H ‘gone fishing’

[Muggymcmug]

H disappeared first thing this morning muttering something about going fishing. By the afternoon I tried to call then sent a message to remind him of something we had on in a couple of hours. Eventually responded to say that he was going to be night fishing & would be back in the morning. In this weather.

On a scale of 1-absolute bullshit, he’s a massive liar isn’t he?! There has been infidelity which he would swear is over.

Cross-post. Get photographing any of his financial documents you have access to, then upload them somewhere safe. Look on entitled.to and the CMS calculator.

You’ll be better off without him.

He's obviously not fishing because if he was a good husband who liked fishing he would a) discuss when best to go fishing with OP and negotiate childcare and not just up and leave b) leave his phone on, no reason to turn it off c) be happy to video call kids from the lake and show them what he was up to (could be interesting for them!) d) prepped for days beforehand e) taken extremely warm clothes and everything e) checked in if it was OK to do another day, given the Op is on own with the kids, not turned phone on, declared it, turned it off.

Sorry OP, you know the truth, you will be able to do this, it just must feel very very hard now. Can you ring Shelter to get advice? I wonder if your tenancy is ending or you can get him to say that you can no longer stay there whether you might trigger a homeless evaluation? Perhaps not but I would take advice on it. Otherwise cheapest rental is the way forward, and tell friends and family all about it too, to get emotional support and perhaps some practical support.

He's thinking he can save his reputation by sticking to the fishing story, but it won't.

Jesus. Im so sorry OP but hes obviously not fishing. Do not leave the house. Kick him out!!!! Even rented yay have rights and youre more likely to get some council support if you remain in the house! Change the locks before he gets back. What a scumbag

If he is no longer answering your calls I would definitely report him missing with the police. If he has gone to a lake in this weather with no warm clothes, no wellies ect he could be in serious danger.
Or he is cheating.
But I wouldnt risk under reacting.
Call 101 and tell them that something has been off for a few days and now he's gone.

Even if he is actually 'fishing' - to disappear for three days when you have DCs and assuming a job is very odd, selfish and twatish tbh. It doesn't sound like fishing though as you suspect OP.

If this is the last straw for you then you're doing the right thing in looking at your options. Citizens advice will have agencies you can contact to get some practical support. Sending hugs.

Ask him to send a pic 'for the kids'

@Muggymcmug keep pushing in viewings and making plans . Tell the lying arse nothing .
Tell him the sofa is his new place of sleep, don’t give him anymore head space. He keeps making his choices now you need to push on with yours .
You can do it . You already are !

Good for you OP, fingers crossed the viewing goes well.
This time of year it only tends to be the hardcore and in my experience the hardcore will bore the tits off you with their fishing tales, turning off the phone maybe to conserve battery in these temps BUT if you have children, hell even if you don't phone calls home just to say hi would be normal because half the time you will be sat there watching the tip and it's borning!

Is there anyone who could have your little one for a few hours today so you can have some time to get your paperwork together and have a little scream at the universe?

Just a message of support. You are being very brave. Cheerleading for you here.

You should be embarrassed... for him, not for you! What an absolute lowlife, he must be as stupid as he appears to think you are.

Sorry OP, I'm what MN likes to call a "cool wife" but I'm afraid in this case I think he's absolutely at it (cheating, or some other shit that involves lying about his whereabouts) and he deserves whatever repercussions come his way x

(Edited for spelling)

Oh OP. I’m fuming for you. His lies aren’t even vaguely convincing.

Good luck for the viewing. Stay angry - will make all of this a hell of a lot easier for you to do. Get all your ducks in a row.

Years ago one of my friends had a fiancé who was ‘fishing’ all weekend every weekend. They got married and it all came out a mere weeks later that he was actually having an affair. Had been going on for months.

I don't think that the possibility of cheating is the main issue here. The fact that he just disappears for hours, days, nights on end and is not in contact and can't be contacted when he has his wife and kids at home is the biggest issue. Whether he is cheating or not is just the added part.
I couldn't be with someone who thought so little of his family that he exits the family home, leaving his wife to pick up the pieces and just carries on with his life, with no regards to his family would be enough for me to leave him. He could be cheating, but the blatant disregard for his family? Well, he wouldn't have one, and it would be that that would signal the end of my relationship.

Sorry, op that you're going through this. You and your children deserve so much better x

Tell him you don't believe him!!!!!

Don't be taken for a mug. Use this time to start divorce, get the money where it should be in your account and get your ducks in a row

Shame on you. You're a disgrace.

It really is difficult and may need to get worse before it gets better. Even if the new rental is not perfect; if it’s safe, away from him and within budget, go for it. You are doing the right thing. Life is too short to waste it with somebody that treats you and their children the way he has. What a pathetic excuse of a man.

I'd be tempted to tell him to stay as many more nights as he wants because he has no marriage left to come home to. Irrespective of what he's actually doing, treating you like this is unforgivable. I'm sorry you've been put in this position.

It's not the cheating that's a massive slap in the face.

It's how utterly pathetic the lie is. He either think you're stupid enough to believe it, or he simply doesn't care if you believe it or not.

And if he can't answer the phone to speak to his children, he can get in the bloody bin.

I do hope you can find a practical way forward re. somewhere to live for you and the DC. Wishing you luck x

Leave him. I know it's going to be rough in the immediate but it will be so worth it OP. Even if he isn't cheating (he is) what kind of a husband thinks he can swan off for two days and not be in communication. He's no loss.

OP, sorry this is happening.
First of all you need to be sure he's not actually having a mental health crisis. That would need different action, like reporting to the police.
It does of course look more likely that he's checked out of the marriage. Take advantage of his absence to photograph every bit of paperwork you can find, book a solicitors appointment and contact the council to see if you can get help with housing.
Ultimately he's pushed you into action that he's too cowardly to take himself. You and the kids will end up happier and stronger without him, I promise you.

There are men who are hardcore fishermen, who fish in all weathers. However, they usually take a lot of equipment - tents, sleeping bags, warm clothing, food, as well as fishing tackle. The majority of other fishermen would only night fish during the summer months, certainly not in minus temperatures, with no bathroom facilities for several days at a time! The fact your husband hasn't even taken a wellies boots or warm clothing, suggests he's not laying in a tent in -5c. As you know there's been cheating in the past, and you are very aware your relationship is rocky, I'd say he's got an OW, and he's in her bed. I'd check to see what's missing with regards to tackle etc. It's a lame excuse, and given the weather, and his usual fishing behaviour, implausible. Those who are asking if he's bringing fish home - often if you lake fish, you can't take the fish, they have to be released once caught, back into the lake. No, I'm not a fishing person, an ex used to fish a lot!!!