H ‘gone fishing’

[Muggymcmug]

H disappeared first thing this morning muttering something about going fishing. By the afternoon I tried to call then sent a message to remind him of something we had on in a couple of hours. Eventually responded to say that he was going to be night fishing & would be back in the morning. In this weather.

On a scale of 1-absolute bullshit, he’s a massive liar isn’t he?! There has been infidelity which he would swear is over.

Do you have children? If so check with your local authority to see if you qualify for social housing. Im' aware there's usually waiting list. Some authorities count relationship breakdown, some only accept people fleeing domestic violence.

She can't just change the locks it's a rented house!

@Muggymcmug I'm so sorry you are going through this - I have a nasty suspicion that you won't see him again.

So my questions are financial (and not necessarily for you to answer on here - but to think about). Who pays the rent normally? Do you have any joint accounts, and if so, can you empty them out? Does your salary, or any other money that's yours, go into a joint account - and if so get that changed immediately?

Basically you have to start protecting yourself.

I agree with pp that it all sounds like another woman. Have there been any other signs?

the only other thing I’d consider, has he been ok recently? Could it be a breakdown? If it’s an affair cover up it seems remarkably unplanned and chaotic. Does he really lack any basic planning skills to hide his tracks any better.

Can you apply for social housing @Muggymcmug ?

I'm sorry you are going through this.

This. Make plans.

Any joint accounts empty them before he can.

Definitely make a plan as to where else you can go - plan a is a rental you can afford alone, plan b is short term staying with family or some form of short term social support.

Along with others - staying away for 2 days I do wonder if he's left you and just waiting for you to figure it out. He's obviously done lying given he hasn't bothered to come up with a good lie.

Things my husband takes when he goes night fishing(doesn't go after September at a push because of the weather).

1. Bivvy (fishing tent)
2. Wrap around and ground sheet for the bivvy, all are separate from each other
3. Bed
4. Chair(looks similar to the bed size wise)
5. Cradle that holds the fish
6. Big rucksack for clothes and food
7. Wellies and boots
8. A small drum of water
9. Rod bag
10. Fishing net
11. Wheel barrow to carry everything.

For most fishing enthusiasts, that's most of their big equipment so you should notice.

It sounds like utter bullshit to me. I'm sorry!

It doesn't really matter whether he's fishing or with another women; he is treating you with utter contempt which is reason enough to dump him.

Do not worry, i was ashamed with myself too so your words do nothing, this is over a decade ago, lost the marriage , grew up.

Disgrace ? words are just that , words. I hope you feel better

Sounds to me, with the suddeness of it all, that the ow has demanded he spend time with her today, he's left it last minute as trying to think of an excuse to give you, then just felt pressured to give a batshit fishing one. What a prize twat he is.

Sorry you’re going through this. But I would pack his stuff and kick him out, then carry on looking for another property to rent from the one you’re in now. It’ll be better for the kids that way and you at least can pack and search in relative stability. Maybe ask the LA of your current place if they could help? They could perhaps transfer your half of that deposit to a new property?

What, ever? That can't be right.

EVEN if he has actually gone fishing, it’s the lack of care to communicate.
To just drop everything & F off for a few days, phone off, not a care in the world.
While you have to carry on, rearing children, keeping everything going.

Could OP just drop everything and disappear for 48 hrs with zero communication, I highly doubt it.

And for that reason, I’d be furious.
You aren’t in a partnership & he has no respect.

I’m sorry that this is happening to you OP.

It is a shock that its come to a head for you..if not him yet .. tell all family and friends. Flood house with them to help you pack n leave. they will be braver/harder and take household goods you will need beds bedding kitchenware laundry stuff and christmas decs half of freezer contents . it all costs. youwill be caring for a child. he will prob move on to a furnished situation so dont be frightened to take all you need to set up home. friend/relative can hire van. Take a deep breath .and write a list .gather paperwork get his national insurance number. Any proof of his working. See a solicitor or phone free for half hour do a few . Act soon. Galvanise your helpers xx

Exactly. Don't get pulled into a were you /were you not fishing arguement. The issue is the utter selfishness and him just checking out of family life. What an absolute prick he is.

As a partner of an angler there will be many people fishing today.

Married to a fisherman!
This is the best time to go fishing, now until February/March time. Winter fishing is the best. Wearing the appropriate clothing and it’s fine, my husband fishes in the sea from rocks.

Unless it's sea fishing you don't bring the fish back. They get released back into lake.

I agree. I appreciate it matters whether he's actually fishing or shagging but...
Either way he is not treating your or his children with any respect.
What if there was an emergency? What if they want to speak to their Dad?
(as they do). It's crappy behaviour either way. I'd separate, if you can, sorry. x

If you have a partner who is actually fishing you know about it. My dh does pike fishing so going out in this weather isn’t at all strange to me. But there’s tackle, nets, mats, rods enough to fill the boot of the car. Once he’s home I usually get a full rundown of the river conditions, catch of the day along with photos and pinned map locations. Sounds mad? Absolutely.

I'm sorry op this is a lot and he's a piece of shit for behaving this way. Affair aside you don't just fuck off for days on end with no notice when you have kids even if he were just fishing. Which clearly is not the case.

Why is it you can't stay in your current house? Sorry I might have missed it? Is your name on the rental agreement if its rented?

He'll need to pay maintenance and depending on your earnings and where you live you might be able to get benefits.

Similar happened to me and what I did was immediately speak to a solicitor, spoke to a citizens advice agency, put him out of the house since its your kids home. Only move them when you're actually ready to. Could you stay with family or friends for a while to get some savings behind you Before renting or speak to your local housing authority? Has he ever been abusive towards you?

Check if his passport is there as if she lives abroad he could have gone to see her and using fishing as an excuse to try and cover his tracks.

Wow. What grade A bullshit. Tell him you are done.

I could not accept this....already would have called the police, hospitals etc

Surely most couples in a relationship - do?