Looking more than a friendship but no sex

[Madammewington]

I am divorced, late 50s and after ten years of being single I have started to think I might like a relationship but I am absolutely not interested in sex.
(I am not looking for advice on hrt or anything else to improve my libido)
Other forms of physical affection ie hand holding and cuddling would be nice.
I’m open to the idea of living together or living apart and just spending a lot of time together.
I am thinking about trying online dating on the small chance there might be a man out there who feels the same but presumably the vast majority are looking for sex even in the age group which would interest me.
Does anybody else feel like this? Has anybody tried looking?

I also think this will be very difficult op. Physical attraction and intimacy is a key part of most romantic relationships. So by saying yiu wish a romantic relationship but don’t wish intimacy at all is going to take out the vast majority of the dating pool for you, and a man of this age range who doesn’t wish sex, will likely have some issues to be fair, be they physical or mental;

you don’t need to say on here, but I’d examine why you’re so adamant you don’t want sex, “had enough of shagging” is rather flippant. Have you experienced trauma, are you worried about your body and getting naked, I’d examine what it is and then see if you can resolve it, rather than just accept it.

I sometimes think it’d be nice to have a male companion but then remember that lots of them want ‘looking after’ and realise I don’t want one in my house ever again.
There must be exceptions to this but finding one is difficult.

and to add to that, if there was a 'sex issue' in your marriage @Madammewington which is why you divorced? Maybe you never had good sex. Or did- only you know. You do make it sound like a chore or something to be endured, now having had enough of it.

Many women at 50+ discover a second wind with sex - no fear of getting pregnant, kids left home, time for themselves.

The same things the OP would get. Very strange response.

I agree it won’t be a large pool of possible men. As said in my original post I do know it is a small chance.
My question was if anyone felt the same or had tried looking but in true MN style the thread has rather taken a turn!
I don’t mind that but no, also as I have previously said, I am not looking for advice on or approval for my lack of desire for sex.

I’m sure it’s a minority, but you only need one, and humans are infinitely various. The great plus of OLD is that unlike single women in their 50s of old, you are not limited to the two potential matches in your village.

I would write your profile with EXTREME clarity, and expect a relatively low number of responses, of which approx 3/4 won’t believe you are serious about not wanting sex. But hell, give it a go. What I would say is, don’t put up with other shit just because you’ve found someone on the same page about sex.

The same things the OP would get. Very strange response.

It's not a strange response if you pick it apart.

I think that , as women, we sometimes don't understand how men are different. They are much more sex focused and it would be odd for a man to say he didn't want sex ever again. (Unless he has a health issue.)

Men tend to get their friendship and companionship from their mates and doing 'stuff'- watching sport, playing golf, doing the garden.

I don't think they usually have the mindset of cosy nights in holding hands with a female companion. If they are in a sexless relationship it's usually because it's long term and it's too much effort or expensive to get divorced.

My advice OP is if you want to pursue this, join clubs and groups where men hang out (ramblers, choir, drama, art, etc) and if you make a friend who is a man, take it from there.

OP, you want what you want and if you feel you no longer want sex that's fine. Companionship, shared values, interests and kindness are still something to be valued in a partner so dont let others tell you otherwise.
Try the dating sites but be careful, if you meet someone you like take your time and obviously beware those seeking someone to look after them in old age, or hoping to get free housing! There is a lid for every pot and l hope you find yours. Good luck!

I don’t mind that but no, also as I have previously said, I am not looking for advice on or approval for my lack of desire for sex.

I think you need to accept you've opened a can of worms as it's quite unusual to say you never want to shag again and expect to find a man agreeing.

That's very different to being in a long term relationship where it's dwindled but both parties are happy with companionship.

I think this used to be called ‘a companion’. We have family friends who lived this way for over 20 years. They loved each other deeply as friends and did most things together but it was never a romantic relationship. She died last year and toward the end of her life he moved in to care for her.

You might find there’s websites which particularly cater for this type of relationship/friendship.

My great aunt did this but she and her companion were well into their 70s then. (and this was decades ago because now she'd be about 130!) And he was a long term family friend.

Both were widowed. She lived to her 90s.

Look for asexual men or men with pssd.

You could have that kind of relationship, there are people who also want no sex.

Hi ,I am currently on holiday in Europe with a man I met on a dating site but I was very clear I only wanted a platonic relationship in my bio

we go out to the threatre, holidays, etc

we even share a room ,but in separate beds

we don’t have any form of intimacy , fir je that might start to “Blur the line”. But ,so far ,it seems to suit us

im late 50s and can never see me having sex again,I have ,and always have had ,a. Very,very low Lobito, I don’t need “fixing” or that “I need to find the right man”

how rare is this chap ,I don’t know, but he respects all of my boundaries ,others on the sites version of “just friends “ was quite different

Does. My “companion” have any issues regarding sex, don’t know ,it’s not my business ,

It sounds like you just need some friends?

You'll only find out if you go online, be honest with what you want in regards to a relationship. If it helps I've just finished a new relationship as I wanted more intimacy and he didn't going forward. Don't listen to the harsh people on here, I'd give it a go you have nothing to lose x

Yes I totally get that. It's going to be a small pool to pick from.

But the question was what would the man get.

And the answer is the same thing she would.

That the vast majority of men would not be interested isn't relevant to the question... although I totally get where they and you are coming from.

Or perhaps they've had cancer of the prostate and had it removed.

OP, I agree with what PPs said, look up asexual relationships.
Yes, most men are very much sex driven (that's why I loathed them since early teenage years and married a great guy, three decades older for practical reasons).
They go to great lengths for sex and if societal boundaries weren't in place, I'm sure us women would be in (even greater) danger.
I'm 46 and as happy as a lark to live without sex forever now - my husband is 75.
Asexuality wasn't something talked about when my generation were growing up. Unfortunately.
I think above mentioned relationships are your safe place.
❤️

I have good friends thanks

Thank you!
I was asking for personal experience (good or bad) of actually feeing as I do and looking for a hen’s tooth so it’s nice to hear this.
So many people here are borderline angry that a woman can not want sex and not need “fixing”.

That doesn't mean the end of a sex life. Some men can still have penetrative sex after prostate removal and if not, other sex acts are still on the table.

@Lurkee14

It was bluntly put but I think I have to agree. It’s only my experience but sex is a very high priority for men.

Therefore @Madammewington as someone else has said you should really look for apps / sites / connections that meet your requirements.

I don’t think the general/main dating app pool will suit you.

Or rather, you will likely get people who lie (directly or by omission) about their intentions in the hope that they can change your mind, then later pressure you or insult you when you enforce your clearly stated boundaries.

I hope you find the right forum to meet like minded people, and then a match that suits you.

Bit weird to be so derogatory about a community that's your best chance of getting the kind of relationship you want.

The "alphabet soup", as you put it, is there to help people whose desires are in the minority to find each other. Acknowledging they're in the minority isn't the same as proclaiming they're special.

You have niche desires. You're probably not going to get what you're looking for in the world of mainstream dating. What you want is asexual romance and you are most likely to find that in the asexual community.