How do I gently reopen a conversation about about emotional distance with my wife?

[Looking4more]

We get on fine day-to-day, but a conversation I wanted months ago never happened — how do I gently reopen it?

Back in early September, I sent my wife a heartfelt message about wanting us to reconnect emotionally. She replied kindly and suggested a walk that weekend to talk — but that never happened. Since then, she hasn’t brought it up.

Day-to-day, everything’s fine. We co-parent smoothly, get on well, and life ticks along. But there’s this quiet awkwardness around the conversation I tried to start, and it’s niggling at me.

I don’t want to pressure her or make her feel cornered, but I also don’t want to just let it drift indefinitely. I’m aware that sometimes “no answer” is, in fact, an answer, and I also want to make sure I’m expressing what I actually want without seeming manipulative or pushy.

I’m thinking of keeping it simple and straightforward — maybe just gently asking if she’s open to talking, and when might suit her. But I’d love to hear from anyone who’s been in a similar place: how did you reopen a conversation about emotional distance when your partner seemed reluctant?

Any tips on being clear, patient, and non-confrontational would be really appreciated.

Yes. From what I understand there are phases of grief that people go through as Parkinson’s wears on and wears off at points during the day. I think that load is significant amongst all other things that are part of our daily lives.

After I had a breakdown I found that it greatly reduced my ability to cope with difficulties. A lot of things overwhelm me still and leave me feeling paralysised.
You really need to consider whether you are just another thing putting pressure on your wife. Is it about attention, is it about your needs??

I’m so glad I divorced and I don’t have to deal with this sort of manipulation from a man about his dick.

So maybe just ask her what you can do to help and support her. If she isn’t sure right now, tell her that you’re here for her when she knows what you can do, even if that is to give her some space and get on with making sure the kids are fed and safe. When I was knee deep in caring for an older relative with a terminal illness, working full time and having a breakdown I was completely incapable of articulating my feelings, finding space in my brain for assessing my relationship with DH or having any kind of “deep and meaningful” conversation or connection. What I wanted was for someone to acknowledge how tough things were for me, to take some time for myself and that DH was taking the lions share of the domestic stuff.

Come now, it’s all about how he wants to help. 😇 Now that the good people of the sex board have helped him understand his penis might not, after all, be the centre of everyone’s universe.

Thanks for sharing - appreciated

it all eventually comes down to needs/wants. Whether we can adjust them is the question really based on love and empathy. This thread has been really insightful for me and I am amazed snd grateful at the level of sharing

I think the first 2 senteces of this msg are bang on. So will progress along these lines. Appreciated

I still have no idea what you want from her. You read that people dealing with a relative with Parkinsons go through stages of grief and your wife hasn't said so, therefore she must be closing it off from you? Rather than maybe not every human reacts in the same way to things?

It’s quite intrusive, isn’t it? ‘Let me work out from first principles & internet research what my wife should be feeling, that she must either be unlawfully concealing from me or not capable of understanding herself, and then I can use my knowledge and expertise to fix it, and she will be joyful and horny and grateful despite her mother’s progressive illness and the fact that everyone’s up in her business all the time when she’s just doing her best to drag her children kicking and screaming through adolescence and her mother through senescence and keep her head above water at work and at home).’

I wouldn’t open up to someone like this either.

It sounds like you want more (any/some) sex but are trying to dress it up as being less base than that. You sound like your care and concern for your wife isn’t genuine. Why do you want to discuss with her how her menopause might progress? Would you be comfortable when she “wants to discuss” how you think your mid-life crisis, erectile dysfunction and porn habits might progress, for example?

if that’s true - how you can support and do to help - why not use your common sense? With everything your wife is dealing with and experiencing surely you can hazard a guess about how a life partner can support and help!

She probably is numb due to mother's illness, menopause, kids, work and it generally is very difficult to deal with everything. Peri menopause really can make you reflect on your life and she may feel she should have done some things differently, peri greatly increases anxiety, undiagnosed symptoms are more apparent. Having to explain and confront any or all of these things are exhausting as she literally doesn't know. Couples counselling is great but also approach gently, tell her you have some concerns about how all these pressures are weighing her down, could you share some if the load? Maybe some written notes for discussion her to focus on for few days so she is prepared,with an agreed time to have uninterrupted time to listen to each other fully without interrupting or fact checking. If she's reluctant to talk she needs to be in a comfortable position to do so

These threads are all the same.

Its blatantly clear that you want her to 'open up' so you can 'reconnect emotionally' and have sex.

Maybe look inwardly and ask yourself why she doesn't want to have sex with you.