.

Aluna · 22/11/2025 10:20

Bugsandbeds · 22/11/2025 10:15

I can't look through his phone and don't really want to, if he hasn't done anything wrong then this would be a massive breach of trust. I know that might sound crazy to some people but I do have my own morals.

Did find the running woman on FB but nothing but private profile, few photos of them at running events but there's also other people in the photos. I just can't see him bringing someone into the house but stranger things have happened I suppose. The bit of wrapping was on my side of the bed, on the sheet/under the duvet and the bedding had definitely not been changed or washed.

Nothing in our bedroom that would suggest anything untoward. His home office is in our room.

I can't just pop home from work in the day so that's not an option.

He's acting just as normal, all nicey nice, which has increased a lot lately.....could that be a sign? A sign of guilt maybe? The increased working out/loosing a bit of weight.

As if a condom wrapper in the bed wasn’t potentially a massive breach of trust.

CunningLinguist2 · 22/11/2025 10:22

Bugsandbeds · 22/11/2025 10:15

I can't look through his phone and don't really want to, if he hasn't done anything wrong then this would be a massive breach of trust. I know that might sound crazy to some people but I do have my own morals.

Did find the running woman on FB but nothing but private profile, few photos of them at running events but there's also other people in the photos. I just can't see him bringing someone into the house but stranger things have happened I suppose. The bit of wrapping was on my side of the bed, on the sheet/under the duvet and the bedding had definitely not been changed or washed.

Nothing in our bedroom that would suggest anything untoward. His home office is in our room.

I can't just pop home from work in the day so that's not an option.

He's acting just as normal, all nicey nice, which has increased a lot lately.....could that be a sign? A sign of guilt maybe? The increased working out/loosing a bit of weight.

Just spitballing here… Have YOU been somewhere where this could have stuck to your clothes & ended up in your bed? Used a laundrette dryer?
May not be from your DP at all but something that stuck to you.
Is the brand looking like the brand you used 3 years ago and could be remnant from wherever you keep your sheets etc?

MaggieBsBoat · 22/11/2025 10:23

I think you need to

  1. decide what happens if he has shagged someone else (in your bed no less!).

if this would end the relationship then you should prepare before you confront him. So get documentation copies. See a solicitor etc

if you feel like you’d work on it, then just confront him now. No need to wait.