Women who earn more than their partners — how does it actually feel day to day?

[WriterWithQuestions]

This might be a bit personal, but I’m curious about how people experience this dynamic in real life.

I recently found myself in a situation where my partner earns quite a bit more than me — and it made me unexpectedly uncomfortable.

If you’re the higher earner in your relationship, how does it feel for you? Has it affected things between you — practically, emotionally, or not at all?

(No agenda — just genuinely interested in how others see it. I’m exploring the topic more widely and want to make sure I’m not projecting my own experience onto everyone else!)

When I was the lower earner I felt quite vulnerable. Now I’m the higher earner I feel pressured #NeverHappy

So you’re a writer, and posing journo-style questions… but say you’ve no agenda 🤔

Hasn't effected anything between us but we put into joint pot on a ratio basis so my DH has a good amount of "free money" each month.

We split holidays 50/50 though and make sure it's suitable for both our budgets.

Occasionally I can feel the pressure but I then built up my emergency fund to 6 months wages and that took the pressure off.

We split childcare etc 60/40 with him doing a bit more then me but because he's 4 days a week.

I usually earned more

he did feel uncomfortable at times - because we could afford things that he alone wouldn’t have been able to

it’s didn’t bother me usually but he had a few ( very short ) spells of unemployment that I did find very stressful - the additional responsibility

we basically went for equal spending money but if I had a bonus he wouldn’t take anything like half of it but would encourage me to spend on something special for me alone

I earn more. It all goes in the same pot including sizeable annual bonuses.
We share it all as we're a team.
I feel great about it

I've always felt more comfortable earning more than my partners.
Something about not feeling dependant. It makes me feel like I have every right to ask my partner to contribute to the household and childcare.

Great. I like knowing that if our relationship went sour I can kick him out and continue affording my life exactly as it is currently. I also own the flat we live in and actively don’t want to get married. I prefer being the higher earner in any relationship because I like having that upper hand.

It makes me feel secure.
DH is a lovely man but has become more uptight and controlling as he has aged. He is charge of all the cooking and can be a bit frugal and mean at times. It feels good to say the money is there and he needs to pipe down.

I earn double my husband. All goes in one pot. We're both frugal. As my income has increased, I've increased my discretionary spending a little and encourage him to do the same. We're a team, doesn't matter who earns the money.

It feels fine. I earn substantially more but he has lower outgoings (no housing costs) so we’re pretty even.

I earn more but DH is much better at managing money than I am, he has way more savings than I do.

No issues. He doesn't mind at all and he really supports me. My DH works incredibly hard at his job, it's a salaried job in the creative industries so doesn't pay well - but I am so proud of him and supporting the arts is majorly important.

We pay proportionately to our income re: things like bills etc, in practice we just take certain bills each, after working it out on a spreadsheet. We pay in different amounts to a joint account monthly for household expenses like groceries, cleaning products, cat food etc. and we have a similar amount of disposable income.

I earn more than DH and always have, though the gap has grown a lot wider in more recent years. DH is a teacher and has hit his limit really on progression and additional pay (neither of us think its worth his while becoming Head teacher for multiple reasons) whereas I'm a lawyer and still climbing in that sense. I work in tech and my employer has been really growing which has helped too - all luck really!

I feel more pressure and obligation at times. I'm aware that if I lost my job we'd struggle to live on DH earnings alone, and also it'll take me quite a while to find a similar role. Tech pays well but is also well-known for mass layoffs, so I work lots now as I'm aware I'll likely be made redundant at one of the many re-orgs the company goes through - it's just how it is (but does add to the stress). Teaching isn't flexible, so I also take on a lot of the burden of school drop-offs and flexing for the kids, and so on particularly busy weeks I can feel a bit moody that I have a lot of the financial pressure plus a lot of the domestic workload too. I'm exhausted most the time 😂

We both contribute to mortgage, bills etc. but I pay more. I also tend to cover bigger expenses like house renovations, all childcare bills, mortgage overpayments etc. We have a lot of savings held in separate names but considered to be joint savings - we just separate it for tax reasons!

It doesn’t ‘feel’ like anything at all, and I think it’s sexist to assume it would.

I earned more and still do as DH has retired. It’s not a subject that ever came up. All money went into the joint account and all spending came out of it.

When I did it my ex cheated on me. He actually said he felt I had no time for him any more because of my promotion. It's not an excuse (especially because I actually had more time at home with him and more money for holidays we took) and it was clear his ego was bruised, which is why he found a woman he would feel superior to to take it out on.

It feels fine to me. I make about £20k more than my husband. Day to day it’s not an issue as we contribute to bills proportionate to income and both try to save.

Where it is a little bit awkward is I am able to save a lot more than he is which means I currently hold onto more of the money. He doesn’t seem to mind apart from when it comes to making big purchases it feels like I have more say - I would never ask his “permission” to get a new car for example but he will often ask me if it’s okay to spend his savings on things he wants.

I’m trying to balance it out now we are married so whenever I come into some money (was gifted £6k recently) I send him half to try and demonstrate that I view us as a financial unit and a family and trust him to look after the money but we are moving next year and I think we will do an overhaul so we both get paid into the joint account and take spending money out, rather than what we currently do which is get paid into are separate accounts and put money into the joint

It doesn't bother me in the slightest.... why should it?
Would you ask a bloke the same question??

For me it’s more important that we both have similar attitudes to money and spending rather than about who earns more. I’m told that I’m very generous and I guess that’s why I don’t like people who are tight - or rather, I couldn’t be in a relationship with someone who’s tight. When we’re both quite generous people who happily share with our loved ones, it seems to work really well. I’ve been the higher earner in most of my relationships, but there are also times when I’ve been on the bones of my arse and my partner has supported me.

I earn 3 times as much as my DH and mine will likely go up again soon whereas his is fairly static beyond minor cost of living increases. I feel great and very comfortable about it. I obviously cover the vast majority of the household costs because I have more funds to do it, but I like the fact that I’m financially reliant on no one, DH would also be able to financially support himself and DD on his salary if needed albeit with a reduction in disposable income. It helps that our costs have not grown with my salary, we live a reasonably modest lifestyle and haven’t felt the need to upgrade to bigger properties or cars so our basic living costs are low and manageable on either salary.

Because women typically haven't and it's still more common for women to go part time or have their career stagnate after kids.

I used to earn significantly more than DP but now things are more even. It was completely fine, because we both understood the reasons. I was at a different level of seniority in a better paid industry than him, so it was to be expected that I earned more. Because he isn’t a moronic sexist dinosaur, he fully accepted this and it was never an issue.

Ours is balancing out, I earn more now but we don’t actually see it as I am loading my pension so my take home is actually less, whereas DH has good pension as remained full time when our children were young. I’m hoping to catch his pension up!

My income is 4 times higher than my husbands due to the fact that he's disabled and on benefits. His money just about covers food and petrol.
It makes no difference to me- as long as the bills are paid and there's food in the house, I don't care where the money comes from!

I earned less when we got together but eventually earned more. Due to illness we agreed he’d give up work so I became sole earner. Never bothered me in slightest. I considered it our money - and still do. He does all the home stuff and life admin and more than pulls his weight.