How to word this without causing offence

[DracunculusVulgaris]

This may be long, although I will try to be as succinct as possible, whilst still including all relevant information. I am also expecting to be 'pounced' upon and possibly thought of as judgemental and possibly egotistical, full of myself and pompous!
I am taking early retirement, or partial retirement, within the next twelve months and am 4 years into a relationship with my partner, although we do not live together and normally only spend time together at weekends, high days and holidays. I do not have a wide circle of friends - in fact, nobody I would call a "close" friend, more a few aquaintances scattered around the country who I rarely see, or spend time with.
My dilemma is this: my interests revolve around history, natural history, gardening, landscapes, architecture, industrial archaeology, ornithology, botony, entomology, mammology, science, literature, languages, language, words, etymology, writing, clocks, horology and old scientific instruments - amongst other things! Sadly, my partner shares none of these interests and appears to be bored, or disaccociates, whenever I talk about them or wish to spend time pursuing them. I also work in a heavily male dominated environment with people who are, by and large, sexist, misogynistic and lacking in cognitive or emotional maturity and the conversation tends to be crude, vulgar and peppered with constant swearing, which I hate! To be frank, I am craving some mental and intellectual stimulation in both my working and private life - I am fearful that, on retirement, with more time on my hands, I will vegetate and my brain will atrophy, without sufficient stimulation, and have decided that I wish to join a local history group, a book club, writing class, language class, U3A, or natural history society or several of these things, in order to feed my interests and make some new friends with whom I can discuss and talk about the things which interest me. Here is the crux of the matter, and the point at which I will probably come across as judgemental, although it is a truth - my partner is, without wishing to be diminishing, not very well educated or articulate, speaks and writes very poor English, sees little value in learning, is unable to assimilate and remember information and is, although acknowledging these things, very, very sensitive about them. In addition, insecurity, jealousy and anxiety about me having friends are also a huge issue.
How on earth do I approach this and phrase my desire to persue some of these activities, and potentially make some new friends, without causing huge offence or come across as belittling and insensitive?

OP, my son sounds similar to you (albeit in his 20s). He is also ND and shares some of your interests!

It's one of the most frequent conversations we have - how he finds it difficult to meet people (male and female) who share his interests (and in particular, his love of medieval history and the etymology of language!)

Ypu can't change yourself or deny yourself to please someone else.

You create a life you love and if you meet someone who fits into it well, then brilliant. Otherwise, why bother?

I've read a few more of your updates now and you're just not each others 'sort of person' and that is fine.

I remember being younger and dating someone for longer than I wanted to because I liked their mum or sister! But they don't seem to matter as much once the relationship has actually ended because they aren't your family and are not who you are in a relationship with.

I wpuld end it, go into retirement single and live your life free from the deep eye roll of having a partner who belches down the phone at you as a greeting.

I think the sooner you end this, the greater your chances of staying friends with her mum. Just get it over with.

She already thinks you're up to something because you've planned a weekend based at home involving your own interests and friends, even though you invited her to join you and she has made an excuse not to. Although I imagine you knew full well she would. We could all have called that one, and we've never met her!

I hope that doesn't mean you set her up to fail or, even worse, hope that by sticking up for yourself a bit more, you can prompt her to dump you. That's not fair on either of you and ultimately could lead to bad feeling that will endanger the relationship you do care about, with her mother.

There's no harm in acknowledging to each other that it's run its course, you're very different people and it's just not working for either of you. The fact that you seem worried about her response is all the more reason to end it, frankly.

Have a brilliant weekend and good luck!

I think it’s time for you to have an honest conversation with her. Tell her you care about her and her family very much but that you don’t seem to enjoy the same things but you’d really like to remain friends. And hopefully have the same conversation with her mum too so that you don’t lose touch and can still see her.

A huge thank you to everyone who has commented, I really appreciate it!

I am conscious that you have only been hearing things from my perspective, and that I have written a good deal, but everything I have said is how I have experienced and perceived things to be. It has also been hugely cathartic to put everything down in writing and is helping me to crystallise my thoughts and formulate a way forward.

So, once again, thank you all.

Thank you. No, I am not trying to set her up to fail, but, ultimately, I feel that it is incumbent upon me to stick up for myself more, my mental and physical health and well being are already taking a battering!
The punishment for daring to want a weekend to persue my own pleasure, for once, has already begun and I feel that I am being guilt tripped. I was told this morning "I could really do with you here this weekend to help with some things" - no mention, you will notice, of actually wanting to see me or that it would prevent me from meeting up with my friends! Last weekend I spent most of my time, on my own, clearing out the flat of her former partner, and father of her children, who died suddenly a couple of weeks ago. She is understandably upset, her children are, naturally, devastated and I totally understand that none of them wanted to go to his flat and it felt the least I could do to help out and ease the load a little. But I need some respite too, although I am now questioning whether or not I should cancel my plans and go to spend the weekend with her, as she is not prepared to come to me. I won't, but feel guilty nonetheless.

Just remember that causing offence may be deliberate or inadvertent.

Taking offence, when actually no offence has been given, can be a very deliberate act. It is then incumbent upon the first person to make up for the offence, even when they can’t see it, by whatever means the “offended” deems suitable.

It’s manipulation of one person by another that needs careful scrutiny.

I’ve been reading your posts since last night and really feel for you.
the most recent update, yuk, she wants you there to work. Please don’t cancel your plans.

if she was a true ‘partner’ She should be pleased after doing all that stuff for her/her children that you’re taking some time to yourself to pursue your passion.
She’s not a ‘partner’ a ‘team mate’ to you. You sound more like her employee.

Not being funny but how did you even get together, you don't have anything in common and he by the sounds of it doesn't seen to have any of the qualities that would attract you. I'm genuinely confused.

Online dating! As so many people do these days, and, as evidenced by the many horror stories one reads or hears about, people often hide their true motives or character in the early days, until the mask slips! My profile was very long, open and accurate, particularly in respect of my interests and the things which motivate me as I am well aware that I am not everyone's cup of tea and I really, really hoped to click with someone who shared, or at least valued, my interests. I do not announce my autism from the rooftops, but my profile would have given clues to anyone with a degree of cogniscence and was written to do so. My partner told me that she had always chosen more social and extrovert personalities in the past, who enjoyed drinking, sports and more typically male activities, that it had not worked and that she had determined to 'try someone quieter and more introvert'. So, here we are!