How to word this without causing offence

[DracunculusVulgaris]

This may be long, although I will try to be as succinct as possible, whilst still including all relevant information. I am also expecting to be 'pounced' upon and possibly thought of as judgemental and possibly egotistical, full of myself and pompous!
I am taking early retirement, or partial retirement, within the next twelve months and am 4 years into a relationship with my partner, although we do not live together and normally only spend time together at weekends, high days and holidays. I do not have a wide circle of friends - in fact, nobody I would call a "close" friend, more a few aquaintances scattered around the country who I rarely see, or spend time with.
My dilemma is this: my interests revolve around history, natural history, gardening, landscapes, architecture, industrial archaeology, ornithology, botony, entomology, mammology, science, literature, languages, language, words, etymology, writing, clocks, horology and old scientific instruments - amongst other things! Sadly, my partner shares none of these interests and appears to be bored, or disaccociates, whenever I talk about them or wish to spend time pursuing them. I also work in a heavily male dominated environment with people who are, by and large, sexist, misogynistic and lacking in cognitive or emotional maturity and the conversation tends to be crude, vulgar and peppered with constant swearing, which I hate! To be frank, I am craving some mental and intellectual stimulation in both my working and private life - I am fearful that, on retirement, with more time on my hands, I will vegetate and my brain will atrophy, without sufficient stimulation, and have decided that I wish to join a local history group, a book club, writing class, language class, U3A, or natural history society or several of these things, in order to feed my interests and make some new friends with whom I can discuss and talk about the things which interest me. Here is the crux of the matter, and the point at which I will probably come across as judgemental, although it is a truth - my partner is, without wishing to be diminishing, not very well educated or articulate, speaks and writes very poor English, sees little value in learning, is unable to assimilate and remember information and is, although acknowledging these things, very, very sensitive about them. In addition, insecurity, jealousy and anxiety about me having friends are also a huge issue.
How on earth do I approach this and phrase my desire to persue some of these activities, and potentially make some new friends, without causing huge offence or come across as belittling and insensitive?

Does she enhance your life in any way?

OP, without wishing to be unkind, the vast majority of your OP is irrelevant, and I would not repeat most of the opinions in it to your partner, as it isn't necessary to do so.

Just say, as others have suggested, "I have found a book club/course/whatever and will be going at such and such a time". If indeed you mention it at all before it happens, as you don't live together it's in no sense essential to do so.

If she expresses concerns about you doing this without her, tell her you have the right to meet new people and make new friends, and you won't remain in a relationship with someone who can't accept this. And stand by it.

I actually can't for the life of me see what either of you get out of this relationship. You appear to absolutely despise her and also be a little scared of her. It sounds like you have nothing at all in common, and basically all elements of the relationship sound bad.

If I were you I would break up with her pronto!.

Good luck.

Have you come across this OP? You might find it interesting.

https://www.davidsongifted.org/gifted-blog/twice-exceptional-definition-characteristics-identification/

I haven't said that I think she is 'very thick and beneath me intellectually' - she is NOT 'thick' - I have actually said that she is the 'bright one' in the relationship in terms of social awareness, street wisdom and savviness. What I have said is that I do not know how to approach my desire to widen my social circle and interest groups without hurting her feelings or impinging on her sensitivities.

"pompous", "stuck up", a "snob", you certainly emanate this vibe

"I am male, by the way" why was I not shocked?

Read me again: This is less a criticism (although there will be times when reining that tendency in will help you in your interactions with others) and more a statement that you will fit in better with people who have a similar lexical range to yourself.

Autistic people all have to mask at least a bit with some people. So do neurotypical people to an extent, insofaras they don't show their whole selves at work. My parenthesised aside referred to this reality. You picked up on the aside more than the main statement of:

you will fit in better with people who have a similar lexical range to yourself.

You shouldn't feel like you have to mask, or at least not much, with a partner. If your partner puts you down for your verbosity and makes you feel like you have to mask it and mask yourself in the process, then she is not the partner for you.

"common little dragon"?

Firstly stop having conversations about your special interests. just reading the list was excessively boring , even a scientist would not wish to discuss at length any of that

Sounds an interesting list to me, I'd be well up for conversation on lots of those.

