H ‘gone fishing’

[Muggymcmug]

H disappeared first thing this morning muttering something about going fishing. By the afternoon I tried to call then sent a message to remind him of something we had on in a couple of hours. Eventually responded to say that he was going to be night fishing & would be back in the morning. In this weather.

On a scale of 1-absolute bullshit, he’s a massive liar isn’t he?! There has been infidelity which he would swear is over.

Hey. Just wondering how you are this morning and wanted to see if he had appeared home as yet?

Is he home OP ? thinking of you and hoping you are okay

The people that have said this is not just about his whereabouts just now have hot the mail on the head. To treat you with this level of contempt and selfishness isn't love

And if you fully trust someone, you don’t need to know where they are at all time.

It seems that some people are struggling so much with unpredictability, like knowing at the minute at what time ther do will be back home, that they need apps to calm their anxiety down.
Or they have something to hide and need to protect themselves by knowing where their DP is at all time 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

it's staggeringly useful to be able to reach for the map and know where your nearest and dearest are, with zero drawbacks. It's not the state knowing, it's not the police. it's just the 4-5 people who you trust the most in life? I've used it at funfairs when we got lost, to see if my partner was in a traffic accident I heard about, to put dinner on at the right time without needing to call them, there are thousands of reasons why it's useful and no reason not to.

Yeah we survived without it

but we survived, barely, before we had antibiotics.

I don't NEED to know, it's just really bloody useful most of the time and on some occasions - like this one for the OP - I DO NEED TO KNOW :D

Has he surfaced yet?

I knew a guy who insisted his wife put tracking on her phone. I recall there was a rumor he secretly put one on too.

He used to sit tracking her, asking why is she going there, who is she with ?

Phone tracking is a dream come true for many. But not always for good reasons.

Well, my dad had 3 kids and a job, so he wasn't inclined to up sticks and leave my mother alone for more than morning until teatime on a weekend day.

For me, fishing or not is neither here nor there. A husband and father is not contactable in the case of an emergency. Totally irresponsible for not only the spouse and children's benefit but his as well.

I'm not against sharing location with DH, it just has never seemed necessary. I think when the children are old enough to have phones and be out and about without us we'll do it.

Lol
The issue here is not that he doesn’t have a tracker on his phone 😂😂
Seriously, she would have confirmation he isn’t near a lake. Well that won’t be a surprise right? And then??
The issue is him going AWOL. Not answering the phone. Thinking it’s ok to disappear from the face of the earth with no explanation. It’s acting as if the OP is stupid. It’s all of that. Acting with full contempt for her. The lack of respect.
Not that he doesn’t have a tracker. A tracker wouldn’t solve any of those issues.
Talk about concentrating on the wrong problem 🙄🙄

Simply ask for picture. Of place where he is fishing. Selfie
And see what he has caught.

I don't think OP has sufficient power in the relationship to make such demands.

Ah yes, the blind faith in technology, with no understanding of GPS spoofing apps. You can fake location really easily.

Meanwhile in the real world, I like to talk to my nearest and dearest when I need to, not check their pixel on a screen.

Is there anywhere else you and the kids can stay whilst you find another rental?

Phone will be out of power/no signal. The bs will continue until it can't. Some men believe they can keep the illusion going but they can't. Just the white training shoes is a giveaway. Prob had thin lo socks on as well.

This is a good point. If some bastard partner is happy to lie about going to Tesco, ScrewFix, or going fishing just so they can dip it in elsewhere, they'll be happy to alter their location details. Or even just switch it off.

Even if he was fishing not calling to speak to the children or wife is insane!
Imagine there was an accident and your emergency contact is your spouse.

Especially as it seems this was a sudden decision even breaking the agreement of a previously agreed arrangement.
I hope you're OK op.

Like others, I'm only lurking here waiting for an update - has he returned?

Absolutely nobody is night fishing in this weather. I would think suicide or affair.

No matter what he's been up to, surely this is the relationship over. To have so little regard for you and his kids shows he's not interested in being a family. You deserve peace in your life, not fretting over this selfish manchild. I wish you all the very best. Even though leaving will be difficult in the short term, staying will be worse in the long.

I assume you have no way of seeing his bank statement? You would see his spending….

Not true by any stretch of the imagination.
Do I think the OPs H is fishing - not at all.
But I do know from having lived with an avid pike angler that plenty will be out in all weather. The only time mine wasn't was if it was frozen, and it's not been anywhere near cold enough for long enough for most larger lakes to freeze.

Call the office now and ask to speak to him. If he's never given you a landline number, Google the company and go through the switchboard. Say 'good afternoon, could you put me through to Mr (check notes) Firstname Secondname, please? I think it would be the xx department.'

See what they say.

Are his parents / siblings around? Ask if he's been in touch, you are worried about him as you don't know where he is in this cold, and he doesn't seem to have taken his warm boots etc, he's out of contact and the children are anxious.

See what they say.

He will of course be angry you're doing this, because the only thing that matters is him.

Don't bother calling his friends. They aren't yours, and will lie to cover up for him.

I might be inclined to ask the police to do a welfare check, as you're concerned about his behaviour. Give the car details and his usual haunts. If they get back and say he's alive and well - but that's all the information they can give you, you have your answers. He's left and does not want you to know his location.

Are your own family available for you to go and stay for a few days? Take essentials including passports, financial stuff, etc.

I'd leave the central heating off and take any food and drink with you, for him to come home to a chilly empty house.

If he was fishing all that time, I would have expected him to return with dinner. My parents used to fish in any weather so that part doesn’t surprise me at all. They were absolutely crazy for the hobby and traveled the world for it.

Even if he was fishing, which I would not believe given your reports, the disregard for you and the children is inexcusable. He shouldn’t just disappear like that. He is a parent with responsibilities.