He's leaving me

[Stardust286]

Basically I have little to no desire to have sex, it's been this way for months. I have a physically and mentally demanding full time job, I come home from work and I walk the dog (the high energy dog that DP wanted) have to tidy the house (DP doesn't clean up after himself often) so by the time I get to bed I am shattered and the last thing I want is sex. He also works full time in a managerial role, once he finishes work he sits down, I on the other hand cannot sit down until the house is tidy and jobs have been done.
It's all come to a head and he says he's leaving due to lack of intimacy. I don't know how to feel, gutted our 9 year relationship is fizzling out, we don't have date nights or go out much together anymore either. We have sex a couple of times a month but it's not enough for him. I wish I wanted it more but I just can't be arsed I can't seem to get in the mood and I think if he wants to leave me because of that and throw away 9 years then so be it 😭 also I'm only 35 and not peri

You missed the point, it failed to keep the relationship together, it was Metaphorical.

I would offer to help him pack and make sure he takes his much wanted dog with him.

You'll be amazed at how much energy you'll have if you aren't spending every waking moment tidying up after someone else.

"Maybe my expectations are too high?" men here and I can confirm, I had a a Stay at home partner and I would come have the baby with me throughout the evening and once they both go to sleep I would mop , load dishwasher etc. It is possible so he is just making excuses

I would say things have to be 50/50 unless he contributes more to your lives I guess one has to make up for it in some ways to make life fair.

From reading , I can see you have spoke about his lack of effort is what makes you feel tired and not up for it, he refuses still so its not your fault

What I find odd is how everyone comes running "oh poor you, he's horrible etc..." …… consider go to the Dr's to make sure it isn't just busy at work not putting you in the mood, and he agrees to take the dog for a walk and tidy the house

sigh. This is a man who, in the OP’s words…

…treats their house like a doss house, working from home he doesn't clean up after himself if he's made himself dinner because "he's working." Doesn't tidy up on a weekend because "he's tired because he's been at work all week."

And @Scott1eh thinks that a bit of tidying up is all that’s required! FFS.

For the avoidance of any doubt, @Stardust286, your expectations are not too high!!

Yet again.... just tidying the house was NOT what I said. It was an example of compromise, and used that merely as ONE example, clearly, they both would have work to do to make it work. Clearly things needed to be changed and one party was no more guilty than the other. We do need to look at the bigger picture, the OP also stated "she couldnt be arsed". OK, the bloke probably would have to have do the bigger share of things to put things write, but I was looking at it from the breakdown of relationship side of things. Everyone seems to micro analyse every word. Bearing in mind, we only have one side of the story, which I have no reason to doubt. The fact that he was willing to leave may suggest the relationship was breaking down before that and both became a little complacent - we cannot tell from one short story. My points were about considering things instead of pandering and trying to blame one person. Thats all.

Absolutely, women need sex as much as men. Don't be so negative and get back in the bedroom, be experimental and add a bit more spice and you may enjoy it more. Wear something sexy and it will lift your mood, ready for your man.

She’s so pissed off at him being a lazy slob and doing nothing round the house. Leaves it all to the op despite her saying it’s unfair/she’s exhausted. Treats her as a bang maid basically, but you think she should accept that contemptuous treatment and swing from the chandeliers regardless? His only input into this relationship is his cock??
Wow. Are you the bf? Sex is important in a relationship but it’s not the be all and end all. Most women want an actual partner on more than one level. Otherwise a vibrator is a lot less effort, and won’t cause the mess and resentment that the Wondercock on Legs does.

I'm not sure you understand, he will make love, not just sex. A piece of cold plastic is no match for the passion a man can give, she needs to make the effort and make it work. He is trying his best to offer her mind-blowing sex but she is tired, if she took some uppers then that would get her through this dry spell and after that they could talk and hopefully work things out, so that she can become the beautiful "bang maid" she once was.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

You probably just don’t fancy him OP, he’s a lazy slob, who sees you as a service human. I would feel relieved in your position. There is still time to meet someone better if you wanted.

…… aahhemm …. waken up ! You DON’T have a ‘relationship’. You have a kind of ‘work around’ agreement. Neither of you appears to have the will to up their game. The dog has my sympathy.

Yes this! He can leave for any reason he likes but his next partners vagina will soon clamp shut when she is so tired of being his maid and mum

Of course that worry alone doesn't put you in the mood..he gets off while you have in the back of your mind the worry of falling pregnant because of his selfishness. Along with all the other issues you have mentioned, I completely understand why you would not be in the mood.

14 hour days??! My god! How does he have the time or energy to pester you for sex?! There's absolutely no way I'd work those hours! I'd laugh my head off and look for another job!

Maybe you just have a lazy unkind partner who doesn’t clean up his own shit & then you are meant to desire him? I think not. This isn’t about you….well it is stop being an unpaid servant. Kick him out enjoy your time with the dog who I expect gives more attention & love than your partner.

No poster is a man. Makes him feel big to cast doubt.

How would you know what women want dude?

This is the best way to respond to any "I want to break up conversation"

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DH6RBNgo9Ir/?igsh=MTExYzdrb3o2cTNhcA==

why don’t you offer to help him pack up so he can be gone quicker?;he’s said he’s leaving so off he fucks then.

Him going is no loss;I wish him luck in attempting to find another home owning bang maid to cock lodge with.

Enjoy your peace and freedom OP.

You're not throwing away nine years, OP, you're securing your future happiness. Your soon to be ex has made himself unattractive to you. The relationship has therefore come to an end and you're moving on to better things with your lovely dog. I think you're going to feel a lot happier very soon.

Not true, I just think he is making the effort after working 14 hour days, I'll have him if she don't want him.

Not everyone feels the need or wants to get married 🙄

Your bar is really low! the majority of people work long hours doesn’t mean they are unkind to their partner. Where is that red flag man.

I’m sure if you own your home and you will clear up after him he’ll be happy to move straight in 😂

Il send him your way