Looking more than a friendship but no sex

[Madammewington]

I am divorced, late 50s and after ten years of being single I have started to think I might like a relationship but I am absolutely not interested in sex.
(I am not looking for advice on hrt or anything else to improve my libido)
Other forms of physical affection ie hand holding and cuddling would be nice.
I’m open to the idea of living together or living apart and just spending a lot of time together.
I am thinking about trying online dating on the small chance there might be a man out there who feels the same but presumably the vast majority are looking for sex even in the age group which would interest me.
Does anybody else feel like this? Has anybody tried looking?

Why is it worth 'revisiting'?
You wouldn't be saying that to any woman who couldn't get enough sex - asking her why?
It's not like she's in a long term relationship and suddenly decided she doesn't want sex any more - which can, and does happen - she's being up front in what she wants, and why does she need to put a label on herself?
Why are you trying to twist this into something its not?
As my pp said, I'm in my 50s, been married, had relationships and had good sex and bad sex. I know how to ask for what pleases me in bed, but right now I dont want sex, and that's fine. If it lasts for the rest of my life that's fine too.
I dont need to be analysed. We all make choices in life, and I have made mine.

I think probably OP has not come back to her thread. Some people have answered the actual question she asked, but others have been quite aggressive in telling her that she's wrong to not want to have sex

I did think you were a man, sorry, and unfortunately you got some of the annoyance I was feeling about the repeated confident assertion by very male-sounding PPs on this thread that there is not a man alive who wouldn't want sex while being in a loving relationship with a woman. Like, how on earth can they talk for ALL men? It's an oppressive stereotype that does harm to men.

In relation to your point, does anyone these days really look down on a woman because she has a high sex drive and enjoys sex? Reading Mumsnet and other women chat sites makes it plain that a large proportion of women DO like sex - although not when it's being coerced or the man isn't pulling his weight or is neglectful or abusive - and I don't see anyone slut-shaming that.

As @Sarover said above "For some reason although we have come around to the idea that women can enjoy sex we can’t accept that some men don’t.""

. Your life isn't relevant. But you need to be sure your partner(if you ever have one) is happy with no sex if that's what you decide.

I don't think it is unreasonable to ask anyone, male of female, why they have decided they don't want sex as part of a NEW loving relationship.

It's not the same as a woman wanting more sex - not sure how you can possibly think it is so I'll pass on that one- although highly mis-matched sex drives are always potentially an issue.

The reason I said the OP might want to consider why she's reached this decision is because the odds of her finding a compliant man are pretty remote. But also her reasons for never wanting sex again may be based on previous 'bad' sex and she's ruling out the chance of something nice.

Of course it’s unreasonable to ask someone something so personal that’s absolutely none of your business.

The OP is clear in what she’s looking for and has her own reasons. How and why she’s come to that decision is between her and any new partner, not a nosey random stranger online

There's no reason why you can't find this. Be confident, stay positive and good luck ☘️

My life is relevant to me. Just as the OP's life is relevant to her. She's made her decision, given her answer on here, and certainly doesn't have to justify it to you.

Speaking as a 57 year old male of course there is more to a relationship than just sex , but sex would and should form a fundamental part of that , reading Mumsnet sex talk boards there is a huge amount of emotional upset from people in relationships and marriages that are effectively sexless , I think you are genuinely looking for a needle in a haystack it hard enough finding a partner let alone one who from the get go accepts they are entering into a sexless relationship, forgive me but I thing you are looking for a friendship not a relationship.

If you read this boards though they are full of wives whose husbands don’t want a sex life anymore.

Maybe they just don't want sex with their wives.
And it's a biased set of answers as the ones who are happy won't be posting on those threads.

True, and same for all the women who don’t want sex. They are usually awakened with a new man.
It’s just we are so used to hearing men are dogs who will take sex wherever they can get it that it’s still surprising to hear they would go sexless in a relationship.

You think there’s no slut-shaming on Mumsnet and that people who love sex are never looked down on?

There’s another thread going on right now where someone is claiming that having sex 2-3 times a week is ‘a huge amount’ and that any woman who wants sex as often as that ‘has low self-esteem’ because ‘people who have sex a lot’ usually do, according to them.

In threads where people say they’ve have sex on a first date or can enjoy a one-night stand, there is always A TON of slut-shaming, accusations of low self-respect etc.

Any thread where any sexual behaviour beyond gentle, romantic and wholly mainstream sex is discussed always results in a chorus of disapproval too and usually endless accusations that anyone who says they enjoy anything even mildly kinky must be a man.

Even just mentioning that my head is easily turned by shirtless models, actors, fitness influencers etc on Instagram because - shock horror - I find the male body attractive has resulted in really unpleasant sneering and ‘Eww, how can you find someone hot to look at when there’s no emotional connection, how shallow, how disrespectful, women aren’t visual creatures’ type comments. I think the most recent one said it was ‘grubby’ and ‘animalistic’ of me to notice and appreciate men’s bodies.

Loads of asexual men on Tinder and Match. I think the term you are looking for is sapiosexual. Someone who prefers intellectual over physical stimulation.

I think this is spot on by @Parkrun69

The pool of available men for anyone in their late 50s is small anyway.
Your 'catchment age' is likely to be older men as many men put 50 as their top age limit. There are 'silver daters' of course but you're more likely to meet them doing a hobby you enjoy rather than online.

Asking for a semi-relationship is as PP says like looking for a needle in a haystack.

The men who 'don't' or more likely 'can't' without drug help are probably unhealthy as ED is often a result of heart disease (often still undiagnosed), diabetes or psychological issues.

What you want @Madammewington is a male friend but the 'bonus' of a bit of hand holding and cuddles.

Most men are not remotely interested in those unless they have been with someone for decades and have accepted that their sex lives have died out for one reason or another (and can't be bothered with divorce.)

Sexless relationships evolve rather than being demanded from the start. And usually one of the couple is unhappy with that.

I know of several couples like this in RL and none is happy but don't want to upset their family by splitting up and can't afford two homes etc.