Women who earn more than their partners — how does it actually feel day to day?

[WriterWithQuestions]

This might be a bit personal, but I’m curious about how people experience this dynamic in real life.

I recently found myself in a situation where my partner earns quite a bit more than me — and it made me unexpectedly uncomfortable.

If you’re the higher earner in your relationship, how does it feel for you? Has it affected things between you — practically, emotionally, or not at all?

(No agenda — just genuinely interested in how others see it. I’m exploring the topic more widely and want to make sure I’m not projecting my own experience onto everyone else!)

Is there a reason men can’t flex their schedules, reduce their hours, change their working patterns?

It doesn’t have to be that woman earn less because they need to make adjustments for children, the menfolk can do that too.

They can do it. Some of them do do it.

My DH took six months parental leave twice. He now works part time so that I can work full time and be the main earner. His brother has done similar, so have other men we know.

I know. PP just seemed very keen on all the ways women lose money, or get themselves a nanny.

“On lower earnings, many women have to reduce hours worked. I’ve seen many teachers and doctors do this. So they don’t progress as quickly as the men. Dc aren’t an excuse - they have needs. Not all dc are easily left while parent(s) work either.
Also some women work from home and can make time for school etc. Others don’t have that luxury. Stats will tell you women, overall, earn less.”

Maybe those women should not reduce their hours and expect their husbands to, as you mentioned - it’s a possibility!

I’ve earnt more than DH thoughout our 25 year marriage. We always knew that would be the case as my career is just higher paid.

Work is to important to him despite his being less lucrative so I never pressured him to give up and be a SAHD as it was not what he wanted. We tried to be more equal but probably I did more when DC were small even though financially that’s not sensible. I worked part time, he was self employed so had flexibility for sick days and school stuff. Very useful.

The only stuff that pissed me off was less about him and more societal expectations in general eg him being told how amazing he was to do so much for his kids when it amounted to a couple of school runs a week and was less than I did! (I’ll never get any praise for sharing my final salary pension with him). I did sometimes think that if we split I’d probably have to pay him out as the lower earner despite him not having sacrificed his career for family. It’s just his salary potential was lower in any case. Fortunately it’s never come to that.

I earn over double DH's salary. I don't really think about it TBH. He's much better at money than I am so always has far more money than I do!

Thanks so much again to everyone who’s contributed. I had no idea the thread would run this long. I’ve learned a huge amount.

A few of you have raised points that I’d love to explore in a bit more depth. I’m working on a wider project (I'm not a journalist) about how modern relationships are changing (emotionally, practically, all of it), and some of the themes here have really struck a chord.

If anyone would be open to chatting privately about their experiences - even just for 15–20 minutes, anonymously - I’d really appreciate it. No pressure at all.

Either way, thanks again for the honesty in this thread.

My DH supported me through all my professional exams and then mat leaves, then starting my business. I expect he thinks it’s payback 😂