However - I don't get the impression that either the OP or his partner really like or appreciate each other. Ditch the relationship, and get involved with local classes or whatever else is going on. At least people at those should share some of the interests.

Thank you. I was thinking exactly this? There has been nothing positive listed so far.

So why are you with her? And why do you think she’s with you?

So why are you with someone who you say is

not very well educated or articulate, speaks and writes very poor English, sees little value in learning, is unable to assimilate and remember information and is, although acknowledging these things, very, very sensitive about them.

why have you chosen to be with someone who is the polar opposite of the type of person you actually want to be with? Do them a big favour and let them go so they can find someone who doesn't sneer or demean them.

To be honest, you’re unnecessarily over explaining and come across as verbose rather than pithy - perhaps you should work on that. It’s a sign of intelligence to be able to tailor your communication style to different audiences after all.

Anyway, your situation is straightforward to resolve. You’re not compatible with your partner but you don’t need to criticise her in order to end the relationship. You don’t even need to mention any of her flaws or her level of education etc, you’re not giving her a performance review at work! The best outcome for you is to end things amicably, avoid unnecessary stress and just get on with your life. To achieve that, it’s not even relevant to mention how simple-minded you find her.

I think you singularly unsuited to being partners. Your imbalance of outlook will never reduce now and resentment is really the only outcome.

I think, like many men, you need to start looking around now properly at how your retirement will look and work to prepare. I don’t see this woman, who may be very nice, providing you with any mental outlet. And you have a long time in front of you.

This is bonkers. Tell her what book club or other hobby are doing. Fuck her perceived sensitivity. She does not sound nice at all but it’s your relationship

Why do you care so much about “ impinging on her sensitivities” or hurting her feelings ?

You don’t live together, you visit her at weekends.
Does she even need to know ??
Do you think these additional hobbies/ widening of your social circle will mean you get to see her less ?

More to the point, you mention uncomfortable silences when you’re together. Do you ever experience the “ comfortable silence”?

This, to me, is a sign of incompatibility. Two people who are in a loving, equal relationship and are at ease with each other, should not be feeling the need to make conversation all the time.

....writes very poor English

But you must be aware that your own written English contains many mistakes? You can forgive that in yourself but not your girlfriend? If that stung, it may give you an idea of how your girlfriend feels when you judge her.

You seem to complain that this woman isn't intellectual enough for you but you stay with her as you are afraid to be completely alone. Have you met many other women who you think could be a better fit for you?

OP has come here asking for help with communicating something, and then said they are autistic, which is associated with social communication problems and pretty obvious from reading the OP. So I think it’s very out of order for posters to then have a go at OP regarding his communication style!

I agree that most of what you are expressing in your first post is not relevant to the problem. You simply need to tell parter that you are going to U3A and leave it at that. If she has a problem with it you should consider that you may need to end the relationship.

I think, like many men, you need to start looking around now properly at how your retirement will look and work to prepare. I don’t see this woman, who may be very nice, providing you with any mental outlet. And you have a long time in front of you

I agree with this. I think also OP has started to realise some of this, hence the interest in joining societies, clubs, adult education.

What i will say OP is that you should be open to forming new friendships with people you meet and perhaps you will realise no relationship is better than one in which you are mocked and your interests belittled.

Tell him that you have joined different groups and that is all.

Just say 'I'm going to U3A/history club/a clock factory/a science exhibition on X day at Y time, come along if you want, but no worries if it's not your thing.' Then just go.

But I can't see the relationship lasting. I wouldn't want to date someone thicker than me. Luckily I'm extremely ill educated so it doesn't rule out that large a percentage of the population. 🤣

Is he retiring at the same time too? I would just phrase it as you looking forward to all the free time you have, you'll still be spending as much time with him as before if he's working.

Why should you sit at home feeling bored and not pursuing your interests (at a point in life where you will have time for them)? No partner should have an issue with this and if they do - bye bye and - tough!

Enjoy your retirement. I think it sounds wonderful.

I find the shift in vibe in the responses to this thread after it is revealed that the OP is a man and partner is a woman amazing.

Why would you want to retire and spend time with this person. They sound like a twat who is draining the life. Your retirement will be ruined. Dump them and make new, better friends at these groups.