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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Advise needed please

159 replies

Cheekychopz12 · 30/10/2025 17:28

Need some advise please
With my partner just over 1 year, don't live together thats not an issue. Few months into seeing eachother something came up on his phone which showed he had been in contact online with other women. I played detective and was sent screenshots of him sexting multiple women telling them he was single single and not seeing anyone. He said we wern't together in that way and it was non of my business which I understand but we had got so close, together all the time. He said if we were in a proper relationship things would be different, delete his social media, change numbers etc, which I didnt ask for and he hasn't done. He blocked me on all his social media back then and still won't allow me on it even though were together "properly" now. His phone is always either in his hand or his pocket, never sets it down, brings it to the toilet with him. Am I in the wrong for thinking something isn't right? Theres so much more that doesn't add up but im always made to feel like im the problem. Theres so much more, but he says hes sick of my constantly accusing him. I just cant shake the gut feeling ive had its making me so unwell but I idolise him and dont want to lose him. He has snap, hes 43, says hes never on it but I got someone to check and hes always still active. He says he uses it for pictures but always insists he doesnt use filters before snap was mentioned. His tiktok was literally just hundreds of women before he deleted it. Now he has a work page and im still not allowed on that and women keep appearing on it and he sent me a screenshot not long ago that one of them was a contact in his phone. He said shes an old friend but I reached out to her she says they've never met but just know eachother. It just seems like hes hiding something from me. The sexting from before was from women from all over the uk, were northern ireland. He has so many women's numbers in his phone from snapchat and tiktok including his ex that he said cheated on him. I just find it so disrespectful. He has 2 facebook "work" pages, tiktok "work" page and snapchat. He's always telling me to stay off social media because I got looking for things so i deactivated them. He's also refusing to put on his facebook that hes in a relationship

OP posts:
Cheekychopz12 · 05/11/2025 10:30

@Idontjetwashthefucker I can assure you that this is my only post. What would I get from doing that? I literally only downloaded the app when I posted this. Id googled relationship threads anonymously. I came on here for advise and support. If there are other posts similar then thats heartbreaking and goes to show there are more people like me

OP posts:
CleanSkin · 05/11/2025 12:32

It is hard, @Cheekychopz12 you’re right. But wow, is it worth it? (the answer is Yes, in case anyone is in any doubt!!)
I think the drive-&-a-small-treat is a fab idea, from PP. The car is also a great place for children to open up; there’s something about talking in the safe environment that encourages closeness - maybe that would be another positive from those adventures?
Enjoy your day & stay strong 💪

Cheekychopz12 · 05/11/2025 13:57

Aww thank you 💖 you’re right @CleanSkinit will be worth it. I love what you said about the car too, there’s definitely something about those little drives that get them talking more. I’ll keep that in mind! Hope you’re having a good day too 💪✨

OP posts:
Fourfurrymonsters · 05/11/2025 21:31

Cheekychopz12 · 05/11/2025 13:57

Aww thank you 💖 you’re right @CleanSkinit will be worth it. I love what you said about the car too, there’s definitely something about those little drives that get them talking more. I’ll keep that in mind! Hope you’re having a good day too 💪✨

I mean this kindly but if your kids are 9 and 11 and you don’t work, it sounds like you have too much time on your hands to be ruminating this much over this utter shitbag of an ex. Maybe a job might help? Part time even? And if you can’t manage that then maybe look at volunteering? I think you need something to occupy you and take you out of yourself and back into the wider world.

SortingItOut · 07/11/2025 06:06

How are you getting on OP?

I wonder if you need something for yourself during the day when the kids are at school?
Could you go out for a walk every day?

You dont need to say the reason for not working but if it is health related has any medical person talked about when or how you might return to work?
What steps can help you with this?

Some schools need people to read to pupils or listen to them read - would you be able to do something like that?

Curly66 · 07/11/2025 07:47

OP, a friend of mine had a very dodgy partner who "worked on the oil rigs". He didn't, he had a wife and a whole other life. Food for thought? Leave him, you deserve so much better xx

Curly66 · 07/11/2025 07:47

OP, a friend of mine had a very dodgy partner who "worked on the oil rigs". He didn't, he had a wife and a whole other life. Food for thought? Leave him, you deserve so much better xx

TheThingOnTheIce · 07/11/2025 07:51

Curly66 · 07/11/2025 07:47

OP, a friend of mine had a very dodgy partner who "worked on the oil rigs". He didn't, he had a wife and a whole other life. Food for thought? Leave him, you deserve so much better xx

Yes im afraid this had crossed my mind too

CleanSkin · 07/11/2025 16:52

Crikey, the oil rig thing is awful!
(can’t help but wonder how they finance two households though - assuming they do)

OP, have you ever been Geocaching?
I heard about it yesterday & thought it might suit your & your DCs. It’s a cross between many things but I’d sum it up as a tech-&-car-based treasure hunt! Maybe it would be a good thing for you to try together? X

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